Forced to Play Family

Eavesdropping

Noah's Pov

Shame isn't a pleasant emotion. 

It shakes you up in the most serene moments of your life. It keeps reminding you of the sins you committed. It doesn't let you enjoy the impossible dream you held onto. It eats away your confidence and makes you feel worthless. 

It leaves you with nothing but disgust for yourself. 

That's the exact reason why I can't look her in the eyes, why I can't feel the comfort of her presence, why I can't allow myself to talk to her and let her hate me even more. 

I stand behind her, keeping my eyes on the side of her face as she looks around the garden with expressions that tell me just how fascinated but disinterested she is. 

She would rather be anywhere but appreciating the lines of roses and jasmines with me. She doesn't like me, I know that much. But I don't know how to change that. 

Perhaps not being an annoyance to her could work? That's what I've been trying to do. I try not to address her, I try not to take up her personal space, I try not to be the most hated person here. 

When she turns her head to me, I instantly look away. “These are pretty.” She tells me with a forced smile. 

“We planted cherries on the east side, do you wanna go see that?” I offer.   

She hesitated for a moment. “Can we go back? I'm a bit tired now.” Just before I could reply, she added. “But we can see the cherries if you want. I'm not that tired.” 

I don't want to force her. But she obviously doesn't know that. Even if I tell her she won't believe me. No matter what I do now, I can't repair the pieces of her I have broken with my own hands —intentionally but unintentionally at the same time. 

Our relationship might be mendable but what I've done is truly hard to forgive.

“It's fine. We can go back.” I answer. 

I start dragging her wheelchair back towards our mansion. She doesn't try to initiate a conversation, nor did I want to make her uncomfortable. So we both stayed silent, like we have all this time when I wasn't telling her about the different flowers we have or the several ways around the garden.  

Suddenly I noticed a wasp flying near her. Before I could swat it away, it landed on her arm. I instantly leaned forward, picked it up and threw it on the ground as it stung me in the process. 

“Fuck!” I cursed, shaking my hand to get rid of the pain, simultaneously stepping on the bloody wasp that tried to hurt my sister. 

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I liked the concern in her voice. 

She's so nice —nicer than I could ever be. She cares for me even after all I've done to her. Maybe it's her humanity or maybe it's the fact that I'm her brother. My delusional ass wants to believe the latter. 

“Ya, I'm fine.” I lie, even though an intense stinging pain was building up in my thumb. 

She frowned with a certain worry in her eyes. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” I can't let her think I'm fragile. 

We didn't share any words again as I took her inside the mansion while she preciously avoided eye contact with our staff, almost like she hates being in this position. It could be her lack of mobility or just being seen with me that brings her discomfort. 

“Thank you… for helping me with the wasp.” 

A pride bubbles in my chest with her soft grateful words. “I had to, you're my sister. Don't thank me for it.”