Safe and Sound

five - taylor

hey guys! i wanted to let you know that my discord is crimsonclover_13
add me and we can chat there or i'll give you my instagram, because i love talking to you all! 💕

also I'm so sorry about this chapter, I'm sorry its so short and I really don't like it, I struggled so much to write it for some reason. I swear I could only manage to write like 200 words a day, if that. I've been so crazy busy with uni, but hopefully everything starts to flow easier after this one!

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I closed the store at 2 p.m. and headed straight home. Travis had asked me to dinner at his place, but I didn't even need to think about my answer. I wasn't going. Maybe under different circumstances, if my world hadn't shattered, if I wasn't drowning in the heaviest pain I'd ever known, then I might have considered it. But right now, the thought of trusting another man made me feel sick to the absolute bottom pit of my stomach.

I hadn't eaten anything since dinner last night, but I didn't feel hungry at all. Still, I knew I had to eat, so I made my way to the kitchen and made a small bowl of pasta, then sprinkled some cheese on top. I stared at it, then managed to take a few bites, but quickly grew full, and moved my bowl to the sink, not having the energy to clean it up or put it away.

I turned, and paused, the front door catching my eye. All of a sudden it all came back. The way Joe shoved open the door. The way he pushed me against the wall. The way he kicked me violently until my little baby died inside of me.

My breath caught in my throat, and tears welled in my eyes. I felt something break - my heart. It had hit me bad when I'd gone to the hospital, but now, it was tearing me apart. I'd never know my baby. It had been such a short time of knowing her, and I think that's what made it hurt even more. The never knowing what she would've been like.

I had convinced myself she was a girl. It just felt right, and I was going to stick with that. It helped me to feel a bit more connected to her. My chest tightened, sobs suddenly rising from deep inside me, completely unstoppable. I tried to breathe, but the walls felt like they were closing in. I couldn't stay here. I needed to get away.

I stumbled toward the bathroom, desperate for some kind of escape. I turned on the shower, letting the water heat up as I stripped off my clothes. As I pulled off my jeans, something fell out of my pocket - a small scrap of paper. Travis's number. I pressed my lips together as I stared at it for a moment, then quickly placed it on my bedside table.

I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash over me. I looked down, watching the blood mix with the water, the dull red swirling around my feet. I hadn't felt much cramping until now, but each one suddenly hit me hard, a deep ache that made me curl over in pain, holding my empty belly. I pressed my hand against my abdomen, trying to breathe through it, but the tears just kept coming. Everything hurt—my body, my heart. I leaned against the cold tiles, feeling my knees weaken, the weight of the world pressing down on me.

I only stepped out of the shower when the hot water began to run out. Still trembling, I got dressed slowly into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. I crawled into bed, curling up on my side. It would've been no later than 4pm, but I was ready to go to sleep. Maybe then I'd be able to forget about everything.

Time seemed to blur for a while - minutes or hours went by, I couldn't tell. I just laid there, staring blankly at the wall, tears falling silently. Eventually, I needed an escape, anything to stop the ache. My eyes drifted to the nightstand, to Travis's number.

I sat myself up and reached for my phone, glancing at the time. 5:12pm. The sun would set soon, since it was still Winter, but it was still early. Not exactly suitable time to properly go to sleep.