Small Town Girl, Big City Dreams • Kate Martin

Chapter 17: When the Bough Breaks

Inspiration Song: Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers

July 16th, Final Game Day before The Olympic Break

Jade and I had hardly been talking. After seeing her at the game, I didn't get a text back from her until three days later. I tried to call her immediately after she texted me, hoping that we could talk through things, but the phone just rang. All she said was that she was sorry, she was going through some things and was spending time with family. She said she would explain everything to me, but so far, I had yet to get any explanation. At this point, I barely received more than four texts a day from her, which were all short and devoid of any emotion. I was worried about her, and also worried about what this might mean for us. Every time I tried to broach the subject, she would just casually ignore it and text about something else.

My mind had been on literally anything but basketball these past few days and games, and Becky was definitely noticing. The first game and few practices, she let it slide, probably assuming I was just going through a funk, but after our last game and our shootaround today, she was growing tired of it. After missing three corner threes in a row, I heard Becky bark at me from the sideline, "Kate! Come here!"

Shit. I was in trouble.

"Hey Coach," I said, a little out of breath from the drills.

"What is going on? It's like you're not here mentally, Kate." I could tell she was frustrated, but she was trying to hold compassion for my answer.

"I-I'm sorry," I swallowed thickly, trying to fight the lump in my throat that had appeared. "I'll do better. Just been a tough week."

"You've been so consistent and spot on since you've been a part of this team, and now it feels like you're slipping up. I know we have all our starters healthy again, but I still want to give you playing time. However, you need to earn it, Martin. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Coach. I'm really sorry. I'll do better, I promise," I felt bile rise in my throat from the anxiety I was currently feeling.

Becky patted my back before saying, "I know you will, Kate. Keep your head up, kiddo."

Shortly after my scolding, shoot around was over. I stayed after to take some shots by myself. No matter what I was doing or the adjustments I was trying to make, I couldn't get a majority of my shots to fall. When the 7th shot in a row didn't fall, I grabbed the next ball on the rack and chucked it at the wall behind the hoop. I was frustrated and angry. Jade was shutting me out and it hurt. I grabbed another ball and chucked it again, not really feeling relief, but acting out anyway. My situation with Jade was affecting my playing abilities—was affecting my job—and that was not something I could let happen. I promised myself nothing would come in between my chance to play professionally, yet, here I was, willingly throwing it out the window at the mere thought of a woman who couldn't even be bothered to communicate with me.

I grabbed a ball and aggressively started to dribble it much harder than necessary. I took another shot and missed again. The ball hit the backboard and bounced back to me. I chucked that ball and pushed the rack next to me over. "Fuck!"

I laid down on the ground, feeling my chest start to tighten. A ball rolled to my side and I picked it up, holding onto it for dear life. I felt a tear slip from my eye and I wiped it away in disgust. I was better than this, stronger than this. I needed to be better than this. I tried to steady my breathing as I felt my chest getting continually tighter. I did not need to have a panic attack right now.

I inhaled for six seconds. I was going to be okay.

I held my breath for six seconds. I was going to be okay.