to be with you

anxiety

Beca's POV:

"Because I love you!" I cried, taking Chloe's hands and holding them tightly. "I hate to see you suffer. But I..I don't get it. You always talk me out of smoking, so why do it yourself?"

"I-I..I guess it helps with the stress." She stammered, freeing a hand and gripping the hem of her dress and bouncing her leg.

I nodded. "I get that. It really does help with stress. But it's also really addictive and it's dangerous. Plus....you're using it to harm yourself in ways other than it damaging your lungs. That's what hurts me the most. The smoking I can understand, but...please stop harming yourself."

"It's harder than that, Bec..."

"I know. I get that. And I'm here to help you every step of the way." I promised.

Chloe's grip tightened on her dress and she began breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" I asked, my hand reaching for hers.

"I-I think I'm ha-having a-a-an anxiety attack.." Chloe croaked, gasping for air. I stood up immediately, taking her hands and looking her in the eyes. "Alright. Calm down. Take some deep breaths. I'll do them too, okay? Ready?"

She nodded hesitantly, shutting her eyes as her tears began to fall. "Okay, in for three," I whispered, taking a breath at the same time as she did. "And out for three."

We continued taking deep breaths until she began to calm down. "Better?"

"Mhm...sorry, I-I just got really panicked, I didn't want you to know about any of this, and-" Chloe began to ramble, so I cut her off.

"Chloe. Listen to me. It's okay, you don't have to panic about it. I'm glad that I know now, I'd rather know that you're hurting yourself than think that you're struggling alone." I explained, wiping her tears with my thumb.

Stacie came to the bar, pausing when she saw what was happening. "Oh my gosh, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is fine." I smiled, putting my arm around Chloe as she stood up. We walked back to the table, followed by Stacie.

Aubrey glanced at Chloe, then mouthed, "is she okay?" at me. I nodded, then mouthed back, "I'll explain later." Aubrey smiled softly, then turned to Stacie and kissed her gently.

"Alright guys, calm it down." Amy giggled.

Cynthia nodded, opening her mouth to say something, but I shot her an angry glance and she stopped.

"Right, personally, I think it's time we go back to the hotel, get a few drinks there, and then we go to bed and....do whatever it is you guys do in bed." Emily said, picking up on Chloe's mood.

"I agree, I'll go call for a taxi." Ashley said, standing up and leaving.

Chloe got up almost immediately, so I stood up and followed her. We got outside and it was dark, the air freezing cold.

"God, it's cold out here.." Chloe whispered, shivering. I took my blazer off and put it around her shoulders, giving her a small side hug. "That better?"

"I don't deserve you." She smiled softly, leaning her head on my shoulder. A taxi pulled up, so me, Chloe, Stacie and Aubrey got in.

------

As I entered the bathroom at the end of the hallway, Aubrey came out of her room and closed the door quietly, walking towards me.

I frowned. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded, walking into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

"Okay, why are we locked in a bathroom together?" I laughed nervously. "Chloe won't come in if the doors locked, and neither will anyone else."

"Why are we focused on Ch- Oh, yeah..."

Aubrey nodded, putting the toilet seat down and taking a seat.

I leaned against the shower door, looking at the blonde. "Okay, uhm..she had a panic attack. That's really all that happened. I filled you in on the smoking situation when I came to the table. So..that's all I know." I shrugged, taking my shirt off and tossing it to the floor, followed by my pants.

I stood before Aubrey in just my underwear and socks, which isn't anything she hasn't seen before, shivering from the cold air. "Uh..are you gonna sit in here and watch me get naked, or...?"

"No, obviously not. Have a great shower I guess?" She said, raising an eyebrow.

"Thanks..." I replied awkwardly, unlocking the door and closing it behind her.

I slid open the shower door, switching on the hot water and taking off the rest of my clothes. I heard a knock at the door, so I sighed and pulled a towel around my body. I shuffled towards the door, opening it.

"Can we talk?" Chloe asked, walking in and locking the door behind her. "Sure." I smiled, dropping the towel and putting it on the floor.

I got into the shower, leaving the door open just enough to be able to hear Chloe.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you about my anxiety." Chloe said, hanging her head in shame. I shook my head quickly, glancing at her as I squeezed some shampoo into my hand and ran it through my hair. "Don't be sorry. It's fine." I replied quickly.

Chloe nodded slowly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "No, I should have told you. I'm super sorry."

"Baby, it's okay." I said, tipping my head forwards and rinsing the shampoo out of my hair.

She looked super anxious and her leg started bouncing up and down again. "Babe, are you okay?" I asked. She nodded, looking up at me. "I ran out of cigarettes and I really, really need one right now." She muttered.

"Well...maybe this is a good time to stop?" I said hopefully. Chloe shook her head, fidgeting about.

"No, I-I need one."

I sighed, then nodded towards my pants. "There's a lighter and a cigarette in there. Open the window in our bedroom and do it there." I said.

She wasted no time in getting the cigarette, rushing out of the room and leaving the door wide open. "Oh, for fuck's sake, Chloe!" I yelled. She didn't come back though.

Emily was passing by in the hallway, so she came and shut the door for me. "Thanks, Em!"

"Of course. Have you got your vape?" She asked.

I froze. "What did you just say?" I snapped.

"I just want to try a bit..." She mumbled. I shook my head quickly. "Maybe when you're a bit older, I'll let you have some. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Can you check on Chloe?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, Em."

"No problem!"