Whispers of Deceit.

Chapter 3

Drinking until two am is not for the weak. At eighteen. I could be drinking until four am, wake up for work at eight and be fine. Now that I am twenty-eight, after three or four drinks I am hammered and then have the worst headache to ever exist.

I grab my phone and look at the time, its ten am. Jared is on call today and I can hear him downstairs, making noise in the kitchen.

When I got in last night, he was asleep on the sofa, the TV still blaring. I like to believe he accidently fell asleep there and didn’t choose to sleep on the sofa after our half argument. I turned the TV off, kissed him on the forehead and went to bed where I fell asleep in my make-up and clothes.

I got out of bed and make my way into the bathroom. I had a wash and got changed into some comfy clothes. I was going to do some admin work today, but I can do that over the weekend at some point. I am too hungover to be dealing with paperwork today.

I head downstairs and meet Jared in the kitchen. He barely acknowledges me as he walks past me and goes into the living room. I sigh and click the kettle, making myself a cup of tea. I don't really know how to start off the conversation that we need to have. He wants kids. I don't. It is as simple as that. I don’t know why but today I thought we could just act like we always have and get on with our lives. Why do we need a baby to fulfil our family? We just celebrated our three-year wedding anniversary at the start of this month, we have a cat and thinking about potentially getting another one, we have a beautiful home that would not be this beautiful if we had a child.

I just do not want things to change. If we have a baby, I will have to give up my job which I absolutely adore and it's simply not fair. As Jared brings in the most money, of course it would be me the stay-at-home parent, and I do not picture myself doing that- In fact, I could not think of anything worse. Sure, I can go back to work after a while but then it's finding childcare, putting my child in a nursery which I don't love and then getting worried about their wellbeing when I am not around. I know it's selfish of me, simply not having children because I don’t think I can give up everything I love, but so be it. It is not Jared's body that will be getting big and fat. He is not the one that has to go through hours and hours of labour. He is not the one that has to wake up at stupid times throughout the night to breast feed. Nothing changes for him. At all. So, if being selfish is what I need to be? Then fine. I am selfish.

After I make my tea I walk into the living room and take a seat on the sofa. I stare at Jared but his eyes fixate on the TV. This is ridiculous.

"Are you going to talk to me?" I ask.

He sighs but doesn't look at me "Not really got anything to say. You told me your feelings last night, you clearly are not going to change the way you feel, so that’s that then."

"Okay, but are you going to just continue to shut me out because of this?"

He pauses the TV and turns his body to face me. Here we go. "What do you want me to do? Tell you its fine? That I don't care that we are never going to have children? Tell you that I am happy to continue with how our life is without ever having kids? Well sorry, I am not going to do that. In thirty year’s time when I am in my sixties, we live in the same house with ten or so cats, my worry is I am going to resent you from stopping me from having the life that I want."

"That's not fair at all," I raise my voice "Jared this has just been sprung on me, and now you are telling me you will resent me from stopping you from having the life you want? This... This is the life I thought you wanted? Is it not good enough? Why do we need a baby to be complete? I thought we were already."

"No Lia, we are not complete. Do you know how long I have wanted to have children for? Since before we got married! But I said to myself I will wait until marriage, and then after that you were busy with work and thriving and I didn't want to talk to you about it then, so I decided to wait. I have wanted to start having kids honestly around six years ago, but I was considerate with your promotion and how stressful work has been on you for the last couple of years."

He gets up and walks out of the living room. I don't have the words. I don't know where we go from here. I did not know he felt like this, if he had told me six years ago, I would have been honest with him. Granted, he probably would not be married to me right now but at least I wouldn't stop him from having the life he wanted. Fuck.

I follow him into the kitchen. He wanted to talk about this so badly for the past two days but got up after the first conversation and left the room. This needs to be hashed out, he needs to say his views and then I will say mine. We need to get to some moral ground.

"Please do not get up and walk away Jared." I say, sitting at the kitchen bar.

"That’s ripe coming from you. All you have been doing for the past two days is walking away from this conversation."

"I understand that, but I am here now. Let's talk about this. How come you never told me that you wanted kids? Six years is a while."

Six years. We were so young then, I was only twenty-two and he was twenty-five. That is way too young to start having kids, we were still kids.

"Because I knew you were not in the same headspace, I have always known. Every time I tried to show you a video of a baby or something like that, you showed no interest whatsoever. I suppose I always knew this day would come when you would disagree, I just avoided it."

"But why then tell your mum, knowing I am not keen on the idea. Surely she is just going to get her hopes up? She already doesn't like me as it is, you have just given her another reason."

He rolls his eyes "She wants grandchildren, she brought up the subject. And for the record, she does like you. She doesn't think you like her."

"Okay." I laugh.

"I knew you would do this. Anytime we argue about anything, you bring my mum into it. It's boring."

"She brought it up yesterday, I am assuming you told her we didn't have the conversation, yet she decided to bring it up, ruining my night and making everything awkward. She always does shit like that."

