18 Ways Octavian "Accidentally" Dies

Coffee

Octavian Accidentally Angers The Empire And They Decide To Strike Back (by ihatejasongrace)

Octavian was the newest Stormtrooper recruit. He had been a pretty good shot, but for some reason his aim had started to decrease as soon as he joined. Fortunately, the others were just as bad as him. Unfortunately, being the "newbie", he was always called on by his superiors to run small errands. Today was one of those times.

"Octavian, please report to the command room immediately" the overhead speakers blared through the barracks.

Was this it? Was he finally going to be able to leave the Death Star and fight rebels?

Octavian walked down a hallway, feeling as if h was being sent to the principal's office (although he didn't know what a "principal" was) his shaking hand on the command room's handle, he slowly pushed open the door.

There stood the man himself, Darth Vader. He was one of the few lucky people to face him in person! Although technically Octavian wasn't facing him. Vader stood with his back to Octavian, staring out of the giant glass window, his hands folded behind him. Before Octavian could open his mouth, his voice resonated throughout the room.

"A mocha frappuccino triple shot with cinnamon and whipped cream on top CHEE-WOO. And make it quick."

Octavian trudged through the hallways of the colossal mothership, heading towards the nearest coffee kiosk. Once he got the iced coffee, he speed-walked back to the command room, making sure he got there before the frappuccino could get too warm.

The door opened by itself as he reached for the handle, and he was welcomed by the sight of Vader facing him directly, his hand outstretched. Octavian, naturally feeling fright, took three tiny scared steps into the room.

Vader walked towards him, his black cape swishing behind him. He stopped right in front of Octavian and used the force to summon the beverage into his gloved hand.

Octavian wondered how he was going to drink it.

Then, Vader brought the drink really close to his mask, and took a sniff.

Or he was trying to mimic an elephant, Octavian wasn't really sure.

Then, Vader threw the frappuccino on the floor in a fit of rage.

"THIS IS COCOA POWDER CHEE-WOO NOT CINNAMON CHEE-WOO"

Suddenly, Octavian's hands were around his own neck in a choke hold and he was being lifted into the air, his face turning a violent shade of red, then purple, then blue, then finally white.

Once Vader was sure that the traitor was finally dead, he threw his body on the floor, and turned to the terrified guards standing by the door.

"Patrick, I need CHEE-WOO you to clean this mess up CHEE-WOO, Sebastian, you're now on coffee duty CHEE-WOO "

Patrick hurriedly ran over to the spilled coffee, once he had gotten rid of the body. Holding a rag in his hand, he noticed a strong the strong, spicy/nutty odor. Taking off his mask, he brought his face closer to the melting mess. Yup, cinnamon.

The boss really needed to wash his mask once in a while.