reflection *ೃ༄ mark lee

ೃ༄ 3

sowon was really out of her element right now. she stood in the middle of the practice room, surrounded by the other members of nct dream. the atmosphere was absolutely electric, the music was thumping through the speakers and the other boys were dancing with a fluidity that made her heart race.

she had always admired the way mark danced. he had always moved so effortlessly that made his passion shine through. with her trying to replicate that, it just looked stupid. the choreography for the upcoming comeback was intricate, and she was struggling to keep up.

as the instructor called for a break, sowon wiped the sweat from her face with her arm. frustration was now boiling inside of her, feeling the pressure of expectation pressing down on her chest.

as selfish as it seemed, when she wished she was someone else, she did not mean this. she went from a tough life mentally to an even tougher one physically. she was unsure if she wanted to switch back into her own body, but if she does, she would consider not complaining about how tough her life is anymore.

"mark, are you feeling alright?" renjun had made his way over to sowon as she sat on the floor. her stomach did a flip. even though she was mark on the outside, on the inside, she was still sowon and sowon was a huge fan of them.

she looked up at him, his concerned expression breathing through all her pent up emotions. she forced a smile, through it felt strained. "i'm good." she replied, lacking any sort of conviction. she really hoped renjun would take that as an answer and walk away, but of course he didn't.

"come on, it's just dance practice." renjun said, taking a seat next to her. her breath hitched for a second. "you've got this. you had it once, you'll get it again. take a deep breath."

she nodded, trying to steady her racing heart. "i just... i don't know how i lost it so fast?" she obviously knew why she lost it, but renjun didn't need to know that right now. he chucked softly beside her, sowon didn't bother to look at him.

"trust me, we all have our off days. you have worked so hard to get where you are. it's not just talent; it's also practice and persistence." sowon glanced around the room at the other members, who were now stretching and chatting. they all seemed so confident, so in sync with the music. sowon knew that she could get it sometime, but when she did the comeback would probably be way over. she was going to have to overwork mark's body and that made her feel sick.

"you know, you're doing way better than you think." renjun encouraged. the lurking feeling of doom hadn't washed over her yet. it usually would have by now, but it hasn't. she found the weird, but nothing to worry about so she pushed it off.

"what if i look silly?" maybe she was trying too hard to imitate mark. if she would bring some sort of her own interpretation to the dance it would feel more fluid.

"who cares?" he said, grinning. sowon took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before nodding.

when practice resumed, she stood up with a newfound determination. as the music started again, she let herself feel the rhythm. she focused on the steps, but more so the emotion behind each movement. she was still going to have to work on it, a lot, but renjun had really eased her mind.

after the long training day, the dream boys decided to go back to the dorms to unwind. as they stepped out of the practice room, the air was filled with laughter and chatter, their fatigue momentarily forgotten.

"who's up for some food?" jisung asked, stretching his arms above his head. a chorus of 'me's' filled the hallway.

"we should order in." haechan chimed in, pulling out his phone. "i'm literally starving."

as they walked back to the dorm, the group fell into conversation. sowon overheard chenle and jisung having a light-hearted debate about which video game they were gonna play later, while jeno teased them for being too competitive with each other.

sowon felt sort of out of place with them, but of course they didn't notice. they probably thought mark was just acting off tonight and she wanted to keep it that way for now.

once they reached the dorm, jaemin and jeno immediately started to make a bowl of ramen for the group. the atmosphere buzzed with energy as everyone started to pitch in to complete the task.

as the group settled down to enjoy their ramen, sowon felt a wave of uncertainty wash over her. the energy in the room was infectious, she loved how the dream boys interacted with one another, their relationship definitely translated well into the videos that are put out about them, but she found herself feeling a bit overwhelmed. the chatter reminded her of how lonely she really was.

"um, i'll be right back." she said abruptly, standing up before anyone could really react. the room quieted to a silence, all eyes were now on her.

"where are you going?" chenle asked, surprise evident on his face.

"i just need some air." sowon replied, giving a half-hearted smiled before slipping out of the room. she found herself aimlessly walking around, not because she wanted to, but because she was struggling to remember where mark's dorm room was.

once she made it, the quiet enveloped her. she leaned against the door, taking a moment to collect her thoughts.

back in the living room, the dream members exchanged looks amongst themselves.

"do you think he's okay?" jaemin asked, concern in his voice.

"yeah, he'll be fine. he just needs a moment to himself." jisung reassured, taking a bite of his food. chenle playfully hit his shoulder, earning a 'what-did-i-do?' look from jisung.

haechan leaned back on the couch, his expression exaggerated as he recounted the morning's events. "mark has been acting off all day today. i walk into his room to get him for breakfast, and there he is, staring into the mirror, grabbing his face and saying, 'i'm mark lee!'"

the room fell silent for a moment as the members processed haechan's dramatic reenactment.

"yeah, sounds like a mental breakdown." renjun spoke, his brow furrowing in concern. a few heads nodded in agreement.

haechan shook his head vigorously. "no, no, it's definitely not like that. it's almost like mark is someone else."

"someone else?" jeno echoed, intrigued.

"yeah, like, he was acting so different." haechan explained, leaning in closer now. "he was super serious, but also kind of...lost? he couldn't get the dance down today and i know for a fact he had it two days ago."

"so, you're saying mark is...possessed?" jisung frowned.

"no, not possessed." haechan laughed, rolling his eyes. "but maybe he's just really stressed? something might be bothering him that he's not sharing with us?"

"or he could be feeling overwhelmed with everything going on? with tour just wrapping up and another mini album on the horizon, he could have a lot on his mind." chenle added thoughtfully.

"true," jaemin replied. "but it's not like him to shut everyone out. he usually loves being around us." the group fell into a contemplative silence.

"maybe we should go check on him," jeno stood up. "just to make sure he's okay?"

"if he wanted a minute away from us, let him be, he'll come back when he's ready." jaemin added, pulling jeno back down.

it would be a while before sowon returned to the group, and by then, the ramen had gone cold.