Xingqiu's Diary

December 14th

For the remaining portion of the night, which I had left off in this diary, I reclined in the garden alongside Chongyun. He informed me that he quite liked the kiss on the hand, though he mumbled as he admitted it. He even allowed me to kiss him more, elsewhere on his body. This revelation pleased me, and I cupped his face instantly, planting a gentle kiss upon his flushed cheek. That only further reddened his face. After several more pecks to the cheeks, I felt more daring, and my lips trailed down the side of his face down to his neck. He squirmed some and I paused to gauge his expression. He whispered to me that he did not mind, but still felt rather embarrassed. I tried my best to comfort him with words, and he smiled at me. I resumed my osculating down his neck, slightly tugging downwards at his blouse collar for further access.

He positioned his hand upon the nape of my neck, and I could perceive the weight of his breath. I ceased my kisses and gazed upward into his eyes, raising a hand to tenderly caress his cheek. I murmured sweet nothings as he regarded me intently, never once diverting his gaze, unlike previous encounters. An urge to proclaim my love welled within me, yet I hesitated, wary that it might be premature. With his hand still cradling the back of my head, he gently urged me closer while leaning in himself. I was momentarily taken aback by his initiative, yet I welcomed it wholeheartedly. I must confess, he was my first kiss, having never witnessed such an act before him. My experience was solely derived from the pages of novels, leaving me apprehensive and anxious about my performance. Upon closing my eyes, I felt his warm lips meet mine; it was nothing short of perfection. Overcome with emotion, I briefly opened my eyes before surrendering them once more, desperate for the moment to linger.

Our embraces were not merely a fleeting occurrence. In fact, every night since I last wrote, I sneaked out of the castle to luxuriate with my darling knight where we would exchange kisses until sunrise, and I do not devise to cease these instances in the imminent future.

Many evenings past, he surreptitiously gathered a bouquet of blossoms, fashioning a serene crown of flowers. He beckoned me to close my eyes, and I braced myself for a kiss, akin to our delightful exchanges earlier that evening. However, I was soon met with the delicate placement of a floral diadem on my head. Gazing into the fountain's reflective waters, I could not suppress a smile. With an endearing quip, he declared that "his prince required a crown", prompting me to pull him closer for yet another kiss. Every fleeting moment spent in his company imbues me with the sensation of residing within a fairytale realm. One might indeed venture to suggest that we are, at this juncture, in the throes of courtship.

It is also worth noting that he expressed his admiration for the pendant and promptly requested my assistance in sporting it. Furthermore, my beloved confided in me his long-held desire to wear a gown and, once more, presented his sketchbook, unveiling stupendous illustrations of the most resplendent attire I have ever beheld. I daresay they would all be most alluring upon him. The sole dress-like garment I am allowed to wear is my nightgown, for which my parents have remained somewhat dubious about permitting, yet I successfully persuaded them to acquiesce, assuring them I would only be clad in it for slumber. I am in utter awe with its ethereal silhouette; the lace and ribbons align perfectly with my sartorial sensibilities.

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There is an upcoming winter ball taking place this month. My parents have prearranged for a lady of their choosing to grace my side for the soiree. In years gone by, they have orchestrated analogous arrangements, each occasion proving to be a veritable nightmare for me. However, this year shall unfold differently. I intend to covertly escort Chongyun to the ball, ensuring we remain secluded from the throngs. Oh, goodness me, I must not presume his acquiescence; he may well have other commitments, given that the ball coincides with a holiday. Should it eventuate that he is unable to attend, I shall try and seek refuge from my parents and the household staff's discerning eyes.

Chongyun and I have already agreed that we were completely comfortable with each other. It is with a measure of astonishment that I admit to having engaged in gestures toward him that I could scarcely have envisioned with anyone else. I will not elaborate on that yet. The nights are only getting colder, and I have asked Chongyun that he come to my room instead of the garden tonight. Not only will we have privacy, but also warmth, so it will be a more comfortable place for our intimate bonding time. His physique is bewitching, and when he let me see it bare, I couldn't tear my eyes away. From his graceful contours to the faintest blemishes, he embodies perfection, as though his form were carefully crafted by a diviner, though I am skeptical of such notions. Nevertheless, he remains undeniably beautiful. My parents would surely disown me if they knew I was having an affair with another man.

I have already met the woman my parents want me to take to the ball, and she seems as snobbish as the ones they have tried to set me up with in the past. My parents told me that I am out of chances to find a spouse and must also wed this lady in the next year. Should I be unable to extricate myself from this predestined union, I fear I shall be irrevocably ensnared. Moreover, as already mentioned, I possess not the slightest inclination towards ladies, nor could I ever dream of betraying my beloved Chongyun. With him, I have discovered the profound essence of love. I cherish Chongyun, particularly the warmth of his embrace as we find solace in one another, fully unadorned. The way his lips feel on mine as our tongues intertwine. The unique texture of his skin, littered with scars. I'm a lucky man to be able to touch him so intimately, to touch him in places I've only explored on my own body. Oh, the way his