Shattered

Chapter 21 Kristin

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was hard being the girl that everyone presently despised. Kristin was cut off from her friends, alienated from her family and a prisoner in her own house. She didn't know what Bradley was doing home, but Phil, Mark, Brody, Tommy and Emma were all on the driveway. It was obvious they were all going out of town together. Kristin never saw this coming...them, hanging out together like they were all best friends. Brody was shooting icicles with his dark brown eyes through the window at her, his hatred burned bright. Was it all about the stupid video?

Kristin closed the drapes and flopped onto her bed. She wanted desperately to reach out to her best friend, Katy, the one person in the world that might still talk to her. She picked up the MacBook from the nightstand and opened iMessage. It was worth a shot. She texted, "Hey," to Katy and waited for a response. After ten minutes, she frowned and closed her laptop. Katy was a text addict, her phone always by her side. She would have responded by now if she wanted to.

Kristin walked down the hall to find Conner. All of the lights on the second floor were off. Conner's bedroom was dark, a sign that he had surely gone out for the night. She made her way down the small staircase off the playroom in the front of the house. Oddly, it was all dark. She passed the garage door, the dining room, the laundry room and stopped in the kitchen wondering where everyone was. Not even the light above the stove or kitchen sink was on.

Kristin filled a glass with ice water and walked towards the dark family room. She heard whimpering and turned around. Caroline was sitting in the screened in porch, crying. Kristin shook her head, not sure if it was a twinge of guilt she felt. Her mother was slouched back in the chair, a bottle of red wine and a pack of cigarettes on the table. She looked at Kristin, took a swig from the bottle and reached for the cigarettes.

"Mom," she was actually concerned, "what are you doing?"

"Smoking and drinking," Caroline said, waving her cigarette in the air.

"But...you don't smoke. I just thought you were kidding about dad buying you cigarettes."

"I smoked in college, until I met your father."

"You've been married for like twenty years."

Caroline smiled. "Lucky me, he's a good man. I told him what I needed and he went to the store. He told me I have a carton to work it out and then I'm cut off. I guess he knows it might take more than a night to figure this out. Did you know that people turn to substances when they're feeling really crappy?" She reached for a bottle of pills and washed one down with a sip of wine.

Kristin sat at the table next to her mother and picked up the prescription bottle. Xanax, a fast-acting anti-anxiety medicine. "Mom, I don't think you're supposed to take that while you're drinking."

Caroline crushed the lit end of the cigarette on the white ceramic kitchen plate from Pottery Barn and grabbed another. "I appreciate your concern, but I am struggling right now, as a mother. I've given the last seventeen years of my life to be the best mother I know how and I failed."

Kristin sighed, "You didn't fail, mom."

"Of course I did," Caroline grunted. "You beat up your sister in our house." It was never going to pass. Was forgiveness too much to ask for? "I gave your seventeen year old sister permission to run off with her boyfriend for a few days four hours away. And, I didn't even ask him what the address was. And, then, she came back and said his friends and Emma were going and she wanted to take Cassie with her. And, I still let her go! And, still didn't get an address!"

"If you ask her, I'm sure she'll text you the address."

"She's going to be doing god knows what with god knows who and I just said 'sure honey go ahead'. Oh, and let's not forget that two nights ago I was called to the hospital because someone tried to murder both my daughters!"

Caroline Whitfield was having an emotional breakdown and Kristin realized she was at the threshold of it all.

"Mom," her eyes started to water, "I'm sorry...for my part in it all."

Caroline sniffled and lit another cigarette. She slowly pushed the bottle of wine Kristin's way. "These boys that Bradley's with, do they drink?"

Kristin didn't want to cause more concern for her mother, but she didn't have it in her to lie either. "Yeah...no...well I'm pretty sure Mark doesn't drink. And, I know Bradley doesn't drink. And, really, I think it's mostly just Brody when he's around their other friends," she lied, trying to lessen the blow.

"What about you? Do you drink?" Kristin shook her head. "But, you must be feeling really crappy," her mom nodded at the bottle.

Kristin picked up the bottle and took a swig, only because she felt her mother wanted her to. The warm dry liquid filled her mouth and she coughed. She had messed up bad and her family was suffering because of her decisions. She was responsible for it all.