Read this because I'm lonely

I'm sorry/I hate myself

I'm very good at changing myself. I gaslight myself into believing im a certain way untill I become that way

You see I used to be a different person. I used to 

1- be horny like all the time and it was scary and all I read was smut 24/7 and now I'm scarred and talking about sexual things makes me uncomfortable because I get reminded of who I used to be 

2- I would openly simp for every being ever and it was very over the top

3- I was actually confident and not scared to say everything I said and I didn't overthink and I didn't vent and I didn't hate myself

4- I was hyperactive and preppy af

But I've managed to make myself somewhat 'normal' and I hate it. And I wish I didn't change myself because maybe people would like me more if I was the old me 

I feel like, I know that, everyone would like me more if I was the old me and I hate it

Its gotten to the point where I don't even know who the real me is. I don't even understand myself or know my own personality.

I constantly get told that I'm 'different now' and I don't like it

I just want people to like me but they'll never know who I was and I wish I met people at a different time because maybe they'd like me more

But I'm great at being overdramatic so everything sounds wrong and worse and more crazy than it is

Or maybe it's just in my head

I just want people to like me

I don't even know what I am

I wish I was special. 

Something different 

Important 

I'm just a downgraded version of everyone else

Everyone else is better at everything than me

I just exist.