Red Secrets (Marcus Rashford)

Betrayal

The air was thick with tension as Marcus and I stepped into my house. We hadn't spoken a word since, the silence stretching between us, awkward and heavy. I led him toward the kitchen island, both of us sitting down without meeting each other's eyes. I could feel the weight of everything we weren't saying pressing down on me. My thoughts were a chaotic mess, swirling with guilt, confusion. Marcus shifted beside me, his fingers tapping restlessly against the countertop.

Finally, I couldn't take the silence any longer. "Do you want some tea?" I asked, my voice softer than I intended, almost afraid of breaking the tension. Marcus nodded, still avoiding my gaze. "Yeah. That'd be good." I got up and busied myself with the tea, trying to focus on the simple task. I could feel Marcus's presence behind me. When the tea was ready, I placed the cups down in front of us and quietly stirred the milk and sugar into my tea. As I settled back into my seat, the silence between us felt even more unbearable.

Suddenly, Marcus broke. I didn't see it coming, the quiet sob that escaped him, the way his shoulders slumped forward, his hands covering his face as tears started to fall. My heart clenched at the sight, and before I could stop myself, I slid off the stool and knelt in front of him. "Marcus..." I whispered, reaching out to cup his face in my hands. His skin was warm, damp from the tears, and I gently brushed my thumbs across his cheeks, wiping them away. I could feel the tremble in his body, the way he was breaking apart in front of me. He tried to hold it in, but the weight of everything he had been holding onto came crashing down.

"I'm so sorry, Sofia," Marcus choked out, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I... I don't know how it got to this point. I feel like such a burden. Like I'm betraying Jadon, and I hate myself for it." I stroked his hair gently, as I tried to offer him some kind of comfort, though I had no idea what to say. The pain in his voice, the way he was breaking in front of me, tore at something deep inside.

"I don't want to lose him," Marcus continued, his words coming out in a rush, his voice thick with tears. "Jadon... he's like a brother to me. And I know he loves you. I know what I'm doing is so wrong, but I can't—" His voice cracked, and he shook his head, looking down at the floor. "I can't control it, Sofia. Every time I'm around you, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I try to stop, but it's like... like I'm drawn to you, and I don't know how to stop it." I felt a lump rising in my throat as I listened, my hands still gently cradling his face. This was the side of Marcus I hadn't seen before, the vulnerability that he kept hidden behind his calm exterior. And it broke my heart to see how torn he was between his friendship with Jadon and whatever this was between us.

"It's better if we stay away from each other," Marcus said, his voice barely above a whisper. He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and I saw the pain, the guilt, and the conflict swimming in those deep, dark eyes. "You have to avoid me, Sofia. Jadon loves you, and I can't be the one to ruin that for him. I don't want to destroy what you two have. You... you're better off with him. You'll be happier with him."

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. I couldn't argue with him—I knew what he was saying was right. Jadon didn't deserve this. But at the same time, the thought of pulling away from Marcus, of pretending like whatever was between us didn't exist, felt impossible. I stared at him, my heart pounding, struggling to make sense of what he was saying. My hands were still cupping his face, but the warmth that had once been there felt cold now. My chest tightened, and I couldn't bring myself to move or speak. It wasn't supposed to end like this—he wasn't supposed to push me away like this.

Marcus's eyes were full of guilt. It was like he wanted to pull away from me for all the right reasons, but at the same time, I could feel the conflict raging inside him. And it hurt. It hurt in a way I hadn't expected. I dropped my hands from his face slowly, letting them fall into my lap. He was so close, but now he felt miles away. His words echoed in my mind, each one hitting me like a blow.

"You want me to avoid you?" I finally asked, my voice shaky, barely above a whisper. The words tasted bitter on my tongue. "Is that really what you want?" Marcus clenched his jaw, looking away from me like he couldn't bear to see the hurt in my eyes. "It's what we have to do, Sofia. It's not about what I want."

I swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. I didn't understand how we had gotten here, how things had spiraled so quickly into this mess. Just moments ago, he had kissed me, touched me like he couldn't stay away. And now, he was asking me to pretend like none of it mattered. I should have agreed with him. I should have told him that he was right, that staying away from each other was the only way to stop this from hurting Jadon. But instead, all I could feel was the sharp sting of rejection, like Marcus was cutting me out of his life before we even had a chance to figure out what we really wanted.

"It's not fair, Marcus," I said, my voice breaking as I finally let out some of the frustration that had been building up inside me. "You can't just pull me in and then push me away like this. You can't tell me how drawn you are to me and then act like it doesn't mean anything." His head snapped up, and for a moment, I saw the flash of pain in his eyes again. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it just as quickly, like he didn't trust himself to speak.

"I know what this is doing to you," I continued, my voice trembling. "I know what it could do to Jadon, but..." Marcus shook his head, cutting me off. "It's not just about me, or you. It's about him. He loves you, Sofia. And I... I can't be the one to ruin that for him." I felt a lump form in my throat, the words catching before I could say anything. He was right. Of course, he was right. But that didn't make it any easier to hear. It didn't stop the ache in my chest from spreading, the sense of betrayal that felt like it was pulling me apart.

For a long moment, we just sat there in silence, the weight of everything we couldn't say pressing down on us. I didn't know what to do with the hurt and confusion swirling inside me, but more than anything, I felt lost—lost in the feelings I shouldn't be having, lost in the impossibility of it all.

And Marcus, sitting there with his head in his hands, was right there with me, but also so far away.

"I never wanted it to get like this," he finally whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I never wanted to make things harder for you. But it's better this way, Sofia. For both of us."

I stared at him, feeling the sting of those words deep in my chest. "Better for us... or better for you?"

He didn't answer, his silence telling me everything I needed to know. And in that moment, I realized just how different we were, how this thing between us, whatever it was, could never be. Not when he was already pulling away, already convinced that it was wrong.

I felt my heart sink, the weight of it all too much to carry. I wanted to be angry, to scream at him for making me feel like this, but all I could manage was a small, broken whisper.

"Why does it feel like you're giving up before we've even started?"

Marcus didn't respond. He just sat there, his head in his hands, as if he couldn't bear to face the truth.

The silence stretched on, and I could feel my resolve crumbling. This was it. This was the end of whatever had been building between us. I didn't know if I was supposed to feel relieved or heartbroken, but all I felt was empty.

After what felt like an eternity, Marcus finally stood, his movements slow and heavy. "I should go," he muttered, his voice low.

I didn't stop him. I couldn't.

As he walked out of the kitchen, the sound of the door closing behind him echoed through the empty house, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the painful truth that we had crossed a line we could never uncross.