NEFARIOUS; AN UNLAWFUL DEVOTION

12◽

◽ FREEDOM ◽

◽ MARIAN'S POV ◽

The aftermath of childbirth had left me in pieces. The tears and stitches, although the baby fat disappeared almost immediately, I still had the stretch marks on my hips to remind me of the dumb decision I had made on impulse.

The pain I had to withstand-Mrs. Herbert was my lifeline, taking on a role that felt more like a mother than my own ever could now. I often woke up in a haze of grief, knowing my mother had gone through something similar, yet I'd never been able to repay her. And now, I never could.

The memory of their deaths lingers and everywhere I turned, the image was there. My mind replays the moment I found them, lifeless, bloody. I was too consumed by guilt to examine their bodies closely. Too overwhelmed by the sight. I just kept wishing and hoping that they had passed peacefully, everyday, like clockwork, as if I could go back to that day, I keep hoping and praying they hadn't been tortured

I shake the thought away, but it claws back, persistent.

Being kidnapped made me understand the true nature of these people-they weren't human. I'd seen Marco's victims, the way they'd crawl out of his dungeons, looking like they'd been mauled by wild animals. I had always been just a spectator, the bystander who never acted, never intervened. Marco enjoyed making me fear him. He once killed a man in front of me, as if ending a life was a casual pastime.

How could I have interfered, I was merely a slightly favoured victim too

Now I couldn't stop thinking about my parents-how I had promised them the world. How I had failed.

School starts next week. It should feel like a milestone, but it's just another burden. My time with the baby has been limited to breastfeeding, and even that was starting to feel too personal. I tried to keep my distance, to avoid any emotional attachment. But every time he cried, my heart twisted, pulling me closer to a dangerous edge I can't afford to fall from.

And Marco-he was still reluctant to let me go to school because I had been kidnapped right under his nose. And I for one can not justify that action, It's not that he cares. It's control. He says it's for my protection, but I know better. Assigning BJ as my permanent bodyguard? Another power move, claiming it was too dangerous to be out alone.

Has he forgotten how I got here in the first place? He somehow kept forgetting that they had abducted me first.

I wasn't supposed to be in this world. Mafia life was something I only knew from stories, from Angel's non-stop rants about romanticized criminals. But my life became one of those stories I've always found stupid

Then I somehow began to like Marco, I wondered how that came to be,

It was funny how the first thought after I found out I actually harboured some feelings toward him was that I could change him.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

How have I become the same type of characters I detested in books, I was beginning to suspect my self of some slight mental illness.

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Mathilda, my seemingly innocent sister turned out to be one of the mafia's top marksmen. BJ spilled that truth casually, like it wasn't earth-shattering, like it didn't change my view of the world. It still doesn't make sense, none of it does. Not Matilda's secret life. Not my kidnapping in her place. And certainly not my decision to carry Marco's child.

It all felt like my innocence was snatched from me so suddenly.

The worst part? It all feels like a twisted drama I can't escape from. I hated every moment of it, but I can't look away. Marco seemed more distant now, as if waiting for me to break so he can punish me for something-anything. I'm not pregnant anymore, so nothing's keeping him from ending my life.