BEFORE THE SUN | kim jiwoong

04 | miss you more

MISS YOU MORE,

Seok Matthew does not understand Kim Jiwoong as well as he wished he did.

They'd been friends for years, inseparable to the point where most places they went to were together, most decisions they made were made together. If Jiwoong wasn't there, Matthew wasn't there either, which is why Matthew found it strange the day Jiwoong turned down a day of clubbing to hang out with a girl he'd met a couple months ago.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Matthew repeated, looking up from his phone as he sat on the couch, watching as Jiwoong struggled to find his shoes. "You never say no to the club."

"I have plans," Jiwoong spoke, kneeling on all fours as he checked under the couch for his shoes, a groan leaving his mouth when he was met with nothing. "You can go with Taerae, or Ricky." He nodded, "Yeah, go with Ricky. He's better at taking care of himself if he gets shitfaced."

"I don't want to go with him," Matthew scoffed. "We literally planned this last month. You said yes then!"

"That was because I didn't have anything better to do then," Jiwoong said, yelling from his room. He sighed in relief when he found his shoes behind his door, picking them up with one hand as he walked back to where Matthew sat, the latter still shocked. "And now I do."

"Your idea of 'something better to do' is to pine after a girl who already told you she wasn't interested?" Matthew's brow raised as he watched the corners of Jiwoong's mouth twitch, unhappy with his words. "Just accept that someone doesn't want to sleep with you for once."

"I'm not pining," Jiwoong said, putting on his jacket. "We're friends." And though it was true, it hurt him to say those words aloud — almost like a part of him wished they were more than that.

"Yeah, so are we."

"Why are you being difficult?" Jiwoong asked, setting his shoes down as he looked at Matthew, annoyed. "You've never cared before. Why now?"

Matthew wondered if it was a good idea to tell Jiwoong that he hated Bae Yeojin and her stupid self-destructive habits. He thought about it, whether he should tell him that being friends with someone who hated themselves was only going to end up harming him in the process — that Jiwoong was going to regret having proposed being friends with her in the first place. But he didn't say anything. Instead, he just looked away, thinking of an excuse that his friend would rather hear.

"You can't even think of anything," Jiwoong mumbled, scoffing as he sat on the floor near the entrance, tying his shoes. "Whatever. I'll see you later, Matt."

"Later being tomorrow?" Matthew asked, somewhat provokingly. "You might as well just move in with her at this point."

"You're so petty," Jiwoong said, grabbing his key as he opened the front door. "See you."

It wasn't Matthew's intention to argue with Jiwoong — in fact, that was the last thing he wanted. He just wanted his friend to realize that nothing good awaited him if he was going to spend most of his time chasing after a girl who couldn't figure out what he wanted. He wanted him to realize that he was just wasting his time.

Frankly, Kim Jiwoong didn't care.

"I can't believe you're spending New Year's here instead of at the club," Yeojin said as she stood in front of the stove in her kitchen, boiling water in a kettle. "That's so boring."