𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙩 - 𝙩𝙬𝙙

nine

Drew

Drew held Hershels weight up with all his might, watching Maggie worry over him.

"Slow down!" She barked, watching him stumble with the crutches. He shooed her off.

"No, I need fresh air. I've got it, Maggie... Do they have a church in here?"

"I'll take him," Drew spoke up before Maggie could open her mouth, partly because he knew she would just worry over him the whole time but also because some part of Drew felt as if this time would make Hershel like him. Even after Drew saved him he still felt like he needed to prove himself to Hershel, like Hershel liking him would magically make Beth fall in love with him.

Beth smiled meekly at him, her big blue eyes glistening.

"Are ya sure? I can-"

"Maggie, I got him, I promise."

...

Drew stood shoulder to shoulder with Hershel, staring up at the big plastic cross on the platform steps. Drew didn't believe in god, he never had, but he still cane to Hershels Sunday bible readings on the farm, because he would use any excuse to be close to Beth, and because something about the way she read the scripture out-loud made it feel like it was all true to him. He would believe the sky was green if Beth had told him.

"Do you feel better? After praying?" Drew asked quietly.

"I do... And I want to not just thank god, son. You saved my life-"

"Hershel, it's okay. Trust me, Maggie and Beth have given me enough thank yous to supply me for life."

Hershel chuckled, looking behind him.

"Help me sit, will you?"

Drew helped him hobbled over to the front row pew, sitting next to him.

"Can I ask you a question?" Hershel kept his eyes glued on the cross. He nodded, biting on his nails, that were already nubs.

"Yes sir."

"When you and Beth sneak off... now I don't need any details but... You're... being safe, right? I just ask because this whole Lori situation is already enough worry. I can't worry about my daughter being pregnant."

Drew felt his face flush hot. He almost laughed until he saw the seriousness on Hershels face.

"You really have nothing to worry about with Beth and I." He wished he was sneaking off with Beth for romantic purposes, but in all reality Beth was the first girl he ever liked, really liked. He would even say he loved her, but he never knew how Beth felt. She was so open and honest with him but she never addressed liking him, so he didn't. He would rather keep her as a friend than not have her around at all.

"I trust your word." Hershel sighed, looking up at the cross. "I always feel most content in the church. Closest you can get with god other than dying."

Drew pursed his lips, not saying anything in return, because he never felt close to god, if anything he felt further and further.

When he was a boy his mom would drag him to church, and after they would go to his grandparents, every Sunday afternoon, everyone would be there. His mom, his beautiful mom, always would laugh and giggle at Drews awkwardness, even Shane would. Shane would give him a rough smack on the back and ask when he was going to bulk up, ask when he planned on becoming a real man... until his mom died.

"Hershel...?" Drew said softly, picking at his nails. He couldn't look Hershel in the eyes and say it.

"Yes?"

"I.. I don't think I believe in god much anymore.." It came out as almost a whisper. Drew didn't want to say it out-loud, especially to Hershel. Maybe there was time in Drews life when he did, when his mom was alive, when she kissed his scraped knees, when she ran her fingers through his thick curly hair, when he could look in the mirror and see her staring back but now all he saw was Shane, and it pained him to say he hated it. He hated that he looked identical to Shane, because as a boy, Shane was his entire world.

Hershel said nothing, which made Drew want to talk more, made him was to spill his entire soul out. Months, months he had held this in, and Hershel said nothing. No judgement, nothing, so Drew continued.

"I did at one point... I think. When my mom was alive... Before the cancer. I mean, I even saw god in Shane at one point. He wasn't always like that.. I promise. He was good. He took good care of me. He was hard on me but he was a good man, Hershel. You have to believe me. Please." He hadn't even noticed the tears welling in his eyes. He quickly bit them back. He didn't cry. That wasn't who Drew was. He wasn't a crier. He looked at Hershel, eyes hopeful that he somehow believed Drew. Because all anyone but Carl and Lori and Rick saw was an evil Shane, a terrible Shane. And he held that guilt of the last night on the farm. Nobody saw the Shane he had.

"Do you believe me?" Drew asked through a broken sentence. He felt himself push the lump in his throat lower and lower and Hershel gazed at him.

Hershel opened his mouth, and Drew sat up straight. He hoped that the words from Hershels mouth would be "I believe you, and I don't judge you." But he never got the chance. A loud bag erupted through the halls. A gunshot.

His first instinct was to throw Hershel onto the ground. He held his arm tightly over Hershels head.

"My girls!" Hershel struggled to push himself back up but Drew fought everything good in him to yank Hershel back down.

"Hershel, stay low, okay? You can't make it to them. Just stay low..." He whispered, although his own worry ate him away. He was one of the only ones who had training with a gun and here he was, stomach to the floor, covering up Hershel. He kept his eyes glued to the door. Another gunshot.

Hershel tried to inch his way up but Drew puched him down once again.

"They are okay, okay? Rick is with them. One of the cell bocks we haven't emptied yet has probably broke open and-"

BANG. BANG. BANG.