My Sugarplum

Chapter 7

Days passed, and what started as random chats and shared moments with Kuku slowly became something I looked forward to. Instead of heading to the gym, we'd find ourselves talking for hours, drifting into conversations that I didn't realize I needed. There was something therapeutic about it. But deep down, I couldn't ignore the weight that still tugged at my heart. Bugs. She had been my first real love, the kind that left a mark too deep to simply erase. Maybe that's why it hurt so much—because I had believed she was different, special in a way I hadn't known before. Or maybe I just wanted her to be.

Talking to Kuku didn't make me forget Bugs, but it helped me find a way to start letting go, piece by piece. The pain began to dull, and for the first time in a while, I felt myself healing. It wasn't instant, though. There were days when I'd catch myself wondering, Is it really okay to move on? Is it fair to her, to us, if I still love her?

I was conflicted, torn between the memories of what Bugs and I had been, and the reality that she wasn't coming back. Not in the way I had hoped. She still texted me occasionally, but it felt hollow—like we were two people holding onto a connection that had already unraveled. I grew tired of waiting for replies that never came, of putting in effort that wasn't being matched. I stopped texting her altogether, stopped hoping for something that clearly wasn't going to change.

One evening, I sat alone, thoughts spinning in my head. "If she isn't with you now, and you still love her, let her go," I told myself. "If she comes back, then maybe she's yours. If not, she never was." It was a harsh reality, but one I had to accept. I had been holding onto the idea of us, not necessarily the reality of her. And maybe it was time to move forward—not because I didn't love her anymore, but because love isn't about waiting forever.

"You can hold on to a part of her and still move on," I reminded myself, "You don't have to give up completely to find new connections, new people." That's what Kuku had shown me, without even realizing it. There was more to life than being stuck in that one place, in that one heartbreak. Slowly, without even realizing it, I began to let go of the constant ache, the yearning, and started seeing beyond the loss.

But despite everything, a part of me still clung to the hope of Bugs. I wasn't the kind of guy who gave up easily. Even as I opened my heart to the idea of moving on, there was still a corner of it that waited. That's just who I was.

One day, Kuku invited me to join her for a BSE event. Without much thought, I said, "I'll come." I figured it would be a casual hangout with her usual group, but nothing could've prepared me for what happened next. By the time I reached the station, everyone else had already arrived. I stood there waiting for the others—Addy, her boyfriend Garry, his friend Sonu—and then, unexpectedly, I saw her. Bugs was with them.

The moment I laid eyes on her, everything inside me froze. My body went numb, my mind went blank. It was like the entire world went silent except for the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. She walked right past me, and I just stood there, paralyzed. It had been so long since we'd been this close, and yet, seeing her now made everything come rushing back. The memories, the love, the heartbreak—all of it.

As we headed outside the station, I finally managed to say something. "Hey, how are you?" My voice was steady, but inside I was falling apart.

"I'm fine, how are you?" she replied. It was a simple exchange, but in my head, all I could think was, Why do you care how I am? But instead, I forced a smile and said, "I'm fine as well." Except I wasn't fine. I hadn't been fine since the day she walked away from my life. Every day without her had been like grieving a loss I couldn't quite understand.

When we reached the auto stand, we decided to take a rickshaw instead of a cab. Garry sat in the front next to the driver, and Sonu climbed in. Then Addy slid into the middle, followed by me. But there wasn't enough space for everyone, so in that awkward moment, I did something instinctively. I reached for her waist, gently pulling her onto my lap. And there she was—Bugs, sitting on my lap like nothing had changed between us. My heart raced, and I couldn't help but think, What is this? Why is this happening now? We weren't in a relationship anymore, so why was she here, this close?