BEFORE THE SUN | kim jiwoong

01 | running in circles

RUNNING IN CIRCLES,

WINTER.

With his brows furrowed in confusion as he sat across from her on her bedroom floor, Kim Jiwoong found it quite difficult to understand Bae Yeojin's nihilistic beliefs. A bowl of strawberries rested in his lap as his eyes moved back and forth between the loose-leaf papers she'd scattered across the floor and her face, fully concentrated as she tried to explain why nothing mattered.

"We live in a materialistic world, Jiwoong," Yeojin spoke, reaching behind her to grab a thick binder with more papers. "It's all about money. Everything in this world revolves around it and it sickens me, the way you all just accept it. We weren't put on this world to worry about money."

Jiwoong nodded, still confused. "Okay," he said, popping a strawberry into his mouth. "Then what were we put here to do?"

Yeojin pointed at him, getting up on her knees. "Absolutely nothing," she said. "Nothing in this world matters. Not the people you meet, not the clothes you buy or the books you read. Absolutely nothing in this world matters because at the end of the day, we're all gonna die and all the effort we put into caring would go to waste."

Jiwoong was lost. Perhaps because it was two in the morning and he'd showed up at her doorstep on a whim, his feet dragging him to her place like a moth to a flame. A part of him was slowly starting to regret even stepping outdoors as he sat across from her with a blank look in his eyes. He stared at her, watching the look on her face change from expectant to disappointed. "You're not getting it," she frowned, sitting down on the floor as her shoulders slumped. "Why am I even talking to you about this?"

"To be fair, this was all you," Jiwoong spoke, his mouth full. "When I knocked on the door, I was not expecting to walk in to you having an existential crisis."

"I'm not having a crisis," Yeojin groaned. "I have to finish writing this stupid, stupid essay that's—" She paused, looking at her phone as she checked the time, "—due in fifteen hours. I haven't even gotten past the introduction."

"What possessed you to become an English major?" Jiwoong asked, his back now on the floor as he stared at the bedroom ceiling, parts of it covered in newspaper. "Like, what part of you thought majoring in English was a good idea? Did it come to you in a dream or something?"

"It's not even that bad." Yeojin got off the floor, her arms full of papers as she set them on her desk, a hand running through her hair as she let out another sigh. "I usually don't have trouble bullshitting an essay. I don't know what's gotten to me."

"You're in love with me," Jiwoong said, eating the last strawberry. "You're in love with me and it's driving you crazy." He looked at her, smiling when she saw the disgusted look on her face.

"See, I knew you were delusional, but not to this extent," Yeojin said, her eyes narrowing. "I am not in love with you, Kim Jiwoong. If anything, the utter thought of you repulses me."

He winced. "Ouch."

When Kim Jiwoong suggested they be friends, Bae Yeojin took it as a challenge. From the moment he'd walked into her bedroom that oddly chilly October night, she made it her mission to make him realize that she was not worthy of friendship — at least not his. It was self-destructive of her, but she was determined to prove her point, which was that Bae Yeojin was not as good of a person as Kim Jiwoong believed her to be.

However, she was off to a terrible start.

In the past two months, Jiwoong had developed nothing but adoration towards Yeojin — she felt it in the way he looked at her when she spoke of how much of an idiot the guy in her psychology class, Yeonjun, was. She felt it in the way he inched closer to her whenever they sat next to each other, his gaze always focused on the side of her face as she spoke, never really looking at him though her words were directed towards him. And she felt it in his actions, the way he offered to share an earbud with her whenever they rode the bus together, the way he always walked a step behind her, the way he always offered his jacket whenever Yeojin happened to mention that it was too cold outside.