He was about to say something but his phone buzzes. He pulls it out and looks at the text and sighs "I have got to go to work. Let's just forget this conversation ever happened."

Without another word, he walked out the kitchen and went upstairs to get changed. Thank god. I am too hungover for this conversation.

I know what you are thinking, I sound like a horrible wife and yes I would agree with you in this circumstance. However, things between Jared and I are always sweet. We barely ever argue and if we do its about me complaining I have cleaned the whole house as he watches TV or if I forget to pick something up from the shop. Things were not always like this, five years ago we went through a really horrible patch and we almost didn't make it. But we did.

The one thing we really argue about when we do, is his mother. Helen inserts herself into our business and Jared just lets her. She will talk badly about me in front of him and he won't say anything, when I bring it up he claims she was joking or that I need to stop being so sensitive and learn to take a joke.

Before Jared and I met, he was in a three-year relationship with Madeline, who is the daughter of Helen’s best friend. Having known each other since birth, being only a five-months apart, they were always very close as children. They began dating at sixteen, but their relationship ended when they were nineteen. They briefly rekindled their romance when they turned twenty, but it only lasted a couple of months due to her infidelity. Even now, whenever this topic arises, Helen defends her “sweet, innocent” Maddie, claiming she was going through a difficult time and didn’t know what she was doing. Personally, I believe that if someone cheats on their partner five times in one weekend with three different men, they are fully aware of their actions.

Maddie was Jared’s first love, and naturally, the breakup was painful for him. When I entered his life a year later, his mother barely acknowledged me, still holding out hope for a reunion between Jared and Maddie. She often brought her up in conversation and provided Jared with updates about her life. Although Jared was always polite, he could see how uncomfortable it made me and consistently tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

However, when Jared and I celebrated our three-year anniversary, his mother finally began to understand that our relationship was serious and that I wasn’t merely a rebound. She started to mention Maddie less frequently and began to show me a bit more warmth—though it was still a modest improvement.

I grab my phone and dial my mums number. I hate that she lives six hours away. There is nothing I want to do more than pop round her house for a tea, cry on her shoulder and get her advice.

“And that’s pretty much how we left things this morning. We haven’t spoken since. He’ll probably be home from work within the hour.” I sigh, phone pressed to my ear as I talk to my mum.

For the past thirty minutes I have been unloading everything that’s happened over the last few days. My mum, the light-hearted parent, is quick to joke but is always there when it counts. She takes every concern seriously, no matter how small or significant it might seem.

“Well, honey, you need to have a talk with him when he gets home tonight.” She states the obvious.

“Yes, I know that, but I’m at a loss for words How much can you say in a one-sided conversation? I an only repeat ‘I don’t want kids’ so many times.

“It’s such a shame, really. You two would have beautiful babies.”

“Mum, that’s not helping.”

“How’s your sex life?” I fall silent for a moment. Is she really asking me that? “Lia?”

“Ew, Mum, why would you ask me that?” I scrunch my nose in disgust.

“I don’t know; I’m just trying to change the subject.”

“Oh, Christ. You can ask me anything else—‘How’s work, Lia?’ or even ‘What are your bowel movements like?’ Just not about sex.”

“Okay, chill out. I forget you’re so uptight about talking about these things. You’re such a prude.”

“On that note, I’m going. Talk to you later, Mum. Love you.”

She says goodbye and hangs up. Jared will be home shortly. There’s no point in waiting at the front door for him, so I grab my book from the nightstand and start reading.

An hour later the front door opens. I can hear him make his way into the kitchen before heading upstairs.

“Hey, how was your day?” I smile at him as he walks into the bedroom, setting my book aside to focus on him completely.

“Eh, it was okay, I guess. By the way, Mum invited us for dinner tonight. We’re leaving in about an hour,” he replies, his voice flat.

“What? We just had dinner with them two nights ago!” I protest, disappointment flooding through me. “I was really looking forward to a cosy night in—takeout, movies, some wine… just the two of us.”

The air between us feels charged with unspoken tension. I can sense the chill lingering in our relationship, a frost that’s yet to melt. I’d do anything to bridge this gap and reclaim the warmth we once shared. But tonight, going to his parents’ house feels like a step backward—an opportunity for more awkward conversations that will only reignite old wounds. The baby conversation is for sure to come up and it’s not going to improve our situation.

“Yeah, she’s having a few guests over. I guess it was a last-minute decision,” he says, shrugging as if it’s no big deal.

I nod, forcing a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes as he turns to leave the room. Fuck my life. A wave of frustration washes over me. Is this really our life now? Will he hold this grudge over my head indefinitely? I can’t help but wonder if he plans to make me suffer until I finally concede. I feel trapped, and the thought of being stuck in this cycle fills me with dread. What is he going to do? Act like this until I finally give in? He gets what he wants and I am left miserable with saggy skin and a screaming brat attached to my tits.