NOTED.

When?

* Trigger warning:
Abusive Mom, talks of starvation*

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Five days.
My life went on for five days.
I'm running low on money. I'm struggling to keep up with my studies since I took up the chance to babysit for this couple in my neighborhood. They work long hours, and their kid is kinda clingy but she's cute and sweet. They pay decent. I can get simple meals at the local grocery store. Groceries? My mom's never heard of them. Coming home? My Dad hasn't heard of that. He's been gone a month when he was only suppose to for a week. When he's away my mom gets sad. She falls into a routine. The one she would use when I was younger. Except now I know how to avoid her yelling. The class election is coming up. Jess is happy. I'm glad. Me and Ivan have been getting along. I remember when he asked me to help him with his speech. That guy is something else. Maybe he has stage fright? I don't know but he's cool to be around. I avoid him outside of school. I walk the long way to avoid the pet store. He's to observant. To smart. He told me the other day I was to skinny. I know he was joking. I mean since when would I care what he thinks. I'm babysitting again of course. I just put the girl to bed so maybe I can study. Calm myself. I get thirty minutes in until she wakes up.
I put her back to sleep. 10 minutes. She wakes up.
I put her back to sleep. She wakes up. 10 minutes. I put her back to sleep. Her parents come home. I'm glad. She has parents to soothe her to sleep. To comfort her when she has a bad dream. Having anyone at all while they work is a blessing. I told the mother Ms.Cherry, it's cute isn't. Her name sounds almost fake. But I like it. Ms.Cherry is very nice she's dating this guy she met a couple months ago, he's great to Lily. That's the girls name. Lily. Ms.Cherry, I told her about my election and how Jess got invited to exhibit her art at this place for beginners, even though her art is way better than that.  "Welcome home." I say smiling at them. I cleaned the house while they were gone per usual.

"I told you, you don't have to do that." Ms.Cherry speaks tired, but I can tell she's thankful. She has a loving voice, and nice hair. Shes well groomed to say the least. And she cares. About not only herself but others. Life. Any living thing around her. I've talked to her more than I've spoke to my own mother over these few days. Her boyfriend goes up states to see Lily. "I've actually got you something on my way here." She pulls out a box and I tilt my head a bit and start to open it. I pull out a beautiful, flowy, shine like a pearl dress. It's short but flowy modest. A bit above the knees. I thank her. She smiles and ask me to try it on. I return in the dress and I've never felt more insecure. My ribs are too wide. My legs too skinny. My head looks big. My shoulders seem uneven. My hairs greasy. Anyone would look better in this. Maybe I should give it to Jess. She beautiful. With radiant skin. Long healthy hair. Curvy yet skinny. She doesn't even try. I walk out with a fake smile. "You look great." She messes with the dress a bit. Of course it doesn't look right. It's on me. She says I can wear it to the exhibit. I thank her about a a million times before I finally leave. I don't bother to change since my clothes are dirty and my mom used the rest of the cleaning stuff. You know the detergent. I might be able to find a laundromat. I'll do that tomorrow. Sunday. That should be a good day.

My walk isn't far. I reach my house pretty quickly. My mom's in the kitchen. Oh. She doesn't seem to have taken any pills. Ok. I try to sneak past her as she's in the there.

"Nessa, where the hell is all the food." I freeze and I slowly walk back down.

"There's nothing in there?" I ask even though I know. Even though I've known there's absolutely nothing but five ketchup packets. One slice of cheese. And crumbs. Kinda funny when you think about it. I thought that only happened in movies. Guess my life's a movie. A tragic realistic one. Not a happy supernatural one, where I can disappear. Or where I can close the fridge say a few words then it magically becomes full. She slams downs her hand.

"You know there's no food you greedy pig." I stand there. There's nothing I can say. There's nothing I can do. "I work all day, All you do is go to school and eat all my food. I leave alone for what two days and you clear my fridge. Your selfish. Your the reason your dads hasn't come back. He can't handle dealing with you." She scoffs and looks at me actually this time. "You've gain some weight huh. This is why you have no friends. No boyfriend. I should just sell you off, but they'll never want you." She stops and her eyes widen "Where's that dress from. Is that where all the spare money I hide went. So you can have this expensive looking dress. What about me huh. What about your dear mommy." She increasingly gets angrier. "Where did you get it?" She yells. I flinch

"It was a gift." I'm usually so loud but my voice has never been so little. She stomps toward me and rips pieces of it.

"You are nothing, without me putting a roof over your head." She takes a breath the drugs obviously making her tired. I don't know what she's taking, but I stopped caring a long time ago. Her hands come to her face she whispers exhausted. "Get out." She's lying. She has to be lying. "GET OUT!" I run out. I don't even close the door. I ran and kept going, until my weak skinny legs gave out and I fell totally the curb. That's when I realized the rain coming down. Of course. I hate the rain. I let my dress get wet. I let myself just sit there. I don't wanna think about what I have to do after this, I just wanna sit. Maybe think. I do that pretty well. I take a breath in then out. I feel the tears that blend in with the rains on my face. One more salty than the other. Then it all stops. Rain I mean. The rain stops. The tears dry. My thoughts of what I did wrong to lead me here halting and storing themselves for the winter. I look up. Squinting cause my eyes hurt, and there a streetlight right above me, as if I'm asking for attention.

"Ivan?"

"Bora. Get up."

"What? Since when did you care?"

"Since I had to see this in my way back home." I crack a small smile. He looks weirded out. "Stop that you're not making this any easier."