UNCERTAIN

7. The weight of expectations

Weekends were supposed to be a time to relax, to unwind after a long week, but for Ariel, they were nothing more than suffocating, endless cycles of stress. Every Friday, she dreaded going back home, knowing her time there would be far from restful. If only she could stay in her condo, reading her books or escaping into anime-her safe haven away from reality. But her parents' strict rules dictated otherwise, and so, like every weekend, Ariel found herself making the trip back to the place that felt more like a cage than a home.

When she arrived, she was already exhausted. The weight of the next two days felt unbearable. No sooner had she walked through the door than her parents began their usual interrogation about her studies. They didn't even greet her properly-just launched straight into questions. She sighed inwardly, already knowing what was coming.

Silently, she handed them her quizzes and exam results. Some were perfect, and others had a few mistakes-two or five at most. For someone in college, especially a third-year student like her, it was no small feat to maintain such high scores. She was consistently top of her class in written exams and quizzes, but her parents never seemed to care about that. They only focused on where she fell short.

Oral recitations. Her lack of confidence in speaking up during class always dragged her down, and that's what her parents zeroed in on. It was never enough for them-nothing ever was.

"You're too quiet, Ariel," her father said sharply, as if that were something she could fix overnight. "How are you going to be successful if you can't even speak in front of people?"

Her mother just shook her head in disappointment. "These scores are good, but you should aim higher. You can't afford to make mistakes."

Ariel sat there, staring at the floor as their words washed over her. She had heard this all before. It was the same every weekend. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how many sleepless nights she endured to maintain her grades, it wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough.

She sighed again, feeling drained, her throat tight. It felt like she had been running a marathon her entire life and still hadn't reached the finish line. Her parents expected blood, sweat, and perfection, but what they didn't realize was that Ariel was already bleeding inside. She was so tired.

Her thoughts drifted back to the darkest moment of her life-the time she almost gave up. It was her last year in junior high school when the pressure had become too much. She was fed up with everything-her parents' expectations, her own inability to meet them, the crushing weight of it all.

That day, she had been staring at the ceiling, lying in her room, and her eyes had landed on a spot where she could tie a rope. It seemed like the only way out at the time. She had searched for a rope, but when she couldn't find one, she had gone to the kitchen and grabbed a knife instead. Her hands had been shaking as she pointed the blade at her stomach, thinking about all the things that had driven her to this point-her parents, school, the suffocating feeling of being trapped in a life she didn't want.

But just as she was about to press the knife into her skin, her best friend, Kycie, had burst into the room.

Kycie had seen what was happening, and her reaction was instant. She rushed to Ariel, grabbing the knife from her trembling hands, and tears had spilled down her face as she begged her to stop.

"Ariel, please... don't do this," Kycie cried, her voice thick with emotion. "You can't leave me. How can you even think of doing this?"

Ariel had just stared at her, too numb to respond. Kycie, her childhood enemy-turned-best friend, was the last person she had expected to save her. But in that moment, Kycie had been the only one who truly saw her pain, who cared enough to stop her from doing the unthinkable.

As Kycie held her, Ariel had broken down. She cried-loud, guttural sobs that seemed to come from a place deep within her. She cried for all the years of being pushed too hard, of never feeling good enough, of being suffocated by expectations that weren't her own.

Thank God her parents hadn't been home that day.

Kycie had hugged her tightly, whispering words of comfort, telling her that she was worth so much more than the grades, the expectations, the pressure. And for the first time in a long time, Ariel had felt seen, had felt like someone actually cared about her beyond her academic achievements.

That day had been a turning point. Ariel had promised Kycie she wouldn't try to take her own life again, and she hadn't. But the weight of everything still clung to her, and sometimes, like today, it felt overwhelming. She knew she couldn't go back to that dark place, but it didn't change the fact that she was tired-so, so tired.

Ariel lay in bed that night, staring at the same ceiling, her mind heavy with thoughts. Kycie's words echoed in her head, grounding her, reminding her that there was more to life than what her parents expected.

But as she closed her eyes, the familiar feeling of suffocation returned. Tomorrow would be another day of the same. She could only hope she had enough strength to keep going.

Ariel sat on the balcony of her condo, staring out at the city skyline. The evening air was cool, and the lights below shimmered like stars. It was a view that always relaxed her, a brief escape from everything. But as soothing as it was, it never seemed to be enough to lift the burden that sat heavy on her shoulders.

She smiled bitterly to herself, leaning back in her chair. "Until when am I going to live like this?" she muttered under her breath.

She had survived another weekend with her parents, but it always felt like she barely made it out alive. Between the endless lectures about her studies and the constant scrutiny, she often felt like she was suffocating. The weight of their expectations was unbearable, and no matter how hard she tried, it was never enough.

In all honesty, she’d much rather be buried under a mountain of schoolwork than spend time at home. School might be stressful, but at least she had control over that part of her life. At home, she felt powerless.

Her mind wandered back to the one time she had tried to rebel. It had been in her first year of college, when she had made a few friends and hung out with them occasionally. It hadn’t affected her grades at all—if anything, it gave her a much-needed break from the constant studying. But when her parents found out, they had been furious. They had demanded she stop hanging out with them, insisting that it was a distraction.

It had been frustrating, to say the least. But despite her anger, something inside her had stopped her from standing up to them. It was as if she was hypnotized, conditioned to always follow their commands without question.

No matter how much she wanted to, Ariel couldn’t bring herself to oppose them.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she looked down at the street below. The memory of that brief attempt at freedom still stung. It wasn’t just the fact that she had lost her friends—it was the realization that she couldn’t break free from her parents’ control, no matter how much she wanted to.

Her phone buzzed, pulling her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the screen and saw a reminder for an assignment due in a few days. The mountain of schoolwork waiting for her loomed in the back of her mind.

"Right," she said to herself, pushing herself up from the chair. "I should do it now unless I want to cram again."

Even though school was stressful, at least it was something she could handle. It was something she could pour herself into, a distraction from everything else. If nothing else, her grades were one thing she had control over. And so, despite the exhaustion gnawing at her, she went back inside, sat at her desk, and started working.

The view from the balcony faded away, replaced by the familiar glow of her laptop screen, and the steady rhythm of her fingers typing. It was just another night in her endless routine.

But as she worked, the question still lingered in the back of her mind: How long am I going to live like this?

To be continued...