Fragments of Us

Chapter 3

The moment hung heavy between them, charged with an awkwardness Hana hadn't felt in years. Nanatili sa kaniya ang mga mata ni Ren. Hindi niya matukoy kung ano ang ipinapahiwatig nito sa kaniya, kung tinutukso ba siya nito o simpleng kuryusidad lamang ang nararamdaman nito sa kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon niya. Either way, her mind was racing.

Hana tried to think of a way to salvage the situation—or escape it.

Kahit mahirap ay pinilit niya ang sarili na mapalunok ng laway bago muling ngumit sa kaharap. "So, I guess I owe you an apology for that."

Gumalaw ng bahagya ang ulo ni Ren, animoy hindi sumasang-ayon sa sinabi niya. "It's not a big deal. People miss things. I figured you had your reasons."

The casual way he dismissed it caught her off guard. No bitterness. No passive-aggressive remarks. Iyon bang parang wala itong pakialam, na sa kung ano man ang dahilan nito ay wala itong interes na mangyari ang kagustuhan ni Kaito na mag kita sila sa blind date na iyon. For that unknown reason, it stung her more than if he had been angry.

Did he not think I was worth being upset over?

Bahagyang gumalaw sa upuan niya si Hana at ini-krus ang mga braso sa harap ng dibdib niya. May kung anong kuryente ang bumalatay sa buo niyang sistema dahilan upang maramdaman niya ang kagustuhang depensahan ang sarili niya.

"I had an exam. It was kind of important."

"I know," ani ni Ren, "Kaito told me."

Sabi na nga ba. Hindi magagawang hindi buksan ni Kaito ang bibig niya. But the fact that Ren already knew this—and still seemed so unfazed—made her feel even more off-balance. Akala niya ay magkakaroon sila ng komprotasiyon kapag nakita niya ang lalaking hindi niya sinipot sa blind date, o di kaya ay ipaparamdam nito sa kaniya na kailangan niyang magsorry ng masinsinan. Instead, Ren was acting like it didn't matter.

For a moment, she wondered if she had overestimated her own importance in all of this. Baka wala talaga siyang pakialam. Baka isa rin lang siya sa mga taong wala siyang interes na makahalubilo man lang kahit ilang minute.

Hana shifted on her seat, glancing at the path where their friends had gone. Dapat ay sundan niya nalang ang mga kaibigan niya, o di kaya'y gumawa ng rason para makaalis sa harap nito bago pa maging malala ang lahat.

But something held her back.

Maybe it was the way Ren looked at her, his gaze steady, or the fact that there was no judgment in his eyes—just that infuriating calmness, like he was waiting for her next move.

"So," dahan-dahan siyang nagsalita, katulad ni Ren ay parang nawalan din ito ng pakialam, "from the start, alam mong ako talaga yun?"

Sumandal sa lamesa si Ren at ipinatong ang mga braso sa ibabaw nito. Muling lumitaw ang maliit nitong ngiti na nakakabagabag kay Hana.

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" Agad naman na tumaas ang mga isang kilay ni Hana habang pinipilit na maging mahinhin kahit na ramdam niya ang pagtibok ng bawat ugat niya sa katawan. "You've just been sitting there, letting me make a fool of myself?"

"You weren't making a fool of yourself," sagot nito sa kaniya, "Gusto ko lang namang malaman kung gaano katagal bago mo malalaman."

Walang pag-aalangan na tinitigan niya ang lalaki sa mga mata ng masinsinan. There was something both irritating and oddly charming about how laid-back he was about the whole thing. His attitude wasn't at all what she had expected.

"Well," ani ni Hana habang taas-noong tumitig pabalik sa lalaki, "I guess you got what you wanted, then."

Ren's smile softened, and for a brief moment, there was a flicker of something more genuine behind his eyes. "I wasn't trying to make fun of you, Hana."

Malambing na ang boses nito ng magsalita dahilan upang kumalma ang puso at utak ni Hana. Animoy dinala ng malakas na hangin ang bigat sa pakiramdam ni niya dahil sa sinabi ng lalaki, dahilan upang makaramdam siya ng kung anong pagkakomportable sa presensiya nito. She feels weird inside of her. Her heart beats in a fine rhythm but her mind has something to say about him, something to see in him.

It wasn't just attraction. There was something deeper. Something about Ren's presence made her feel exposed, like he could see through the surface of her carefully crafted confidence.

Pasimpleng iginalaw ni Hana ang katawan sa inuupuan, nagbabakasakaling mawala ang kakaibang naiisip niya. This was crazy. Wala siyang idea kung sin oba talaga ang lalaking kaharap niya ngayon aside from the fact that she had unintentionally stood him up. Wala siyang rason para makaramdam ng pagkagusto kay Ren, not when she barely knew him. But the connection was undeniable, and it made her uncomfortable in a way she couldn't explain.

"What now?" matapos ang ilang minutong katahimikan ay nagsalita siya upang muling bumalik ang isip niya sa reyalidad. She was trying to break the tension with a light tone, but her voice came out more serious than she intended.

Hindi nakatakas sa mga mata ni Hana ang paghabol ng tingin ni Ren sa mga mata niya bago siya yumuko. "That's up to you."

Her heart skipped a beat. May kung ano sa tono nito na nakapaghila na naman sa utak niya pabalik sa iniisip niya kanina. It made her think he wasn't just talking about the awkwardness of their blind date situation. He was giving her a choice—stay and see where this attraction led, or walk away and pretend nothing ever happened.

Hindi malaman ni Hana ang sasabihin. She felt torn between the rational part of her that told her to cut her losses and move on, and the part of her that wanted to explore whatever this was. Hindi lang basta thrill ang habol niya. Alam niyang may kakaiba kay Ren kung bakit hindi niya magawang mairita rito ng todo. Hana knew herself more than anybody else do. Kapag ayaw niya sa lalaki ay hindi niya ito pag aaksayahan ng laway at mas lalo ng oras. She's too straightforward, and Ren making her act like this is something new to her.

But could she really pursue something with him now, knowing what had happened? Or was this just a recipe for more confusion and guilt? Hindi niya ito sinipot sa blind date. All this time, alam ni Hana ang kasalanan niya kahit pa sabihin niya ng paulit-ulit sa sarili na justifiable ang rason niya. She even felt ashamed of what she did.

"I—" she began, pero bago pa man niya maipagpatuloy ang sinasabi ay narinig niyang sumigaw sa di kalayuan ang kaibigan nilang si Kaito.

"Hey! What are you two doing?" Kaito jogged over to them. Malaki ang ngiti nito sa labi na halatang nang-iinis sa kanilang dalawa lalo na kay Hana. "Tagay na lang daw tayo sabi nila Enero. Wala naman daw pasok bukas."

Hana blinked, the spell between her and Ren broken. Mabilis siyang ngumiti sa gawi ni Kaito kahit na naglalaro pa rin ang isip niya sa mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa kanila ni Ren.

"Let's go." Tumayo sa upuan niya si Ren, inilagay ang mga kamay sa mga bulsa ng gray pants niya at muling nawala ang kaninang ekspresiyon na nakikita ni Hana ng sila lang dalawa ang magkaharap.

The three went to their friends silently. Tahimik na sumusunod sa kanila si Ren sa likod habang nakaakbay naman sa kaniya si Kaito na malaki pa rin ang ngiti sa mga labi.

But Hana couldn't help glancing back at Ren one last time. He caught her gaze, and for a split second, the smirk returned.