Sinister Desires

Chapter 2(part2)

Katya

~

The sky seemed to have already softened into a pale grey, signalling the approach of dawn. Damn, has it been that long? It feels like we barely started talking. I glance behind us while adjusting myself better against the metal rail that's no longer ice-cold, thanks to me leaning over it for so long. There are a few empty cans and snack wrappers strewn around us, some blown over by the wind in the middle of the road. I'm bad at maintaining eye contact and keeping glancing between random trash along the road and the faint movements of the trees and bushes hit by the soft yet cold night breeze.

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any easier. There was still that knot in my stomach whenever I thought about being the centre of attention, or even just... visible. I hate being perceived. I preferred doing my thing in the safe cover of the cold nights, hiding in the shadows, always watching.

V:"So," he said, sitting up a little and glancing at me while dusting off his pants and stretching a little."If we're not doing what we came here for, what do you want to do instead?"

I blinked at him, realizing for the first time that we hadn't really talked about what we're gonna do since we were both here to end it. I wasn't sure how we'd gotten off track. Maybe I had distracted us with the whole conversation about fears. Maybe we were both avoiding it on purpose because deep down, we never wanted it to end like this. Perhaps all we wanted was to be heard, not feel so alone in this world and have at least someone, anyone, show that they care.

That they're gonna be there and listen, take off some of the burdens off our shoulders, and simply enjoy the company. All of us crave companionship; it's in our nature. I feel like every person with suicidal tendencies has these thoughts deep down. We all want to be noticed, cared for, or loved...perhaps.

E:"I don't know," I said in a monotone voice, still pondering. "What do you want to do?"

He shrugged, then reached into his bag, pulling out a pair of keys and dangling them around.
The metal keys clinked softly in the stillness of the night, sparkling a bit in the dull light of the barely functioning streetlamps around. I watched them swing back and forth as if hypnotized by their rhythm while Vlad was looking at me expectantly with a gentle smile. I hesitated to even ask, knowing where this was going, but what the hell, why not?

V:"Let's go for a drive. " he said, breaking the silence once more. His voice had an air of nonchalance, confidence even that almost felt forced. That's..weird. I shouldn't think about it too much. Maybe our talk made him feel better.

V:"We could drive around, grab some food if you'd like. I know I could go for some comfort right now."

I snort out a laugh and get up as well, grabbing my lighter before I lose this one too and proceed to just..follow this strange dude around to his car. Vlad mentions parking it by the highway, which thankfully isn't too far away from this blocked off part of the road.

There was something uneasy between us; like 2 nervous teenagers sneaking out at night without their parents finding out. We do get along quite well, but we are strangers after all, and this feels so surreal.

I could sense the tension lifting ever so slightly as we not-so-silently struggled to make our way around the gravel and all these fallen trees, occasionally laughing at each other's struggles, tripping over bricks or sticks, making dumb remarks a 13-year-old boy would find funny. It was like the weight of everything we shared, our deepest, darkest thoughts-was pressing down on our shoulders, driving us to this point was suddenly lifted, at least a little bit, enough for us to give it another go.