Goodbye, I love you

Do I know you?

I turned off my phone after ten missed calls, and texts. I didn't want to talk to Peter right now. I can't believe he lied to me; he's drinking? He's drinking? Why didn't he just talk to me? How long has he been doing this? Maybe Bethel was right. How do I even respond to this? I can't even look at him right now. I sighed and left my room; a furry ginger fur ball flashed passed me on the stairs. I didn't even flinch.

"Fergus!" Mom cried. "Avery, did Fergus go by here?"

"Who?"

"The cat." She said. "When did we get a cat?" I asked.

"I adopted him a few weeks ago."

"How come I've never seen him?"

"I hid him in the shed. Your father doesn't like cats. Have you seen him?" She said. "Uh, yeah, he's upstairs." I replied. "Thanks. Don't tell your dad, okay?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

I made my way to the kitchen. "There you are Fergus." I heard mom say. "Meow!" Fergus didn't want to be found it seemed. I chuckled as I pulled a carton of milk from the fridge. I inhaled deeply after gulping up the lactose beverage. DING! DONG! Went the front door. Oh, I hope it's not Peter. "I'll get it!" I yelled.

"Oh, good, it's just you." I went back to the kitchen.

"Nice to see you too." Beth said coming in.

"No, I'm glad. I don't want to see him today."

"When then?"

"You're gonna have to talk about it sometime." She sat. "Did he tell you to come here?" I asked and she raised her eyebrow.

"Look, Peter did call me but I came here to see you." She replied.

"What did he want?"

"To talk to you."

"What did you tell him?" I asked. "He has to be patient. You'll talk when you're ready. And he needs to understand that he did something wrong, and he shouldn't expect you to see him so quickly."

"Then?" I asked. "He said okay, and he's sorry." She replied. "It's not me he should be apologizing to."

"I'm not even upset; just disappointed." I said.

"Well, maybe you guys should talk about it. All of it."

I nodded.

"Hey, ladies." Mom smiled. "Aw, who's this?" Bethel said petting the cat. "That's Fergus. He's a Tabby." She replied.

***

Bethel was right. It was time I turned on my phone and faced this. He hadn't called me after the ten times; I gulped. I needed to think before letting this happen so I decided to go to the park. Where's your big brother when you need him? I picked a spot under a large tree and got settled. The park wasn't crowded today; just five kids and a pair of couples and a dog. The kids ran around playing with the dog while their parents occasionally yelled things like "Be careful!" or "Hey, watch it!"

As I was in careful deep thought, a ball hit me on the head. I opened my eyes but I could only see the five kids playing with the dog. "Hey!" I heard and turned right—sun in my eyes—I squinted and saw a group of kids and a guy.

"Do you mind?!" He yelled.

"What?!" I yelled back. I heard what he said but I wasn't gonna throw the ball. He ran towards me. "Hey, sorry about that." He grabbed the ball. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes. "It's okay." I said. He smiled and trotted away. He seemed awfully familiar. He must just have one of those faces.

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket; Peter was calling. "Way to hold out." I said. "I'm sorry but I really needed to talk to you." He said. "You should." I said. "Will you meet me at Ronny's in an hour?" He asked. "Can't. Maybe this evening." I replied. "Of course, um, see you then." He said. "'Kay." I hung up.

As I was walking home, I thought of what questions to ask and just how or where to start approaching this. DING! DING! I turned around and a couple of kids rode by then followed by that guy from the park. "Hey, it's you." He smiled and stopped. "Sorry again about the ball. Miscommunication between the kids."

"Huh?" I said.

"I teach sign language at the Youth Centre. I sometimes take them out to the park. Apparently give me the ball means hit the girl with the pretty hair." He chuckled.

"Oh."

"Do I know you?" He asked. "You know, you seem incredibly familiar too." I said. "Huh." He tilted his head up. "Don't you live at the Bakers'?"

"Yeah."

"Right, I'm Jason Kirby. Your mom comes to book club at our house."

"Oh, yeah." But that wasn't it. I still hadn't met him before but had an itching thought that I knew him. He didn't feel like a stranger. "Thanks." I said. "Huh?" He said. "You said I had pretty hair. Most people think red hair is weird." I said. "Not at all. There's only one other person with red hair that I know." He said. "Well, I should get going."

"Me too. I'm Avery." I smiled. "See you around, Avery." He pedaled by. "Jason? Huh." I mumbled to myself. I went straight into my closet after I got home. I sought a small, wooden, brown box at the bottom. It had all the pictures we took at the orphanage on the last week. Most were camp photos; I grabbed the one we took outside the home. It was the day of our departure. My eyes widened, and I gaped.

***

I had gotten to Ronny's earlier because I thought it'd be easier if he found me there not the other way around. I thought about my earlier discovery and how I couldn't wait to tell Bethel. This day might not be so bad after all, I thought. I saw Peter coming in and I shifted in my seat and sipped on my soda. He turned to me and I waved and he smiled; walking over.

"Do you want anything?" I asked.

"Sure."

I looked over to Mick and he nodded. "So, how've you been?" He asked. "Not bad." I replied and Mick brought him his drink.

"I really missed you." He said.

"Okay, Peter, you wanna explain what happened?"

He sighed. "Avery, I'm sorry."

"I forgave you. I just want to know what happened." I said. "I had an argument with my dad, and he'd been on my throat that week about the Europe thing, and it was stressing me out." He said.

"Okay." I said. "Why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't think you'd understand."

"The girl who suffered from trauma at the age of seven and grew up with an abusive father. Yeah, you're right. I'd never understand." I folded my arms.

"Sarcasm isn't helping right now."

"Oh, and you are? Peter? Tell me the truth."

"Look, I tried praying. It wasn't working. I hated how I was feeling; it was too much so—" he paused. "My buddy Steve called me and invited me to hang out and I thought it'd be a good thing to go out."

"We went to this party at his friend's, and I told him about everything, and he suggested I drink to forget, and I wanted to forget, Avery. Even if it was temporary."

"You told Steve?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Peter, don't you trust me?"

"It's not that. Of course not. I was stupid and hurting, and I didn't know what else to do." He said. "You can always come talk to me. Peter, I'm your girlfriend." I said. "I know. I don't deserve you." He said. "I understand how you feel but you can't just go making irresponsible decisions because you're hurting. Life doesn't become easy when you're a Christian. And sometimes, you're gonna feel like you hate everything but that's it. Feelings can change. They do."

"But if you talk about it with someone; you may find consolation. It's by keeping on the hard things to do; is how you'll push through."

"Promise me, you'll talk to me next time." I said. "I will." He said.