The outsiders

The Decision

When I woke up from crying myself to sleep last night, I started crying again. I just couldn't take it that one of our 'family' members is dying. I wanted to run away because I KNEW that I was the one who caused this. I was contemplating in which I should run away or just stay here until I heard a faint knock. "who is it I called?"
"It's Sodapop" soda called.
"Oh. come in" I said.
Soda came in and sat next to me and threw an arm around my shoulders.
"What's up?" I asked
"I was just wondering how you were doing with... you know... Steve..." soda chocked out.
"I don't know but I want to know how is best friend is dealing with this" I said softly.
"I don't know either but to be honest I'm a total wreck on the inside" soda almost cried. I looked at him and his face was so sad that I wanted to cry all over again .
" oh an how are your cuts?" He asked
" I understand and they are getting better" I answered
"Good...now I have to go help Darry With something " he said
"Okay. Bye" I said Back. Soda got up from my bed and kissed me on the forehead. I smiled and he walked out of my room closing the door softly. After deciding which I should run away or stay, I have decided I would stay. I have decided to stay because I knew how hurt he looked I had to stay. For Sodapop. To not be selfish to all the hurt people I love like family. Later that day I took a nap because of thinking and crying so much.
When I woke up it was 5:13 in the evening. "Ugh" I groaned while sitting up in my bed. I walked downstairs into the living room to see Sodapop sitting on the couch staring at the blank TV. I felt terrible for him. I went to the couch and sat down while rubbing his back.
"Are you alright" I asked
"Yeah.... no..." he trailed off
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked again
"Not really." he responded
"Okay, hang in there" "alright"
I walked out of the living room into the kitchen to see Darry making dinner.
"hey dare, what'cha making?" I asked
"Food..." He responded emotionless
"..Oh..." I must've sounds or Looked hurt because he snapped out of whatever daze he was in.
"I'm sorry baby. I'm making a casserole for dinner" well I know that now.
"It's alright dare-bear" I responded
I walked upstairs to ponyboys room to see if he was acting different. I understood that This Steve thing is messing us all up but I can't help thinking that I'm the actual one that did this. Maybe Ponyboy was acting normal. all I can do is hope. I sighed and knocked on ponyboy's door.
"Come in" I walked inside to see him reading a book called 'Gone With the Wind'. I wondered what it was about. anyways I sat in The bed.
"What's up pone?" I asked
"Nothing" he said still glued to the book.
"Okay bye..." I said.
"Bye..." He said. with that I walked out of his room closing the door softly behind me. About a half hour later Darry called everyone for dinner. When we all sat down the door burst end open with an unusually sad look on Two-bit. He sat down with us with only a hey. I got up walking to the door when Darry said "where are you goin' to" I just said "to take a walk" and with that I started out. I didn't know where I was walking to but I ended up at the hospital Steve was at. I looked up to where I was and walked in. I Asked to go see Steve and after arguing for some time with the nurse they finally let me in. I walked in to see Steve hooked up to a heart monitor and his leg and arm in casts. he looked worse then you could imagine. I tried so hard not to cry but I did. Steve woke up to see a crying me sitting at the foot of the bed.
"h-hey K-K-Kenzie" he breathed out. I could tell how hard it was for even him to talk.
"Hey Stevie." I said "you don't have to talk but I just want you to know that I am sorry for bringing you out to walk with me and I will never forgive myself for that but I will always love you." I tried not to cry but a few tears slipped out and I wiped them away quickly so he wouldn't see me cry. I gave him an awkward hug so I wouldn't hurt him even more and he gave me a faint smile. I was walking towards the door when I heard him say "stay...p-please" I of corse had to stay. a few hours went by, I was telling him about how much the gang and I missed him and I took a little nap. when I got up the clock read 8:49 at night. Steve was sleeping so I slipped out quietly and walked home. on the way home a blue mustang was trailing me. when the Socs got out I panicked, they were the same Socs that did this to Steve. I cursed mentally at myself for not bringing a switchblade so I looked around for a broken Pop bottle or a piece of metal or something to defend myself but there was nothing. they kept coming closer and closer until a blonde headed one pinned me against the brick wall in the alley . That damn soc that grabbed my butt tried to kiss me! UGH! I got mad so I tried to punch me but he caught my wrist and twisted it in a painful way and kneed me in my ribs which were still healing. I doubled over in pain then fell over. The blonde kicked me in the ribs again and again. I didn't scream even though it hurt like hell. A brunette got on top of me and started punching me in the face, I guess the beating went on for a while because I eventually blacked out. i ended up waking up in the alley floor and when I got up I fell over from the pain in my ankle so when I finally got up I used the walls for support. once I got home the gang was there and they all looked at me. they looked like thy haven't slept at all. "where have you been?" Asked a concerned Darry. "I visited Steve and I got jumped when I was walkin home." I responded coldly. "Mack..baby, are you okay?" He tried to give me a hug but I shooed him away and limped up the stairs into my room. I didn't mean to be like that way to my older brother but I was hurt abd angry and the gang and myself. the gang for not trying to find me and myself for hurting Steve and Darry. im sorry for being selfish but I really thought they would look for me. I just limped to my bed and fell asleep.

Sorry if this was too long or bad. I am going to my cousins birthday party for the whole day and I thought I should finish this chapter. love you all.