When I choose to love you (Sebastian Sallow fanfiction)

Chapter one - Prologue

June Malender, a brown haired girl with big greyish eyes and freckles over her nose from London, started Hogwarts at the fifth year and got sorted in to Slytherin. Kind of special, most people would think. But she was a good student, IS a good student. She befriended many of the other students, but some of them she grew closer to. Natsai Onai and Poppy Sweeting were two of her best friends. But there were also Sebastian Sallow and Ominis Gaunt who welcomed her with open arms into their year and class - and also the same house.

Her first year of Hogwarts was more than she ever could have guessed. It was filled with joy and happiness, but also filled with trauma, grief and hurt. No one prepared her on all of the losses and sacrifices she had gone through. It had all been a whirled wind. But at least, she wasn't alone in all this.

Under the year, she grew a lot closer to Sebastian Sallow than she ever thought. At first, they were friends, friends who studied together, laughed together, pulling pranks together and drinking butterbeer together. But after some weeks, maybe months, something lit up in June. It was like a flame of agony and desire of being near him, being able to touch him, hug him, be around him. Her skin burned when he accidentally touched her hands and at some point, she thought she was about to lose herself. His smell of flames and (weird enough) wax gave her shivers and there were just something about him she couldn't quite put her finger on. Everything they did together, never felt like it was enough. She never had the feeling of enough time together with him. He was all she could dream of, all she could think of. Everything about him made sense to her, and yet, he didn't make any sense to her at all. But she knew, she couldn't lose this one. Even though the losses through out the year made some deeper scars on her soul, this one would hurt the most. She had to protect this at all costs. And what she did not know, was that Sebastian felt the same all along. He felt the urge to protect her at all costs. The desire and agony was mutual. And she was never to forget when he told her. She was scared to tell him first, in case he didn't feel the same and she did not want to make a fool out of herself.

"You know, June.." Sebastian started, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. Something that felt like swallowing the golden snitch, at least that was what he imagined it would feel like when he thought about it. He was nervous, hands shaking and his skin felt like it was about to burn him alive.

"..Hmm?" June looked up from her book. They were studying in the Undercroft this afternoon. Sebastian thought it would be the best opportunity to break the ice here.
"I don't know how to break this to you.." June looked confused, Sebastian stood up. "I'm mad for you. I've been mad about you for months. I've been a real twat, not having the courage to tell you. But I can't hide it from either you or myself anymore. I'm mad.."

June stood up. Her eyes grew larger as he spilled the news to her.
"I..." she didn't even get to finish her sentence before he continued.

"All of these months, all I could think about, is you. No one else. I've been trying not to - didn't really go how I thought it would. When i'm with you, it's like all of the other problems in my life just disappear. You give my soul peace. My heart is filled with joy when you're near. And still I don't feel like I can be near you because you make me feel all these other things. This agony, not being able to hold your hand, the desire of always wanting you close. For all, I rather be sleeping because there, I might find you. You are everything I desire. My heart is screaming your name, every second of the day. It's always you, it will always be you, who make me feel utterly calm and at peace with both myself and the surroundings." Sebastian took a deep breath. June just stood there, eyes like something just exploded.

"Please... say something...?" His eyes teared up a bit.

June smiled "I could not have said it in any other way. I burn for you Sebastian."

She grew to like Sebastian a lot more than just a friend, she even loved him. And he choose to love her too. He told her that, many times after his confession - that he loved her to death. June never really thought about those exact words, but it got so clear from time to time.

Sebastian was a very curious wizard but also a wounded one. Wounded because the aching thought of his twin sister. He liked to dig deeper in magic and at some point of his researching, he found the darker side of it all. The dark and unforgivable curses. He didn't use them, at least not what June knew of. Or, she knew he used it once, maybe twice, and that is something she will never forgive him for.

They were in the Feldcroft catacomb and Sebastian was holding the Relic in his hands with Inferi surrounding him. That was when Solomon came and snatched the whole thing out of Sebastians hands and destroyed it the second after. After that, everything went black. June could only hear screams and breaths panting. It felt like she was in a whole other dimension. And then.. everything went quiet. She saw a green light and heard words she came to learn she would despise. Sebastian killed him, cold blooded.

Back at Hogwarts June was thinking. She couldn't send him off to Azkaban, no way in hell. Even though that would've been the right thing to do, she couldn't do it. He was only fifteen. She couldn't destroy his whole life just like that even if Ominis suggested it would be for the best, but it would kill her slowly day by day knowing he would never come back. Maybe he wouldn't either way, one can never be the same after splitting their soul in two.

She sent an owl to Sebastian to meet her in the Undercroft. When Sebastian came down there he thought it would be a whole other conversation than the one who took place. June cried when he came down. He tried to take her hand but she pulled it away. He looked at her with shocked eyes.

"What is it? Why are you crying?" His eyes turned black, he was angry. "Has someone hurt you?".

June took a deep breath. "Yes. You have."

Sebastian looked at her with confused eyes.
"What do you mean? What have I done?"

June couldn't believe him. "What you have done? Sebastian... What did you do today? What were you thinking?" He had no clue what she was talking about. "Unforgivable curses? You promised me. It was not supposed to happen again, not after the scriptorium. You promised."

Sebastians eyes narrowed "What was I supposed to do? Solomon would've destroyed you. He would've blown you to pieces? Are you insane? It was the only thing I could grasp on to, to help Anne"

June shook her head, was she insane? Did he really ask her that?
"AM I INSANE? No, i'm reasonabel." Sebastian just looked at her then turned his head to the wall.

"You cant just go around and hurt people because you want to save me and Anne, because you need us" June gasped. Sebastian got furious.

"BUT I DO. AND YES, I would kill for you, and that's sickening. But you know what? I would also die for you. If someone was to duel you and wanted you dead I would take your place, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME" not a single mention about Anne this time.

"...But why?"
"Because you deserve to live."
"You do too, Sebastian.."
"No June, I don't. You know why? I do love with all my heart. But I also hurt people because I want to and I mean it when I do it. I DO THAT. And you don't. Therefore, I would die for you. Because you got a good heart and deserves to live, and I don't."

She was just standing there. Looking at him. Tears filling her eyes up. Debating on if she should turn him in and give him a ticket to Azkaban, but she shook off those thoughts again as she did before she sent him the owl. She wanted to save him, to work out things with him, make him see clearer, to help him.

"...no" she whispered. Sebastian turned away, ready to leave.

"YOU DO NOT GET TO LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, SEBASTIAN SALLOW." Something lit in her eyes, a flame she had never felt this strong before. Anger? Maybe. All she knew was that her blood was boiling in her veins.

He turned around, a single tear running down his cheek. She walked over to him. "You don't.. get to leave me. Not now, not like this. You don't get to choose to leave me when you have chosen to love me" She grabbed his hand. Sebastian met her eyes.

"I am choosing to love you and that's the reason this is for the best." He cupped her cheeks and stroke the left one with his thumb, looking straight into her eyes. He kissed her forehead. "This is not goodbye." And just like that, he was gone.