Dear M

Chapter 9: The new M

The year was about to end, and M felt the weight of all those questions pressing down on his shoulders. He decided to go to the park, seeking clarity in the fresh December air. The cold was biting, but he preferred it that way; it helped him clear his head. As he walked along the path covered in dry leaves, his thoughts swirled, spinning around without finding a clear way out.

M speaking:

After her birthday, I didn't see her again. She told me she was going on a trip with her family, but we kept chatting almost every day. It's weird. I'm not one to talk to people regularly, not even my friends. But her... she became the girl I talk to more than my own girlfriend, Diana.Diana. I've been thinking a lot about her lately. She's beautiful, no doubt. That's what attracted me in the first place—the way she walks into a room and everyone notices her. But lately, I've been wondering if that's enough. Beneath the surface, we're not the same. We don't laugh at the same things, and half the time, when she's talking, it's about people or stuff I don't care about at all. I nod, I smile, I pretend to care. And I want to care, I really do, but there's this voice in my head that tells me something's not right.

I don't even know when it started. Maybe it was that time she showed up at my game, dressed like she was going to some fancy event. She looked amazing, of course, but I didn't feel like she was there for me. It was like she was there for the photos, for the attention she'd get afterward. And I guess that's part of the problem. With Diana, it's always about appearances. How we look as a couple, what people say when we're together. It's exhausting.

I've been going in circles for weeks: Should I stay with Diana? Do I really want to keep going with someone who doesn't understand me? Yes, she's gorgeous, but is that enough? Every time we're together, I feel like there's this growing space between us, like I'm turning into someone else just to make her happy. And I hate that.But breaking up with her... that's a different thing. It's not like Diana did anything wrong. It's not her fault that we're so different. Maybe I'm the one who changed. Maybe the problem isn't Diana—maybe the problem is me.

Sometimes, I even wonder if I'd be better off single. Is it really worth all the effort to maintain a relationship if, in the end, you're not being yourself? Being alone sounds... simpler, quieter. I could do what I want, without worrying about anyone else's expectations. But then I think about her, that feeling of connection when we talk. Is that what I'm looking for? Or am I better off without anyone, avoiding the possibility of getting trapped in another relationship that doesn't fit?

As M kept pacing around the park, lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed the guy approaching him. He was almost as tall as M, maybe even a bit taller. Broad-shouldered, he wore a dark coat, a scarf covering half of his face, and heavy boots that echoed with each step on the pavement. Despite the unexpected encounter, M wasn't scared. Maybe he was too wrapped up in his own problems to worry about the stranger's presence.

—Are you okay?" the stranger asked in a calm voice.

—Yeah... I think. Ugh, I don't know. It's complicated— M replied, rubbing his temples.

—Want to talk about it? I'm Fede. I'm new around here—  the guy said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

It was odd that someone would randomly approach offering help, but M felt that, in the midst of the emotional whirlwind he was in, maybe talking was the best thing he could do. And so he did. He told Fede about Diana, about his new friend, and even about his family, which lately seemed like just another confusing piece in the mess of his life. As he talked, M felt a small relief, letting the words flow. After hearing his story, Fede didn't hesitate to be blunt.

—Look, man, what you're going through isn't easy. But I'm serious, you're not okay — Fede said, crossing his arms.—The first thing I'd say is you should see a therapist. It's not a bad thing; it'll help you get your thoughts straight. And second... break up with your girlfriend.

M stayed silent. He knew Fede was right, but hearing it from someone else made it all more real. He nodded slowly. Fede continued:

—It's clear you don't really want to be with her. And there's nothing worse than staying with someone out of habit or just because they're there. Do yourself a favor and end it.—M nodded again, letting Fede's words sink in. 

Before leaving, Fede pulled out his phone.

—Here, let's swap numbers. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.— M thanked him and said goodbye, feeling like, for the first time in weeks, things might start to change. The next day, he decided he couldn't put it off any longer. He arranged to meet Diana in person. As he walked toward their meeting, his mind kept reminding him that he was doing this for both of them. He couldn't stay in a relationship where neither of them was truly happy. When they finally met, M was straightforward.

—Diana, I think it's best if we break up. This isn't working, and I don't want to keep forcing something I don't really feel.—Diana looked at him, blinking slowly, and then just shrugged.

—Alright, M. I guess I saw this coming.

M waited for more of a reaction, but that was it. No tears, no anger, not even a hint of sadness. She just didn't care. And, somehow, that indifference gave M the peace he needed.They parted ways with a mutual coldness, and M left feeling lighter, as if an invisible weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Later that day, just before New Year's, his new friend came back from her trip. M had been waiting anxiously, eager to tell her everything that had happened. When they finally met up, he told her everything—how he had ended things with Diana, how Fede had opened his eyes, and how, for the first time in a long while, he felt like he was in control of his life.

—I'm so happy for you, she said, beaming with a wide smile.

 —I knew you could do it. And you've even made a new friend! It's such a big step, M. I'm proud of you.

M felt relieved by her reaction. She was the one person he had spoken to more than anyone, even more than Diana. Their bond seemed to grow stronger with every shared moment. That night, they stayed together to wait for the New Year's countdown. The air was filled with anticipation. As the crowd around them started counting down, three, two, one... Fireworks! M turned to his friend, the one who had been by his side through those confusing months.

He took a deep breath, knowing that this moment, the end of a year filled with confusion, deserved something more. He wanted to start the new one with honesty, with something he had never shared before.

—My name... is Mauro,— he said, his voice steady despite the festive atmosphere.

Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she moved closer, her voice a soft whisper, almost like a secret meant just for the two of them.—My name is Mary."

And as the New Year's lights exploded in the sky, for them, that moment of revelation felt more intense. In that instant, they knew that the coming year would bring something more, something different, something they couldn't yet understand, but that already connected them in a way beyond words.