The Girl Who Lost Herself

Chapter 1

People always said that I was an angel. But who knew how true it was and how false it was... My parents always said that I was a mistake while they continued to favour my older brother. Well, maybe they should. No wait.  They really really should. Afterall who am I? Just a useless girl. A useless, worthless girl. A girl who is not even worth anyone’s pity. I took the knife in my hand and thought 'Let's just get over with it now'.

You must be thinking about how I got here. Well, maybe cause of how neglectful my parents have been towards me, cause of how rude and competitive my brother is, cause of my parents' divorce, but most of all cause I am not loved, and the only person I actually loved embarrassed me...
I am a loser, always was, and always will be. Even he thought that and did not mind saying it out loud. Now, don't think that I am one of those dumb girls like in the movie, who commit suicide just cause a guy doesn't like them, cause I am not talking about no guy. I am talking about the girl who posed to be my bestfriend, who made me feel wanted, who made me feel confident, who made me feel important! Yeah, she is the one who read my diary out loud in the cafeteria as everyone laughed and pointed at me. He was there too, standing right next to my brother. Obviously he was going to stand next to my brother, he was his bestfriend, and to me? he was just a crush to me. What do I expect from him?! I have been through a lot, and I am done telling myself that there are bigger problems than mine!

I am a real people pleaser, and would literally do anything even for the person I hate. But no one else did the same for me, like ever...
I brought the knife closer to my arm. It was just centimetres away from my hands. My heart was beating really fast. I was going to slit my wrist but just then I pulled the knife away from my hand. I breathed heavily. I could not even do this single thing!

I started thinking. My heartbeat continued its normal rhythm.  I quickly got up and went to the balcony. The sun was setting, it looked as if it was drowning in the water. You know, I lived by the ocean. The view was great. I looked down at the pool we had cause my brother Jason had suddenly developed a liking for pool parties to attract his crush. I loved the water. It was just the way I always wanted to be. Clear, free, pure, adaptable, quiet, at peace. I could never be those things...
I went inside to find my camera. Like water, I also loved to capture it on screen.  I liked the way I could always keep the memories in my hands even if the moment had passed away. It was almost like magic. Believe it or not, even I had a few memories I liked to treasure. I went to the balcony and took a steady picture of the sun. It took me a few minutes to get a good one, but in the end, it was worth it. It looked wonderful. It was one of the most beautiful photos I had clicked. I kept my camera aside and walked forward resting my arms on the railing. I smiled looking at the scenery in front of me. Then, without thinking I jumped off it....