The Amnesiac

A Dichotomous Personality

You stir slowly, drifting between dreams and consciousness. The world feels soft and distant as the edges of reality unfold around you. You breathe in, and the air feels cool and steady as it guides you back to the present.

Your head is on a pillow and a blanket is loosely draped over you. The ceiling is too far away, and a slow turn of your head reveals that you're on the carpeted floor.

"Rachel..." You choke out, entering a coughing fit immediately afterward.

The thought triggers something within you. The darkness of the trauma in your mind bubbles and tenses. It's familiar to what you'd been used to feeling, but it's lighter now. It feels ready. Ready to be brought to light and finally unraveled.

You're a mess right now. Thoughts of the tumor flicker in and out. You almost think you remember typing that final entry, but it's probably a hallucination.

Memories with Rae pop up, both good and bad. The other women you love each have moments in your mental spotlight, but Rachel is nowhere to be seen.

You stand up against your will to slip back into blissful sleep. Something within you demands it.

Voices arrive from all directions. It's tough to tell if they're real.

You step outside, leaving the bedroom door ajar. You clutch the railing of the staircase as you descend, groaning quietly as you force yourself to drop onto each following step.

You sink down to your knees for the final few steps and finally collapse on the bottom one.

"Hey! Are you okay?!"

Imane rushes to your side. She takes one of your arms and wraps it around her shoulders for support. Sydney quickly comes to your other side and does the same, and the two of them walk you to the couch.

In your daze, you glance at the figures sitting and standing around your living room.

Jaime and Emiru are sharing the couch that Imane and Sydney are bringing you toward. Emi's right hand rests on Jaime's bare upper thigh, and Jaime glances at it.

Aria and Leslie are on the opposite couch, legs intertwined casually as they speak. Next to them, Miyoung and Tina are conversing, their backs facing the rest of the girls as they whisper to each other. Miyoung's cheeks are red, and Tina's shade isn't far off.

Brooke, Jodi, and Janet are sitting in a circle on the floor, cross-legged. Light smiles adorn each of their faces as they talk.

Celine glances away and stands up as Imane nears her, curtly breaking off her conversation with Lily, who turns to you.

Finally, Hyoon is sitting on a wooden chair in the corner, twiddling her phone and bobbing her knee with overwhelming anxiety, as if a ticking time bomb is strapped to her chest.

Only one of your girlfriends is missing.

The last time everyone was here, it was because of my tumor. That fake fucking tumor...

You chuckle to yourself as the two girls set you down, earning a bewildered look from Aria and Leslie.

Lily runs over to you and cups your face, examining you closely.

"You look so tired," she pouts.

You put a hand up and gently swat her away.

"I'm fine. How long was I out?" You blurt. You can't begin to count the number of times you've asked that question over these past few months. "And where's Rae?"

"Out?" Jodi blinks. "You mean... sleeping?"

"I passed out," you clarify. "I woke up on the floor."

"What?!" Emi gasps. "Rae just said you were sleeping! She told us all to come here and wait for her."