Finding Ryder

Chapter 17

3 days later...

The dull thump on the hard oak door beats in a steady rhythm. Its song accompanies the misery inside my body. My sex pulses to its beat, needing a touch of a male. Craving to be filled.

I chase relief, palm pressing on my pelvis. Searching lower, slickness of my body getting thicker. All I get is weak attempt to still the ache.

Climax after climax, over and over again. the emptiness inside me growing , the internal body temperature rising. The pain subsides slightly after during thr orgasm but it's a torture to get there.

I am a slave to a body that craves to be filled with substance of life.

I thought I could handle it. The pain. With each passing moment, it rises in intensity. Ravaging my insides. Burning me slowly.

The emptiness inside me needs filling. The longer I deny the need, the more pain I am having to endure. Slowly I push a breath out between half opened lips. Inhale counting to 8. Repeat.

"Jessica." thump, pulse, thump, pulse. Thighs squeeze involuntarily, chasing relief that doesn't come. Teeth grind to the point of pain. But it's a pain somewhere else, so I fall into its embrace.
Exhale, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Hold for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale delicately through clenched teeth.

I can taste him on my tongue, and I have to lick my lips on the next hold. It is better to taste him, then to smell him fully. He is too much temptation. I wish he would leave.

Thump. "Open the door Jess." thump, thump.

"You need to leave Evan. You are not welcome here." I moan on my next exhale. He responds with a hungry growl. I feel it press on my skin and vibrate through me.

It is getting harder to avoid the door. its constant call promises relief I am desperate for. constant battle, I need to remind myself I am more than my urges.

When Evan's wolf lost control I gained my perspective back. I am not willing to use this male. I will not be his regret. i will not shame myself with this weakness of body.

I won't compromise myself.

So what if I don't have pups. I came to terms with that a long time ago. Because it wasn't a possibility, the unwanted thought reminds me. And now that it is, it is the deepest ache. No, I won't let those thoughts in. I am fine. I will be an aunt. The best aunt there ever was.

The pain grows. Hot molten lava spreads inside my pelvis.

Salty tears leak down my cheeks. Every new drop holds all the mystery I feel. The loss of something I never had shouldn't hurt this bad.

I wonder if this pain will go away once the body burns my sex organs. Will I smell of ash?

Will I ever feel the wetness of slick running down my thighs again? No, I won't. All of it will be gone. My one and only heat.

But that is ok. I will be free to train harder, become better, sharper. I will become the alpha I always should have been. Endurance is building inside me. It is just pain.

The thumping on the heavy door doesn't stop. If anything it intensifies.Evan is learning a new kind of endurance himself. He is a good wolf.

"At least take my seed." he persists. He has offered me his body and his seed to get me through the worst of the heat. To save my fertility.

What's the point?

I don't want to go through this again.

I wonder if becoming barren will dull the pull to Ryder?