confessions

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I walked down the hallway with Jenna beside me, laughing about some stupid instagram reel she just showed me. We navigated through the sea of students, dodging elbows and backpacks as we made our way to our first class.

Jenna was my best friend since nearly 5 years, we practically did everything together, until she met her current boyfriend Otis. Don't get me wrong, he is a nice tall guy, who is actually smart and quite likable. He has good grades, a sense of humor and the looks. But here is the problem, he is too perfect, like he has no flaws whatsoever. Oh yeah, and he dates my crush..
Since I found out that I'm attracted to girls, I had one relationship and countless flings with no real meaning behind them, but Jenna was always on my mind. Every damn time I would meet someone new, I compared them to Jenna and instantly lost interest in them. No one was as smart, as pretty, as funny and just as perfect as she was. Yeah well spoiler alert, she is straight AND taken, so I made somehow peace with the fact that „us" will never happen. Nor will she ever find out about my feelings for her, there is too much risk of losing her in the process of that.

As we turned the corner, I noticed two seats available near the front of the class. Jenna and I quickly sat down next to each other and I took out my stuff. Meanwhile, Jenna was on her phone, her eyes glued to the screen as she giggled and typed out replies, probably exchanging messages with Otis. I quietly sighed and started doodling in my sketchbook, trying to distract myself. „Omg Y/N, you got to see this", Jenna interrupted my plan, holding her phone up for me to see. „He just sent me this picture, his cat is so fucking cute." I looked at the picture on her phone and saw a goofy selfie of Otis, holding his cat, with of course no shirt on.. I internally cringed at the picture, I mean the whole „cat" thing is so fucking overrated, common. But of course I can't and won't say that, instead I just agreed on how cute the cat looked and went back to drawing. Jenna just shrugged and put her phone away, as the class was about to start. After a long hour of greek mythology, the bell finally rang and we packed our things together.

„Hey by the way, there is a party this Friday and Henry already invited us. His parents are gone for the weekend, so he wants to throw a big ass party at his house. You have to come with me Y/N please", Jenna explained to me while walking to our next class. „Ahh Jenna, you know how I feel about Henry, he is just a rich posh who wants to flex with his mansion", I shrugged. Jenna linked her arm with mine and put on her irresistible puppy-face. „Pleaseee, it will be fun. Fuck Henry, there will be so many other people and in addition, you have me hello?", she stated in a fake- disbelieving tone. I chuckled at her while rolling my eyes. „Yeah yeah, don't even act like you don't already know that I will say yes", I huffed, slightly pinching her side. She just laughed at my statement and agreed with me on that. „Well then it's set, I'll pick you up at 9 and oh something else. Otis is gone for the weekend on some family camping trip, do you think I could sleepover at yours?" A bright smile formed on my face, not only is Otis gone, she also wants a sleepover again, after what felt like months. „Yeah of course, I would really enjoy that", I answered, with much more energy then before. Jenna smiled at me and skipped happily beside me, still linked up with my arm. „Yay, finally some girls time again."

The rest of the week flew by and Friday was getting closer. When the bell signaled the end of the week, I quickly went home and got ready for the party at Henry's. I put on some dark blue baggy jeans with a white long-sleeve shirt and a gray t-shirt over it. It was early September, so it wasn't particularly warm anymore. Satisfied with my look, I sat down on my bed, waiting for Jenna to pick me up. Not long after, I got a text from her saying that she was in front of my house. With a smile, I jumped off the bed and made my way outside, into her black car. As I got in, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was wearing a black miniskirt, black tights under it, with an oversized white shirt and some belts around her waist. Her hair was half up, with some strands perfectly framing her face. She looked drop-dead gorgeous and so fucking hot.

„Staring much?", she chuckled, while putting the car in drive. Instantly I pulled my eyes off of her, my face flushed in embarrassment. „Yeah don't flatter yourself, your outfit is just really cool", I shrugged nonchalantly. I could see her small grin, even though she kept her eyes on the traffic. „Thanks, I like yours too, you look hot." If it was even possible, my cheeks turned even redder and I just mumbled a quiet thank you. After a short drive, we arrived in front of Henry's stupidly big mansion. We parked along the roadside and walked towards the entrance. We came across many drunk teenagers, some of them laying in the grass and others just stumbling around. The music grew louder the closer we got to the house and the bass vibrated in the air. We were quickly let in and found ourselves in a huge living room. The party was in full swing, the air thick with the smell of alcohol and sweat. Music blared loudly from the speakers, the bass thumping through the floor and making it hard to hear. I could see groups of people everywhere, some dancing, others clustered together, chatting and laughing.

Jenna grabbed my wrist, her fingers cool against my skin. „Common, lets find something to drink", she said, her voice slightly raised over the loud music. We pushed our way through the crowd, dodging stumbling teens and spilled drinks. The kitchen was filled with people, mostly surrounding the counter, where a variety of alcohol stood. We made us some drinks and headed back to the living room. We found a small spot on the dance floor, squeezed between other groups of people. We swayed to the music, our bodies moving in sync with the beat. Occasionally we crossed paths with some of our mutual friends. We exchanged quick hello's and smiles, but the music was too loud to hold extended conversations. Our movements became more and more silly as the alcohol coursed through our veins. I tried to keep my focus on my drink and not let my eyes wander, but it was nearly impossible. She looked so incredibly attractive as she danced, her hips swaying with the music, sending my heart racing.

She then quickly excused herself, to go for a smoke with some of her friends. As I continued to dance, another girl approached me, clearly showing interest in me. She was really pretty and flashed me a cute smile. We started moving together and the alcohol in my system made me bolder and before I knew it, my hands were finding their way to her waist, pulling her closer. As I danced more intimately with the girl, I was suddenly aware of Jenna's presence behind me. I looked up to see her standing there with an expression I couldn't quite decipher. There was a glimmer of anger in her eyes, a slight furrowing of her brow and a tightness around her mouth. As I looked at her expression, my mind began to race. A part of me wondered if she was feeling jealous of the girl I was dancing with. But I quickly pushed the thought aside, telling myself I was seeing things that weren't really there. After all, we were just friends. Right?...

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