Xingqiu's Diary

November 6th

This morning I awoke with a shiver. The temperature has become decidedly more brisk, thus I have taken to enveloping myself in sumptuous blankets while savoring the warm coffee meticulously brewed by the servants. As far as I know, no one has discovered my diary, and I doubt my brother cares to read it.

Recently, I spoke to that guard and I found out more things about him. The entire time we chatted, he seemed very fidgety. I deemed it to be quite cute. Throughout our conversation, his cheeks retained a delightful rosy hue. I came to know his complete name, birth date, and cherished pastimes. I uncovered that he is not merely a guard and an aspiring knight but also an exorcist. What a demanding agenda he must uphold! One cannot help but pity him, for he likely enjoys little leisure amidst such undertakings. I plan to meet up again with Chongyun later today with a gift for him. The servants have prepared pastries earlier, and I plan to share a few with him. My personal favorite type is petit fours. I truly hope Chongyun relishes them as much as I do. I should get going now. I've already dressed in my informal attire and have arranged to meet him in the castle garden while I have the chance.

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I have returned from mingling with the guard, almost losing track of time. He was delighted with the treats and looked absolutely adorable as he consumed them. I could tell he was being careful with how he ate, not wanting to appear rude, though I wouldn't mind if he eased up a bit. Even though I'm a prince, I don't want people to try to impress me.

I have never felt so fond of another person before. His eyes sparkle like deep blue crystals, his hair like a pale sky. His demeanor is icy, but I can see that his heart is of the clearest, purest lake. He's soft-spoken, yet charming. As we stood beside the garden fountain in the bowers, I noticed an unsightly scar that spread across his hand. I took his hand into mine and asked him of the scar's origin. He told me it was one of many scars he had acquired as a result of long, respectable training. Even through my gloves, I could feel the warmth radiating from his hands. They were rough, a much different texture than my own. We locked eyes for a moment. His gaze was so enchanting that I could've stared into them forever. Oh, I'm getting a bit carried away. To put it simply, Chongyun is a wonderful man. I have copious time that I will undoubtedly spare with him in the future.

I have only just realized how little I have eaten, my breakfast only being those pastries and my lunch absent. Although my appetite is unpresent, I would be scolded if anyone were to find out about my lack of food today, so I may eat something later just to satisfy them.

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My parents have called a tailor over to the castle to make us clothes better suited for the chilly weather. I'll admit it was not comfortable to have a tape measure wrapped around me multiple times, but it would've been impolite if I were to whine. As they sewed, I lounged in the library, scouring for a book I hadn't already read. I've pretty much cleared the whole library except for the romance section. Although I will read books from any genre, I find romance novels rather repetitive. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, girl quits dream job to marry boy, then they get divorced three months later. Aside from the overused plot, I don't find them particularly relatable. My parents have been nagging me to find a lady to take as my princess, but none of them pique my interest. They're more worried about continuing the bloodline rather than what I'm comfortable with. I honestly have never felt captivated by a woman and would prefer to perish over sleeping with one.

On one occasion, my parents discovered that one of the guards was engaged in an illicit liaison with another gentleman, resulting in his swift condemnation to the guillotine. This event instills a profound apprehension within me regarding the repercussions should they uncover the truth of my affections not lying with women. What fate awaits me? Particularly in light of my royal status. Surely, they would not execute their own progeny? Yet, with them, uncertainty prevails. Oh, but that guard, I'm definitely falling for him. Everything about him is just so perfect. It pains me to know I will never get to be with him, despite the fact that my heart yearns for him. Ever since our first encounter, I can't stop thinking about him. His face is so beautiful, with his pale luscious lashes, his rosy cheeks, his pink lips... I wonder if he feels the same way about me.

Ultimately, I partook in a repast. I requested crepes from a servant, which were promptly prepared to my satisfaction. As I dined in solitude, accompanied by a glass of cider, I reflected upon the day's occurrences, particularly my morning with Chongyun. I yearn for the opportunity to grasp his hands once more, for his striking visage is indelibly etched in my memory.

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My head is currently pounding. I'm not sure what the cause of my headache is, but I'll try to sleep it out in a while. The tailor has completed my new garments, each exquisitely embellished with lace and beads. Among them lies my favorite out of them, a lengthy, dark cotton coat, intended for warmth, yet I shall likely don it alongside shorts regardless. I hope the handsome guard appreciates my legs, even if he doesn't say it. That pretty guard who I'm so hopelessly enamored with... Before we parted ways, I requested that he bring some of his drawings the next time we meet up.