16 Years Ago.(KIMCHAY) | [On Hold]

Life Update

Hey everyone.
I know all of y'all are wondering why I haven't updated in a long time. So let me tell y'all everything.

Alot has happened. ALOTTTTT.

To begin with obviously as I said I started college. I was very excited to start college in a different city away from everything I knew all my life.

However once I started my college things changed alot. So I started talking to a guy from my college on Instagram even before the college began. It was just a very casual talk. But once we met in college we became very close. He confessed he liked me and then we went on a couple of dates and this and that and in the end we started dating.

A month later I started feeling like he wasn't putting in any efforts so I told him this we had an argument and then the next day he broke up with me.

I genuinely begged him not to. I lost my fucking self respect in front of him. I don't know how to explain how I felt after the breakup but it was bad. It was my first ever actual relationship and this one dude he changed my perspective of love completely.

It was like one day he loved me and the next he didn't. Like how can that even happen when just two weeks ago he told me that he would never leave me.

So for the entire October I cried almost every day. I experienced the worst kind of anxiety everyday.

Worst part? I see him every fucking day in college. Every time I see him it triggers something in me and it makes me feel so fucking anxious.

I used to feel so lonely in college even if I was surrounded by multiple people.

Not just that after the whole breakup I've even had a hard time talking with people. Like fucking hell man? I was literally such an extrovert person and now its hard for me to even make conversations with others.

To be honest college just feels so damn exhausting to me sometimes. But I keep on reminding myself that my parents have sent me to this college for a reason. I have my own goals and dreams that I need to achieve. I can't let a guy come in between my fucking dreams.

Also the good things is I'm way better than before now. Like I've talked with my friends, my mom, my brother and yeah my mind is gradually clearing up. I'm way better now. I'm not crying every single day now.

The only thing that keeps on going in my mind is my academics. And I think thats all I wanna do now.

I don't feel like dating anyone anymore until I'm completely confident in myself and my career.

This whole experience was pretty rough for me but obviously I've learnt alot from this. It was like a life lesson for me. It taught me alot about myself and it has given me a clearer vision about myself.

And yeah in the end after ranting all of this to y'all I just wanna say to all the young girls reading this before getting in a relationship with any guy make sure you know the guy for at least 6-7 months. Never ever rush to get into relationships.

Yeah I think thats all I wanted to rant. I want some time from you guys. I know I've already taken alot of time but I just want to focus on myself currently. Cuz I've spent almost 2 months on some random dude who couldn't give two shits about me.

I want to improve my academics, my mental state, wanna get more confident in my looks, my body, my attitude, everything. And then I'll comeback here.

Till then I'll be putting this book on hold.

I'm really sorry for doing this but I think I really need to do this for myself now.

Also I know alot of y'all might think I'm being too dramatic for a relationship which was just 2 months long. Which might be true but yeah its hurting me alot so I think my feelings matter?