PS 9

8 0 0

by witchlings

by witchlings

DARK PINK

the blood is everywhere
like that red and silver splatter-paint vinyl you spun at the club on your off night
you had shoved something in my nose and someone in my arms
the blood is everywhere

i would breathe but it feels like when i breathed that one time that you almost crashed your car while listening to the smiths-

you talk about how you just feel so taken with the music
how you just feel so much happier off the meds
i clutch your hand instead of my seatbelt
i clutch these memories-

i clutch these memories-

"liz?"

there is nowhere for them to go save for the watercolor palettes beneath my purple-rimmed tear-stained eyes-

"lizzie! please wake up."

carmen?

"oh god, what do i do?"

is that you?

no.

"lizzie, please wake up. it's just a nightmare, please." my spine curves into a question mark, my eyes bright and wide and unseeing. elise.

yes. elise.

"elise?" i murmur, clawing with a crazed desperation at my puzzle board of broken thoughts. "you're still here?"

ouch.

"of course i am," she smiles, though her face is tense. "i-i made breakfast, if that's okay. as a thank you for letting me smother you last night; um, are you alright? you seemed..." she trails off. they always do that when they witness what you left behind. it hurts them like a car crash hurts a bystander, a distant empathetic ache. but i am starving, and i can't remember when i last ate a meal that wasn't old chinese takeout and swallowing my tears

"breakfast? you made food?"

she never stayed. she swallowed my soul and spit between my lips for hours at a time, but she never stayed.

elise smiles so wide
a stretch of bridge i have not yet traversed
a road i would like to have traveled.

"come on," she grabs my hand. she's touching me. nobody has done that in a while. "let's go eat and get you out of your head. it's not doing you any good to be all alone in there," she laughs, but it's like she knows something

all alone in there, are you?

yes. just me and things created by me to replace you.

and elise.

and her smile.