Ranjish | 𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒓𝒂𝒋

XIII. destined or doomed?

vanraj :

I stood at the balcony in silence.
I could hear her mumbling, it continued even as she lay on the bed, in those wet soaked clothes that I couldn't change.

"Mai.. apne bacche.. se bohot bohot.. pyaar karti hu...", She mumbled as she pulled the quilt over herself.
I gulped, standing in silence, staring at Asha Bhavan that stood right opposite to my apartment.
Unconsciously, that is where I had always looked - hoping to find the mother of my children.

A mother.
That is what I had always wished for, and seen in my ex wife.
But now, she was gone - into her own happily ever after.

And here was another mother.
Still struggling, still trying to come to terms with everything that had gone wrong.
I turned back, towards Isha.
I had managed to wipe her hair with a towel as I pulled her out of the bathroom, but I couldn't change her clothes.
There were no women in the house either.

I walked down to my bed and sat on the opposite end.
I had read her wrong.
Completely wrong.

No, she did not abandon her child for her job.
No, she wasn't the one at fault in her relationship.
No, she also wasn't one of the modern women who were rebels from the start.

She was also like the women I had seen and met.
Bound by the shackles of rules made by patriarchy - except she had to fight, she did not want to, but she had to fight because she didn't have a choice.

She was a responsible daughter who had to sacrifice her position as a wife and mother for her parents.

I could relate to that devotion towards parents.

"Ishu..Ishu mujhe maaf kar do.. maaf kar do..", She mumbled, I could sense her helplessness. Tears slipped down from the corners of her eyes.
I gulped as I reluctantly placed my hand on her forehead.

She immediately calmed down, fell silent as she started breathing deeply.

I could still feel her arms around me, clutching onto me, sobbing.

She had always pushed me away in her senses.
But when her mind and logic had numbed, she had clutched onto me like her life depended on it.

She needed someone, yet she had no choice but to put up that strong face for the world.

I was deeply afraid of being left alone.
And this woman had been left alone for years!
Years of staying away from her child, the man she loved - all because she chose to perform her duties as the daughter of her helpless parents.

Those two, Yashwant Bhonsale and his wife ruined her beautiful life and still have the audacity to show their vileness in her life.

My throat ached with numbness, eyes welled up with tears, breath caught up.
She had been right that day.
She was indeed the heroine in her story, and I was the villain in mine.

But.. why was she clutching onto me that way?
Why the villain?
There were probably so many better men who she had met in her life.. yet.. Savi had said, she had not been affected this much by any of them.

I gently removed my hand from her forehead.
"Mat jao..", She whispered, in her sleepy drunken state.
I paused, my hand in midair.
"Tum kyu chahti ho mai rahun Isha? Mujh jaise aadmi se tumhara kya lena dena?", I asked softly.