Goodbye, I love you

Ferris wheels and acceptance letters

It was Friday—remember that carnival that I wasn't sure of going? It's today, and the only reason I'm going is because Peter asked me. He said, "How are we gonna be friends if we don't hang out?" Can you believe that? Plenty of people are friends, and they don't even hangout. Long distance friends, for example.

"Avery, just, let's pretend you're not scared of spending time with someone other than me, and actually enjoy it." Bethel said.

"Beth, I-"

"Hey, girls!" Peter approached us. "Hi, Peter." Beth said.

"So, which ride do you want to try first?" he asked.

"Ferris wheel." She said. "Oh, come on, really? Weak!" He exclaimed. I chuckled. As we approached the Ferris wheel Bethel's phone beeped and she stopped to check it. "Uh, guys why don't you go on. I'll catch up." She said. "Have fun." She whispered to me.

"What's up?" Peter asked. "Um, it's Mick." She said, and quickly left. Peter

smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Just keep to your side of the car." I told Peter. "Just chill alright." He said, and

made himself comfortable on the car.

"Hey, could you lend me your chemistry notes?" he asked. "Seriously?" I

raised my eyebrow, and he shrugged. "Fine." I stared down at the other cars. There was a guy and a girl. The guy wrapped his arms around the girl, and she was wearing his jacket.

A memory of my friends back at the orphanage struck me, and a tear rolled down my cheek when I realized I'll probably never see them again. The people who helped me deal with my grief during the very first stages. Peter looked at me, and I quickly rubbed off the tear.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Nothing." I said. "Come on, Avery." "Well, I just remembered my friends." I said.

"I thought you only had Bethel." He said.

"No, I mean back at the orphanage." I said. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know." He said. "It's alright." I smiled.

"You know, if you lay off the being guarded crap. . ."

My eyes glistened.

"You're actually, really nice." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You've been tryna push me away since day one." He said.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know. I guess, the fact that I tend to be the reason that people leave." I said. "Why would you think that?" he asked. "Because, it's the truth." I replied. "I don't know your story. But people have choices and most of the time, it has nothing to do with you, trust me."

"I guess you're right." I chuckled.

"It's okay to have trust issues, but just don't push away the people who are tryna be there for you, and care about you." He stared at me.

"I had a brother, Levi. We were close. I guess, I've just been having trouble living life without him." I said. "Where is he?" he asked. "College." I said.

"Ah."

"Is that why-"

"No." I said. In case you're wondering Bethel never returned, and Peter and I ended up going on all the rides. He had a rough childhood too underneath their huge mansion and perfect life. We ate a lot of cotton candy. Wow, I haven't had this much fun since the camping trip back at the orphanage.

"Heh, heh," I laughed.

"Wow, that was not a good idea."

"No kidding." Peter said.

"Whoo!"

"I think we should go home." I suggested. "Yeah." He laughed.

***

It's been a crazy month since that day at the carnival. Peter and I have become really great friends. He even joined our face time prayers at night, goes to bible studies with us. We're like the three musketeers, lol! I mean Mick's there too, but he's mostly workin' at Ronny's so. Who knew all of this could happen, I mean if you gave someone a chance, and just try and extend a little more grace. Peter wanted to heal from the pain of his childhood, and I told him the only way he could do that was just let his guard down, and believe in Jesus because he will heal him of his brokenness.

At first, he didn't believe me, but I was playing some worship music one day when he came by my house, and he just fell apart. He decided he wanted to take part in whatever I was doing to keep the pain away.

"Hey," Stan called out to me as I was passing by the living room. I stopped. "Your letters came." He said reaching out for a pile of envelopes on the table. "What letters?" I asked, he handed me the pile.

"Congratulations." He said but he wasn't smiling.

Was he mocking me or something because he's being unusually nice to me today. Or maybe he's drunk. I took the pile from his hands and started going through them. My eyes widened and I gasped. There it was. A letter from Heaton University, oh, no now, I'm scared to open it. Did I get in or not? Only one way to find out. I slowly opened the letter and closed my eyes first then slowly opened one eye and began reading. "Oh, my goodness. I got in! I got into Heaton University! Oh, thank God!" I said. Then I saw another letter from Westby State University. I opened it and they also accepted me into their college. My expression dropped and I looked at Stan.

"Pretty sure you didn't like that one." He said and turned away. I walked slowly up the stairs then into my room. He was right. Well, the news was great, but I didn't like the situation I was in. I had always wanted to go to Heaton University, but wasn't sure if I could get in. Peter, Bethel, and I planned to go to Westby—it was close, safe, and sure. I felt something familiar, and it wasn't nostalgic.

Beth and Peter have been like family to me. I can't imagine life without them. God, what am I gonna do? I'm so confused. I lay my down on my bed facing the ceiling then I got up and grabbed my bible. I opened it, first thing I saw was a highlighted verse in Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Then I lay back down again, and closed my eyes. It began raining. I stared out the window and lightning flashed then my phone rang.

"Hello!" I said.

"What's up?" Beth said.

"Nothing much, just rain."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know." I replied. "Well, I have to tell you something." She said. "Um, I received a letter from the colleges today."

"And?" I sat up.

"I got in to West Coast University!" She exclaimed. "You applied to West Coast?" I asked. "Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't tell you. I didn't think I would get in." She replied. "Still, I didn't know that we were doing that. Does Peter know?"

"No." She replied.

"Congratulations, anyway." I said. "I'm sorry, but I'm sure you didn't just apply to Westby, right?" she asked. "Wasn't there somewhere you wanted to go?"

"No, Bethel, because unlike you I stuck to the plan." I snapped. "Avery-"

"Beth. . .I gotta go." I said, and hung up. Why didn't I tell her? Why did I get mad? Isn't it easier now that everyone can just go where they want? Bethel applied to West Coast, but she didn't tell me; I did the same, but what if I didn't? She would've left me after we agreed to stay together.