Whispers of Deceit.

Chapter 5

I've fucked up. Well and truly, fucked up.

Last night, after I brazenly lied to Jared and his vile mother, we left without another word. Jared told Helen to stay out of his life-that he was done with her. I did not expect it to escalate that far but the moment we got in the car, he broke down. His face lit up with joy tears streaming down his cheeks as he marveled how I had suddenly changed my mind about having kids- when just thirty minutes before I'd insisted it was the last thing I wanted.

When we got home, we had sex. No condom. Jared and I always used them-well, almost always, but only when I knew it was safe not to. But last night he tossed them in the bin like some grand gesture of our 'new chapter.'

And now, here I am, standing In the line at the pharmacy waiting for the morning after pill. My stomach twists with guilt. I feel like the worst person alive. Lying to him is one thing, but this? This feels unforgivable. If he knew, he'd leave me without a second thought.

I panicked last night, The moment Helen's smug face locked onto mine, I knew exactly what would wipe that superior smirk away. I know Jared wouldn't ever side with her, he would never question our marriage but still -I couldn't help myself. I saw the opportunity and I took it.

Helen wants Jared to have children, yes, but not with me. Even if I did give her a grandchild she'd pick apart every single thing I would do as a mother.

The woman at the counter interrupts my spiralling thoughts, asking the usual questions. I've done this before, gotten the morning after pill without Jared ever knowing, It's never been a big deal, since we've never actively tried for kids. But, if he found out, it would spark the dreaded conversation I've been avoiding for years.

I take the pill with a quick gulp of water, the guilt tightening its grip on me. As I get back in my car and drive home, I make a decision. I can't keep this secret. I'll come clean to Jared and face the fallout. He'll be angry, we'll argue and he might not speak to me for days. But, we'll move past it-wont we? He told me last night that a life without me isn't worth living, I can only hope he meant it.

When I step through the door, I see Jared on the phone. He glances at me, his expression softening as he says, "She's here. I'll talk to you later." He sets the phone down on the kitchen counter and turns to me with a smile.

And in that moment, my heart clenches, because I know that smile will fade the second I open my mouth.

"What's going on?" I question.

"I was just talking to Max. Him and Alissa are trying for a baby too! How great is that!" He beams.

"You told him? Jared we agreed we would keep this a secret." I tell him, clearly pissed off.

"No please don't be mad, I had to tell someone! Plus I am sure you'll tell one of the girls. It's just nice they're going through the same thing! Him and Alissa are really excited for us."

Max is one of Jared's best mates. They have been friends since pre-med. Max and Alissa have been together four years and recently engaged. Alissa is a really lovely girl, incredibly quiet but very kind-hearted.

"I wasn't planning on, no. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up if there are any complications of any sorts. Please do not tell anyone else Jared, I mean it." I sigh.

He nodded eagerly, his voice tinged with an excitement I hadn't seen in him for ages. "I won't, I promise. I'm just—God, I'm sorry. You don't understand how thrilled I am. Three days ago, I thought having kids wasn't in the cards for us. I know what I said in the car, how I told you I understood, but inside... my heart was shattered. I kept thinking maybe... maybe this was all our life would be, you know? But now, a child would change everything for us. But listen, if you only want one, I get it, I truly do. I'm just... so happy right now."

He kept talking, but his words blurred into the background, like static I couldn't tune into. How could I tell him? How could I crush this happiness when I could see how much he needed it?

Maybe after a year of trying and nothing happening, he'll give up, I thought desperately. But I can't keep taking the morning-after pill after every time we're together. I'd have to call the doctor Monday, book an appointment when Jared's at work, and ask for the contraceptive pill. The guilt knotted tighter in my stomach.

"Thalia?" His voice broke through my thoughts.

I blinked, snapping back to the present. "Yeah?"

He studied me, concerned. "You okay? Did you hear anything I just said?"

I forced a smile, though it felt as fragile as glass. "Sorry, I'm just really tired. I think I might go lie down for a nap."

Jared's eyebrows lifted, his tone turning playful. "Maybe I'll join you?"

I bit back a sigh. "I'm really just exhausted. Can we rain check?"

His confusion flickered across his face, but he nodded slowly. I turned and headed upstairs, my legs heavy, my mind racing.

How on earth am I going to keep this up? I've lied to Jared about wanting to have kids, and he's already told his friends. The worst part is knowing deep down... it's never going to happen.

When I wake up from my nap it is a couple hours later. I can hear music downstairs and Jared singing along. I sit up at the end of my bed for a while, thinking about the shit I have put myself in.

When I muster up the courage to head downstairs, the kitchen is alive with sound. Jared is twirling around, singing off-key while cradling Breeze in his arms like she's part of the show. I stare at him a while and smile slightly, regardless of what I have said to make him this happy, it is so nice to see him this way,

He turns and spots me, immediately stopping his impromptu performance. With a grin, he sets Breeze down, and she scampers out of the kitchen.

"Good nap?" he asks, walking over to plant a kiss on the side of my head.

"Yeah," I say, my eyes drifting to the counter piled high with food. "What's all this for?"

Jared rubs the back of his neck, looking a little sheepish. "Don't be mad, but I invited Nick and Callie over for dinner... and some wine."

My heart skips a beat. Nick—Jared's oldest friend—and his wife, Callie. I haven't seen them in nearly a year, not since they had their first child. My pulse quickens as the realization hits me.

"Jared, what are you doing?" I ask, my voice laced with caution.

"What do you mean?" He doesn't turn to face me, he just stirs whatever's simmering on the stove.

"You invited your only friends with kids over. We agreed—no talking to anyone about this yet." My voice tightens, a knot forming in my chest.

He sighs, turning slightly to meet my eyes. "I didn't say anything to them, I swear. I just thought... maybe it would be nice to hear from people who've already started a family. They might have some great advice."

I can't bring myself to be angry with him. Most couples would be thrilled at the idea of starting a family, right? It's supposed to be one of those moments where everything feels perfect. I watch as Jared beams at me, then glances proudly over the meal he's prepared for our guests. Honestly, he'd make a fantastic father. He's always had this natural ease about him, this instinct that I've never quite grasped... the whole 'parental thing'. I wish I had that in me, but I don't.

"Okay, but we're not telling them. I mean it, Jared. No one can know," I say, my tone firm.

He nods, says he understands, and casually reminds me they'll be here in half an hour. With a sigh, I head upstairs to finish getting ready. I've known Nick and Callie almost as long as I've known Jared, so no need for a fashion show or anything too dramatic.

As I swipe on the last coat of mascara, the doorbell rings, signalling their arrival. I take a deep breath, steeling myself. Great, here we go... let the baby talk begin.