SHADOWS OF DESIRE|JK FF| S2

CH-4: HATE THAT I MISS YOU

It's been two days since I saw the news about Jungkook's engagement to Mira, and the shock still hasn't fully worn off. I told myself, over and over, that I've built myself up. Stronger, bolder, untouchable. That no one—no one—would ever break me again. But here I am, fighting to keep those words alive in my head. Trying to believe them as if they'll protect me from the flood of emotions swirling inside me.

I exhale slowly, staring at the seat in front of me, feeling the subtle vibration of the plane as it slices through the clouds. There's only one hour left before we land in South Korea. Sixteen hours of flying, and I'm still wrestling with the mess inside my chest.

Jisoo is next to me, her arm resting casually on the armrest as she flips through a magazine. In the row behind us, Seulgi, Wendy, Nayeon, Soobin, and Tzuyu are all chatting quietly, but I can barely hear them over the noise in my head.

I've always been good at acting like I've got it all together. Strong. Independent. That's who I've become—who I needed to be. But now, sitting here, knowing what awaits me when we land, I wonder if I'm as unbreakable as I claim to be.

Mira and Jungkook. Together. 

It's a scene I never imagined I'd have to witness. Seeing them, holding hands, looking at each other the way Jungkook used to look at me... No. 

I can't let my mind go there. Y/N, stop.

I grip the armrest, my fingers digging into the leather as I take a deep breath, forcing myself to focus. I can't afford to be weak. Not now. Not after everything.

I'm here for work. That's the excuse I keep telling myself, the lie I cling to because it makes it easier. But deep down, I know that's not why I'm on this plane. I came back to Korea because I need closure. I need to face this. Face him. Even if it tears me apart in the process.

What if they're happy? The thought hits me like a punch in the gut. What if I walk into a room and see them together, Mira by his side, Jungkook smiling at her the same way he used to smile at me? God, that smile. The one that made everything in the world feel right. The one that made me fall for him, over and over again.

Stop thinking about it.

I run my hand through my hair and glance out the window, watching the clouds pass beneath us. I've already wasted too much energy on him. On the memories. On the what ifs. I left for a reason. I walked away because I couldn't bear it anymore.

But now I'm coming back. Coming back to face whatever comes next.

Jisoo shifts beside me, sensing the tension that I've been trying to hide. "You okay?" she asks softly, her eyes flicking toward me.

I force a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She doesn't push further, just nods and goes back to her magazine. Jisoo knows me well enough to understand when I need space. But I can feel her watching me from the corner of her eye, just in case I crack.

You've got this, I tell myself. You've faced worse. You're not that girl anymore.

But no matter how much I repeat it, the doubt lingers. Can I really handle seeing him again? Seeing her with him? The reality of it slams into me again, and I feel my stomach churn. I thought I was strong. I thought I could do this without feeling... like this.

One hour. Just one more hour until the plane lands, and everything becomes real again.

I exhale slowly, gripping the armrest tighter. Whatever happens, I'll face it. Even if it hurts more than I can bear.