Give Your Heart A Break

If there was anything Nathan could really say about himself, when asked about his childhood or things like that, he would normally just say he was a good listener.

He wasn't wrong, he had been one, but that is a skill you pick up quite readily being British-Caribbean and also a wallflower. His sister would say he was a quiet kid, but that's because she never knew the truth till they were much older as she didn't attend the same school as he did, even if she was subjected to the same points of view anyway.

No, Nathan could say with absolute certainty that if he didn't despise having to hear other people's issues (at least, outside of the people he cared about), he may have become a psychologist instead of an art teacher, but he's here now and he's not particularly fussed about going anywhere soon. Not exactly time for a career change.

Plus, if he /hadn't/ become a teacher, he would have never met Youssef.

Ah, Youssef. He felt a familiar smile against the rim of the paper cup he was consuming third-rate coffee out of before it gave way to present worry. The man was an enigma, different to the type Nathan would have gone for, but in the best way. It's been a long year, full of highs and lows, but Youssef's presence in his life has made it a hell of a lot more bearable.

Now, it was coming up to their first winter as a couple and while neither of them really celebrated Christmas (him having a background stemming from Kwanzaa and the latter having gone through Eid al-Fitr a few months earlier), there wasn't anything against staying out on a lazy weekend drinking mulled wine as it was hawked through the streets.

There also wasn't anything against watching cheesy romantic comedies set around Christmas that Nathan could pester Youssef into watching. However, lately, Youssef had been avoiding the TV altogether and Nathan could sadly understand why.

It was plastered all over the TV, the war. The fighting. The deaths. You couldn't escape it. Even at Truham, the students had picked sides and that had started to get rather ugly. That most likely was adding to Youssef's avoidance of everything, but Nathan wasn't exactly going to admonish him for it given he didn't exactly want to keep seeing the pain his boyfriend was clearly in as he walked the halls and pretended that everything was fine.

He wondered what Youssef did when he didn't stay the night or the weekend, back at his own apartment which Nathan, was seriously considering moving into as it was a fair bit nicer than his own. Did he have all that noise on when he was praying in the mornings? Or did he turn the TV off and live in the quiet? It most likely wasn't his place to speculate, but from the lines that deepen the cheeks that he kisses, he can guess.

He looks exhausted. More than he did every other morning when they didn't carpool together. He doesn't know how to help him either, despite his own knowledge of the world being against him.

Don't get him wrong, despite having an easy run so far, it's not like he hasn't experienced racism. It's a part of his life that he'll always carry around with him, especially in this world he finds himself in. One nasty comment here and there, one uneducated person opening their mouth. He learned to take it for what it was, normalcy.

Islamophobia on this scale, however, was something that was not normal and Youssef was paying one of many prices for it, their students in the same boat being comforted by their parents and religious figures. Youssef practically had none of that. His parents were further afield and most likely, under the same stressors and as far as he knew, Youssef had stopped attending mosque since he left home due to being gay, despite lying to his parents that he still does.

He did have him though and that would have to do. He would make it that way if he must.

They're at lunch, sorting through GCSE results when he makes his move. He can see the way Youssef's looking at the papers, the shake of his hands as he fights (in Nathan's mind) not to start tearing them up in anger. He kills him inside.

So he takes his hand, fingers over his fist. It takes him out of his world that Nathan doesn't want him in, watching as Nathan forces him to uncurl them and hold their appendances together before he puts his own coursework down and embraces him.

Youssef tenses for a moment, caught off guard, but then he relaxes into his arms, even if it's only just for a brief second. They're at school after all, they've already had this discussion, despite the fact it's been almost forever since the last time they had.

"I'm here." As soon as Nathan murmurs those words, it's like a dam opening and he can feel Youssef curl in closer, his body shaking. He can't hear him cry, because god knows if anyone knew Youssef cried, then people would have to be brainwashed more than they are now, but he knows that he is and he just continues to hold him as the break ticks slowly away and shadows cast themselves across the windows of the art room like a cover as he does.

He doesn't exactly know when Youssef stops crying, but he suddenly hears a horse voice speak after a while, meek and small. "When will it end?"

He sighs. "It won't end, my love. Not anytime soon." He hates saying that and he knows the answer stings as Youssef flinches, before mumbling. "It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair, darling." Nathan presses a rather aggressive kiss to his forehead in order to prevent himself from crying. "Maybe one day it will be for all of us. Let's just get through today for now and then later on, we can shut ourselves back away where they can't hurt us."

"Promise?" The word's a whisper, but it's heavy at the same time.

"Promise." A moment later, students flood the great hall where they've relocated and there's no trace that either of them were sharing a moment together, Youssef's eyes not even red as he looks over at Nathan and smiles in his normal, pensive way, eyes saying a lot more.

Nathan just murmurs 'love you' in his direction before he turns away, because he really does.

He really, really does.