GLOWING (Joel Miller)

25 | The Night Shift

"Did you find anything?"

It pained me to let Ellie down, but I told her the truth. "There was infected. We might go back tomorrow?" I looked over at Joel for confirmation, but he just shrugged. "I think we'll go back tomorrow."

"Okay." Ellie seemed a little deflated. "What do we have left?" I dug around in my bag and pulled out two cans of baked beans. "Beans... again?"

"Sorry, kiddo." I replied, as Joel put the hot plate on the barn floor and cleared the straw around it. "We'll find something different soon."

We ate dinner in silence and I offered to take the first watch. Joel and Ellie got into their sleeping bags on the barn floor and I climbed up to the hayloft, where I dragged an old bucket towards the glassless window and sat down on top of it. My shotgun was in my hands and I was wrapped up in as many layers as I had packed in my backpack. Fall had almost turned into winter, and Nebraska was unforgiving in its weather. The draft through the open cutout in the wall only amplified the cold.

The moon was full and it cast a faint glow onto the grassy plain outside. I could see all the way to the horizon. If anyone came into view, I would see them well before they reached the barn. If we didn't have a destination in Colorado, I would've been more than happy to stay here for a while longer.

"Hey." I was so deep in thought, that I hadn't heard the man ascend the rickety wooden ladder. I whipped around, raising my gun at the ready, but when my eyes adjusted, I came to my senses and realised it was only Joel. "It's just me."

"Sorry." I lowered my gun to the ground and leaned it against the hayloft wall. "I didn't hear you come up." Joel chuckled under his breath and dragged a hay bale over to me, sitting atop it. "You should get some sleep. I'll wake you in a few hours and we can switch."

"It's fine," Joel replied, staring out into the night sky. "I can't sleep." He paused for a moment, pulled out a small book from his back pocket and opened it, flipping to a page about halfway through, before holding it out for me to see. It was an atlas and the page showed a double-page spread of the map of Nebraska. He pointed to where we were. "If we continue at this rate, we won't get to Colorado for another month, at least, and we don't even know where in the state they are."

I clicked my tongue in thought, tracing the line of our current path with my finger. It led to Casper, Colorado, on the Nebraska border. "Do you think it's worth going all the way to Wyoming and finding your brother first?" Joel hummed in thought. "If he was a Firefly, he'll probably know where their lab is."

"That's true," Joel responded, drawing a line with his finger, from Casper to the Wyoming border. "It'll add an extra month or so, but it might be the safer option."

I nodded in agreement. "If we find him, will you stay with him?" Joel looked up at me through his lashes, as I paused momentarily. "Or will you come with us to the lab?"

"I don't know." Joel shrugged, closing the book in his hand and tilting his chin to look up at me properly. "What do you want me to do?"

His expression was unsure, even though I felt Ellie and I had made it pretty obvious that we wanted him to stick around. "I think Ellie really likes having you around." Joel's lips twitched into a tiny smile. "She'll be really sad if you leave."

Joel hummed in response and I fell silent, turning my gaze back to the window, but my attention was still on him. He was watching me curiously. 'What about you?" I met his gaze through my periphery. "What do you want me to do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I..." Why couldn't I say it? I want him to stick around. Was that a bad thing? Why can't I say it? I chewed the inside of my cheek unsurely. "I guess, it'd be nice if you came with us..." I let out a huff and leaned my elbows on my knees, leaning towards him slightly. He didn't move. "Look, I'll admit, I fuckin' hated you when we first met, but you're not so bad, now that I've gotten to know you."