Fleeting Moments

7 | Layne

The waiting room of the hospital is filled with Sean and I's family and friends. I'm too worried to sit, but his mom is too worried to stand. Her knees have been weak since we arrived. My parents sit beside his, my mom having her arm around his mom, praying with her quietly. Brandon walks back and forth with me, his clothes still having Sean's blood on them. Morgan walks with us too, asking Brandon what happened while he recounts the events for us. Michael sits next to Sean's dad, but neither can think of what to say. Sean's brother, Adrian, and his girlfriend, Sarah, sit across from his parents. My sister, Blayze, and her husband, Terrance, sit right next to them. The blue seats look uncomfortable, but it's the least of anyone's worries. All anyone can think about is hoping Sean is okay. The doctor said the blade is dangerously close to Sean's left kidney and abdominal aorta, and they weren't sure if it was hit. He's in surgery now and we won't get any updates until it's done.

Thankfully Brandon knew not to pull the blade out, which kept the wound from bleeding even worse. Sean still lost a lot of blood. Apparently he didn't even realize he was stabbed, so he kept fighting. I can tell Morgan is blaming herself because we know Adam did this, but it's not her fault. Even if Sean didn't know Morgan at all, he'd still defend her like this. What Adam did was awful, and there's no stopping Sean when it comes to someone hurting children. Outside of football, his biggest dream is to become someone who can help kids, probably a social worker. This is the third time Sean has fought Adam, and Sean won't stop because he knows Adam won't press charges. Adam knows Morgan could send him away for a long time, and it wouldn't be a fun prison stint. People don't take kindly to rapists, especially not the kind involving children.

"I'm gonna run down and get some drinks and maybe snacks." Brandon says, stopping to turn towards me, then Morgan, but something in his eyes hints he's talking to me. "Did you guys eat?"

We've been waiting for six hours, and it's about eight o'clock at night. "I'm fine." Morgan answers.

"I guess I should eat." Sean would have some stern words for me if he knew I didn't eat all day. "I'll run down with you."

"I'll call you if the doctor comes out." Morgan promises.

"Thank you," I hug her tightly. "Thank you for being here."

"Of course," she squeezes me even tighter.

I walk down the hallway to the elevator with Brandon. I know Brandon almost as well as I know Sean. We've hung out a lot, he's like a brother to Sean. Brandon pushes the button to the cafeteria floor. After the elevator door closes, he finally speaks. "He told me about the baby."

"I figured," I can't help but smile weakly. I know how excited Sean is and I'm hoping it helps him pull through in some way. I can't do this without him and I know our odds are slim right now.

"He's gonna be okay," I can't tell if Brandon is assuring me or himself, "he has to be. He's so excited about this little girl. He's not going to miss out on her life."

I put my arm around him in a half hug, "he's going to be okay." I am hoping for the best and I'm trying to be strong but the uncertainty is killing me.

"I should have stopped him," Brandon starts, but I have to stop him.

"You couldn't have," the elevator doors open and it's time for us to talk. "No one can stop him, not when it comes to this. Trust me, I've tried."

"I could have been paying more attention. I was trying to let you know and it all happened so fast,"

"If you weren't there, he probably would be dead. Because either way, he would have done what he felt he needed to do. You calling the ambulance when you did is probably what's going to save his life. They said a second later, and he probably wouldn't have even made it to the hospital alive." I remind him as we head towards the cafeteria. "You saved his life, Brandon. You did everything you could have."

"It still feels pretty crappy." He shakes his head, opening the door for me.

We get enough food and drinks for everyone before heading back up to the waiting room. Just as we re-enter with the food, the doctor comes out. "Sean Matthews?"

Everyone is around the doctor almost instantly, as if he pulled us with a magnet. The seconds of silence feel like hours as the doctor struggles to find the words. The look on his face tells me I need to brace myself, and I feel Brandon and Morgan's arms around me, almost completely holding me up. His mother is held the same way by his father and brother.

"He flat lined twice during surgery, but we were able to get his heart beating again." The doctor begins, "he hasn't woken up yet, although we have stopped the sedative. We were able to stop the bleeding, but we don't know how his brain is going to react to the three cut off of oxygen, so right now we're still unsure."

"Three cut offs of oxygen, you said he flat lined twice," Adrian speaks up.

"He flat lined in the ambulance on the way here as well." The doctor updates us. "He's still asleep, but he should be able to hear you if you want to try to talk to him. Right now we're not sure what is going to happen, but he's trying. We can tell he's trying to hang on. He woke up once during the surgery even with the sedatives. He didn't say anything though, so we really can't be sure at this point."

The uncertainty feels like it's actually suffocating me. The love of my life, at just eighteen years old, flat lined three times. I can't help but be slightly upset with Sean for putting himself in the situation; but I understand his reasonings, and there is no way he could have know Adam would have a knife or try to kill him.

I can tell it's bothering Morgan too. She blames herself because she knows Sean does it for her, so Adam remembers why he should never hurt anyone again; since Morgan didn't press charges. She worries constantly she made the wrong decision and sacrificed others for herself, so Sean tries to be her justice.

No one really knows what to say at this point, and the doctor asks for questions before leading us to his room. It was hard to see Sean lying there with so many machines attached to him. We already knew he would be on life support until the doctors felt comfortable removing it. Still, it's hard to see the man you love like that. His face is almost completely perfect. It looks like he had a minor cut on his lip, and that was about it. He looked completely fine besides the machines surrounding him, telling us differently. Although physically looking okay, he looks lifeless. The slow movements of his chest are the only thing that gives away he's actually still alive. His mom rushes to his side, taking his hand in hers. As much as I want to join her, I can't seem to get my feet to move towards him.

"I think I need some air," I spin on my heel, leaving as the tears begin to pour down my face. I can't just sit there and see him like that.

I hurry out of the room and down the hall to the stairs, not wanting to be sobbing on an elevator full of strangers. It's hard to see through my tears as I fly down the stairs. I make it into the parking lot, almost gasping for air. My lungs felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, my heart felt like it simply couldn't keep going. I try to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down but nothing seems to help.

I can't do this without him.

My panic attack only seems to worsen as I think of life without him. Regardless of raising our daughter by myself, I didn't know how I could go on without him. I'd never pictured my life without him. I try to make way to my car, but my hand misses the railing of the steps leading to the parking lot, just as my knees give in. Before I really know what's happening, everything goes completely silent and black.