𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙰𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 || Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter Twelve

Entity was just sitting on the grass, close to the Avengers tower.

It's been a while since she's seen the nature. Sure, she saw it while she was with Hydra, but she does not remember. It was all a blur to her. Now she can finally make memories about it, she can finally remember just how beautiful the world is.

She was sitting on the grass, with her legs crossed, a blade of grass in her hands as she was playing with it. She could hear a footstep making it's way towards her, but she doesn't move. She does not care enough to move. If it is danger then so be it, she is busy with nature.

"What's in your mind?" Bucky asked as he sat down next to her, with his legs pulled up to his chest, his hands resting on his knees.

"Why's everyone so kind to me here?" she asked, not looking at him.

"Do you want us to be mean to you?" he asked her.

"No" she answered. "But I wouldn't be this kind to me."

"Why?" Bucky asked. "We have no reason to."

"But you have no reason to be kind to me either" she answered. "I hurt people. I can't remember anything about myself, but I'm starting to remember their screams. I want it to stop, but I can still hear it. And yet everyone is so kind and trusting, they tell me so many things of their pasts that I know I wouldn't tell me if I were them."

"We tell you this, because it's not everyday a 400 year old girl needs our help" Bucky told her. "They don't really open up easily, but they see something in you that you don't. You need help, they want to help you. I want to help you too. I don't usually help people, but you are the same way as I was when I got here. I know things would've been easier if I had someone who understood all of my pain."

"I appreciate it, I really do" she started. "But no matter how much you help, I don't feel like me. I feel lost, and it feels like I'm still in prison. At some point I am, the human mind is the worst prison to ever exist. But in my mind there's nothing, they deleted everything."

"You just got out of brainwash" Bucky started. "It's not as easy to continue things from now."

"Did you also feel like you're still not in control?" she asked as she finally looked at Bucky. "As if... you still aren't allowed to think for yourself even tho that's all you can actually do?"

"Everyday" he answered simply. "You were hurt. You gotta understand that things won't be as easy as you want them to be. If you want to heal, you have to be patient and understand that it takes time."

"You should take your own advice" she said as she looked down at the blade of grass that was between her fingers. "I might not know many stuff yet, but I can see in your eyes that you want to hear the same words you are telling me. You are trying to heal while helping me, but for that you have to listen to yourself first."

"Am I that easy to read?" he asked her.

"No" she shrugged. "That's something they made me learn back then. It's so I could notice slip ups that could help me kill them. Now it's a reflex."

"Do you remember something more?" Bucky changed the subject. "Maybe about your life back there that could help us take down Hydra.

"You can't" she answered. "Cut down one head, two more will grow. Take down one hydra, another will be formed. It's a never ending cycle."

"Then how about you tell me stuff you remember" Bucky suggested. "Just simply hoping you'll remember more."

"I remember one young boy" she started. "I don't see his face, no matter how much I'm trying. I can't hear his voice, even tho I'm not deaf. I don't remember what happened, but I remember that it was the first and last time I broke out of mind control."

"Maybe if we find that boy you will remember more" Bucky said.

"No, I don't even know how old he is now" she shrugged. "But beside him, I do remember hearing about you a few times. Just barely, but I can make out words, like brainwashing and Winter Soldier. I never knew who you were until now, but I remember I wished that they would treat you different than they did to me."

"Do you remember how they treated you?"

"The more I stay out of that sticky goo the more I remember" Entity said as she looked up, infront of herself, while squinting her eyes, since the Sun was shining in her eyes.

"Maybe you will get your memory back soon then" Bucky suggested. "Because you won't go back there."

"The problem is that the pain is the only memory I gain back" she answered. "Both the pain I received and the pain I gave. It makes me just feel more unwhorty of staying here."

"I understand that" he started. "I used to hate how Steve saved me. I did all of those things to others, and yet he ignores it and tries to save me. I might have been under control, but I still did it. I don't trust my mind at all, but he does. He saw something in me that I didn't, and now I see the same thing in you that you don't."

"What's that?" Entity looked at Bucky.

"Hope" he answered as he looked back at her, staring deeply into her e/c eyes. "I never realised how much I wanted to live and how much I wanted others to believe in me when I didn't believe in myself. But I see that you also have that hope, even tho you do not think that."

"Because I don't think I deserve second chance" she said quietly, her eyes not leaving Bucky's. "I don't belong here, I was supposed to be dead centuries ago."

"There is an avenger who you didn't see yet" Bucky started. "He's from a different planet, but he's here now. Both him and another young avenger is here. You do not see your reason to be here, I am not good in pep talks, but they sure as hell will help you with feeling more at home. They have a heart like that. Maybe you should meet them."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You'll see" Bucky said as he got up and offered a hand to Entity to help her up from the ground.

~ luvmochii_