The promise you forgot to keep

A Tiger's bittersweet grief

Atsushi was devastated. He was sad. He just couldn't anymore. Akutagawa has met his end. Atsushi had lost Akutagawa's coat while swimming in the water, too.

"Can't my life get any worse...? I lost his coat in the water, trying to survive... The coat was something very dear to him... But most importantly...

I lost him.

No words can describe how much that hurts, knowing that the person you finally got along with after all those fights... Was snatched from you. Just like that. All the time we fought alongside each other meant a lot to me. I liked him. I may even have loved him. But I never got to tell him that..."

Atsushi thinks to himself as silent tears run down his face.

"I couldn't protect him. I'm weak. I'll never be enough. The caretakers in the orphanage were right about me."

Atsushi silently cries to himself. He wanted to cling onto Akutagawa's coat, but he remembered... He lost that too. Now the only thing remaining of Akutagawa are the memories they made. The awful ones, the near-death-experience ones, the beautiful ones...

It took him a while before realizing that he actually loved Akutagawa.

He wanted him back.
Alive.

But deep down, he knew that wasn't possible. Akutagawa is gone.

He
Is
Gone.

Atsushi thought about all those memories they made. The constant bickering was annoying, but it meant so unbeliveable much to him. Even if it was bickering, it was still kind of a conversation with Akutagawa. And having a conversation with him was hard, cosnidering his personality traits.

Right now, Atsushi decided that it's better if he goes home. And that's what he did.

Once he got home, he fell onto his bed, crying into his pillow. Why. Just Why.

"Why did this have to happen... Why? I swear to god, I will kill you..!"

Atsushi said angrily, referring to the guy that killed Akutagawa.

"Akutagawa shouldn't have died. He should've lived. I could've taken him to Yosano and she could've treated his disease...! He could've lived up to his dream of receiving Dazai's approval..."

Atsushi thinks to himself and it makes him cry even more. Why did he have to die so soon. So young. He was only 20. No man should die this early.

Atsushi cried the whole night...