Despair

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As he walked out of her apartment he cursed himself mentally

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As he walked out of her apartment he cursed himself mentally. He had an amazing woman he felt a genuine connection with and he's throwing it all way because of fear. Albeit, his fears are very valid. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him. When he got in his car, he let out a huge sigh. He looked back at her house debating if he should go back in and take back everything he said. After all, when was the last time he felt this connected to someone? Usually if he hooked up with women, he had no connection with them. He actually preferred it that way. Even though it made him feel lonely, it was still better than what he was feeling right now. Knowing he felt a strong connection with someone and not being able to do anything about it.

When he got home, he headed straight to his bed and plopped down. He remembered how Brianna's face looked so confused and hurt. He hated being the one who did that to her. He wanted to be the one who made her smile and happy. He then laid on his side and cuddle up to his pillow. Wishing it was her body instead. He then thought about how her body felt so soft and warm early when she clung onto to him after the rollercoaster. God, how he wished he could be feeling her warmth right now. To be able to pull her skin tight to his body, to be able to softly rub her tummy and squeeze it. He wanted so desperately to just bury his face in the crook of her neck and breath in her scent.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. He stood up and started pacing around his room. Why was he burden with being the strongest! Why did he have to put off finding love! He has his own dreams too! No one cared though! They only cared what he could provide for them. The higher ups being the worst, they didn't care about any of the sorcerers. Even his own parents didn't love him. They only loved what his powers did for the Gojo clan.

Then his phone rang snapping him out of his thoughts. He grabbed it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was the higher ups with another mission for him. He starred at his phone for a bit, seething in anger. Rage filled his body as he watched his phone ring. He couldn't even properly cope without them bugging him. His hands started to form into fist, making his hands bleed from how tight he was gripping. In one quick motion, he punched his wall creating a very huge hole. He could then feel the tears start to stream down his face. He fell to his knees and leaned over with his hands clutching the floor. He cried for a bit, wishing his life was different.

After awhile, he got up and wiped his tears away. He cleaned up his hand and then left his house. When he got to the mission, he saw his students there. He sighed and quickly changed his demeanor. When he got out of the car he put on his usual smug smirk. "Ah Yuij, Megumi, and Nobara, nice to see you all."

Yuji looked up very exited, "Gojo sensei! You're here!"

Satoru smiled and walked up to yuji and ruffled his hair. He then nodded at the other two.

Megumi spoke next, "why do you smell like cologne?"

Satoru just smiled at him and ruffled his hair next. Which made megumi a little annoyed and he quickly fixed his hair.

Nobara then smirked, "ooh I get it, this mission interrupted a date, huh?!"

The two boys looked shocked and then looked at gojo for confirmation. Gojo just laughed and smiled at nobara politely. "Let's focus on the mission, not my personal life." He then asked them to break down what the situation was. After that, he had megumi cast a veil. He made sure to let the students take charge. He would step in here and there when it was necessary. He wanted them to learn and the only way for that was to let them do it on their own.

His early anger had subsided. Knowing this mission was to help his students become better sorcerers eased it. He truly did care for his students and would do anything to ensure their safety. This was one part of the job he didn't mind. He took a lot of pride in teaching them. He also made sure that no one would fall behind in strength. He didn't want any of them feeling lonely if one was stronger than the others. He didn't want any of them feeling the way he did. He hoped they would live meaningful lives and have very few regrets. He often felt like a proud father whenever he went on missions with them. He loved seeing how with each new mission they improved.

(A/N) writing dialogue is so hard for me. Idk what the fuck to make them say. 😭 That's why ill often keep the dialogue short. Im worried it wont sound genuine and just sound cringe.

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