Ranjish | 𝒊𝒔𝒉𝒓𝒂𝒋

XVII. past & present

isha :

I stood before the mirror in my room.
The fest was successfully over, without any other mess.

Rajat had ultimately discovered the truth about his brother in law, and there had been a major ruckus after which he himself came down to Savi and apologized.
Savi had been rightfully skeptical and for now, she was oscillating between Thakkar's and my house to take care of little Sai.

Today was the first day of Navratri, and we were going to the Garba ground.
Savi had to join it for Sai, and well, I had been invited.

I drew in a deep breath as I picked up a jhumka.
I had given up on Garba a long time back, earlier I would join the garba ground as a young girl - but after my marriage, it had all stopped.

I stared at it in silence.

His words echoed in my ears.

Iss parvaane ka deewanapan ek tarfa toh nehi hoga, shama ki kuch toh marzi hogi.
Isliye mujhe tumhara intezaar rahega.

I gulped as my gaze fell on a photoframe on my dressing table.

Shantanu's.
I picked it up, rather reluctant.
Suddenly, it felt like Vanraj wasn't the only one stuck in his past.
I was too.
How could I just fall in love again?
How would it be fair?

Although, unlike Vanraj, even if I wished, I wouldn't have the man I loved back.
Yet, I had loved him for decades, without ever thinking of anyone else.
And now, just because he is not here anymore, I decide to move on?

I kept the jhumka down on the dressing table, my throat numbing.

I remembered myself and Shantanu, dreaming of a happily ever after. Our little family without any tragedy.
I missed him, his love, his affection even the ache associated with him.

"Isha aai? Aap aa rahi ho?", I heard Savi as I kept the photoframe down.
She paused at the doorway, looking at me.
"Shayad nehi.", I whispered softly, feeling regret soar through me.

Savi walked down to me, in silence.

"Taiyaar hokar bhi? Nehi?", She questioned.
I glanced at her, feeling tears brim into my eyes.
I drew in a deep breath.

"Aapne saalon tak intezaar kia hai, Isha Aai. Tab bhi jab aapko koi bhi mil sakta tha, intezaar unka tha.. toh aapka bhi tha.", She said softly, placing her hand on mine.

I blinked rapidly hoping to get rid of the tears.

"Aaj koi hai.. jo phirse aapka intezaar kar raha hai.", She added,
"Aage badhne mein kuch galat nehi hai Aai. Jo chala gaya, woh wapas nehi aata. Aur jo hai.. agar woh bhi na mila, toh aakhir mein aap akeli hi padh jayenge."

"Lekin Savi.."

"Mai samajhti hu.. Mujhe bhi aisa hi lagta hai.. humesha. Ishaan ko yaad karke dard hota hai.", She said softly,
"Lekin uss dard ko zindagi bana lena bhi toh sahi nehi."

I gulped as I looked at her.
What would I choose? What should I?
What do I want to?
•

vanraj :