Under Your Skin: Nick and Charlie fanfic

Feelings (Nick's Version)

On Monday morning, I leave at twenty past ten to walk to work. Yesterday morning, I had woken up feeling very confused about what had happened with Charlie. I still don't know how I feel about it, I loved every second of what happened, but I hate that we were drunk.

I hate that I can't remember every detail, it happened so quickly and some of it feels like a blur. I hate that my intoxicated state didn't allow for me to take in every moment, and I know it wouldn't have happened like that if I was sober.

When I arrive at the pub, I stop at the door before letting myself in. I'm on an opening shift with Charlie today, and I'm almost certain he'll already be there. I don't want things to now be awkward, I want to talk to him properly about how I feel but I can't do that here.

I unlock the door, and Charlie looks up at me from behind the bar. I instantly feel embarrassed about last night, I don't want that being the impression he has of me.

"Hi." He says, smiling.
"Erm, hi." I say awkwardly.

I go straight out to the back to hang my coat up. I feel so stupid for being anxious, we were intimate two nights ago and now I don't even know how to talk to him.

I join him behind the bar, he seems upset. I don't know what to say, and I can't bring myself to look at him. He storms out to the kitchen, I can't let this be the end before we've had the chance to start, so I go after him.

"Charlie..." I say from the doorway.

He completely ignores me, aggressively slicing up a lemon. Now I'm really panicking, he's obviously hurt and I know there's only one way to fix it.

"Charlie, please don't be upset. I want to explain myself, but not here." I say softly, approaching him slowly.
"I'm not upset." He says bluntly.
"Char..." I say gently, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He moves away from me, so I let my hand drop to my side. I'm going to have to do my best to try and explain how I'm feeling now, and just hope that he listens.

"Okay, I'll talk... I don't really know what to say right now, but I'll try." I say quietly.
"You don't have to, it's perfectly obvious you regret it." He says flatly.
"I don't regret it, I just don't know how to feel about it. We were drunk and went to far. Sober, I know I wouldn't have felt comfortable with what we did. It was amazing, but it was a lot... This is all so new to me, and I hate that my first time experiencing something like that was a drunken fumble in a storage cupboard..."

He looks angry, I'm just making this worse.
"That sounded bad... I didn't mean it like that... I don't want you think I regret it... It was just..."
"Fuck!" He suddenly shouts, holding his finger tight.
"Did you cut yourself?" I ask, concerned for him.
"It's fine." He mutters, but he seems to be bleeding quite heavily.
"Come here." I say softly, getting some tissues and reaching out for his hand.
"I said it's fine." He says bluntly, moving his hand away.
"Charlie, let me look after you." I say firmly, but keeping my tone gentle.

He looks at me, and his expression softens. He's very pale, his eyes slightly unfocused. I did some first aid training for another job, I've also helped with a lot of injuries on the rugby pitch, so I know these are signs he's going into shock.

"Okay." He whispers.
"You've gone really pale, you need to sit down." I say, and without thinking I pick him up and lift him onto the kitchen work bench.
"You're very strong." He giggles.
"Stop trying to flirt when I'm looking after you." I chuckle softly.

I take his hand, gently pull his other hand away and wrap the tissue around his finger. I then raise his hand a little, applying pressure to try and slow the bleeding. I've got his blood on my fingers, but I don't care, the only thing I care about is making sure Charlie's okay.