Everything We Would've Been

Chapter One: Emilia

May 2023 . . .

Three separate loud knocks shook my bedroom door.

"Coming," I shouted back as I lay there on my bed, reading my book with no intention of getting up.

Candace cursed loud enough for me to hear her over the loud music playing in the house before punching in the code on the electric lock.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She basically growled as she pulled the book out of my grasp.

"Hey! Give me that," I protested as I reached for my book.

She was quick and moved it out of my reach. She might be fifteen centimeters shorter than me but standing in heels, she had a pretty good advantage over me. She also knows me well enough to know the first thing I'd do.

"No. The party started over an hour ago and this is the fifth time you said you were coming," she said as she put the book on my dresser across the room. "Why are you still up here? Is it because of him?" She asked.

I let out an annoyed sigh and fell back on my bed.

"It's just anxiety," I admitted.

"Come on," she said as she pulled me by my hand to sit up. "You just need a drink."

I planned to skip the end-of-the-semester party my roommates were throwing but they shamelessly guilt-tripped me into staying. Candace is right. The party had taken off over an hour ago. But even though I was dressed and ready to join them, my social anxiety wouldn't let me leave my room. So, I sat there reading, hoping they'd think I disappeared into a corner.

The party was far from what I had expected, in the worst way possible. As soon as we left my room, I knew this was a disaster waiting to happen. My house was crawling with people I'd never met in my life.

"I need a drink, or three," I told Candace as we headed downstairs.

She just laughed as if my pain amused her. She disappeared as soon as we reached the bottom of the steps. To where? I had no idea. There could be a million reasons she'd disappear at a party like this. Two of which include a beautiful girl or a walking red flag of a guy. She's a sucker for both.

I sighed to myself and headed to the kitchen. There was tequila and vodka on the counters and two beer kegs in two different corners. I took two shots of tequila before pouring myself a cup of beer.

I had nothing to do at this party but to drink and just stand around. I didn't like dancing or flirting with strangers. And the only people I was interested in talking to, my roommates, were busy. Nick and Opal were dancing together. Candace had disappeared to God only knows where. And Connor, my decade-long best friend was sitting on the couch with his boyfriend, Xander, making out. Watching them was like stabbing myself through the heart with a poisonous dagger.

If you asked me two months ago, I'd say seeing Connor with a random girl would probably hurt the most. But seeing him with Xander, happy and most likely in love, hurts like hell. I don't even know how it all happened. Nothing had changed between us. So, why the hell did I fall in love with him? And why after all these years?

I didn't notice at first. After all, I was never in love, didn't know how it was supposed to feel like. He wasn't even the best friend I was screwing regularly. That title goes to my dear Andre. I was so confused and frustrated that I broke off my affair with Andre after over two years to figure things out. I was a mess. Still am. But the million-dollar question remains. What happened?

I chugged my beer and poured myself another one before heading out to the back porch. It was crowded and smelled like cheap cigarettes but it was better than watching Connor and Xander.