BEFORE THE SUN | kim jiwoong

06 | stay in touch

STAY IN TOUCH,

A phone lights up on the nightstand beside Kim Jiwoong's bed, vibrating. He stirs for a moment, his eyes opening slowly and tiredly as he looks up at the ceiling. The sun hadn't risen yet as he reaches over to grab his phone from the nightstand, checking the time. 3:18 AM. Jiwoong sighs, sitting up in bed as a hand runs through his hair, scratching his scalp.

It was far from the first time Jiwoong's sleep had been interrupted. Ever since he landed in Japan a month ago, he'd found that sleeping was quite difficult, no matter how many pills and herbs he'd been recommended. Perhaps it was the unfamiliarity of the house he'd been staying in, the loudness of the city at night something he was unable to get used to in comparison to the quiet streets back home. Or perhaps it was his guilty conscience that kept him up at night, the pile of letters on his desk staring him down as his eyes lingered in that spot, the envelopes unopened.

He didn't know why, but Kim Jiwoong couldn't bring himself to read the letters that Bae Yeojin sent him. Despite reassuring her that they'd stay in touch, that he'd only be gone for a short amount of time, there was something so intimidating about reading her words. Even the text messages she'd sent him, asking how he was doing, why he'd suddenly gone silent — he couldn't explain it, but speaking to Yeojin now that there were hundreds of miles between them scared him.

Now, even the mere thought of seeing her again was terrifying.

Jiwoong's phone lit up once more as he unlocked it, checking all of his unread messages and notifications. He had a few texts from Matthew, who sent pictures every now and then of his nights out with friends. Sometimes, he'd even update him on the state of Yeojin, though Matthew never really spoke to her. He'd just tell Jiwoong when he saw her from afar and how she seemed to be doing — and according to Matthew's words, Yeojin seemed to be just fine.

Still, he couldn't help but feel offended — offended that despite claiming to miss him more, she could live without him as if nothing had almost happened, as if she'd already moved on. But could he really blame her for it? He wouldn't even respond to a single letter or text message, for Christ's sake.

"You'll keep in touch, right?" Yeojin had asked him as they rode the bus to the airport, Jiwoong's only luggage being the backpack, full to the brim, hanging off one shoulder. They stood facing each other as they held onto the metal handle above them, the rest of the seats on the bus filled. "Like you said you would?"

Jiwoong looked at her, his head tilting to the side slightly as a lips formed a smirk. "What, miss me already?" he asked, chuckling when Yeojin's fist met his stomach. "I'm kidding," he said. "Of course I will."

"You better," she said quietly, her eyes looking away from the windows and meeting his, a sort of desperate look in her eyes. She thought about it, whether she should ask about New Year's Eve and what he'd told Xiaoting, whether she should bring up the fact that she was the only female Kim Jiwoong seemed to talk to and if he was talking about her that night. But Yeojin knew better.

She didn't want to start something she knew she wouldn't be able to end.

"I'll miss you," she said to him as he prepared to board the plane. She sat beside him, inhaling as she intertwined her fingers together, resting them on her lap. "Really."

"You already told me," Jiwoong said with a soft smile. He held the ticket and his passport in hand, his fingers tracing the edges. "If you're gonna miss me so much, why don't you just come with me?"

She shook her head, "I couldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"I have things I need to do," she explained. "Trust me, as much as I want to, I can't."