The Art of Arts (On-hold)

Prologue

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We write because that's what we want, but sometimes we write to express our feelings through words. And as for me, I paint because that's not only what I want, I paint because its my way to express my feelings. The feelings that I kept to myself for years.

"Dada will be home soon. He's asking if you want something?" I looked at my brother, after how many years. Uuwi na rin siya. I missed him a lot.

Dada knows what I want.

Kung may tunay na nakakakilala sa akin sa pamilya namin ay si dada iyon. I'm a daddy's girl since then. At hindi iyon nagbago, I was 12 years old when dada left and went to Canada. He went there to fix some business, at first, akala ko magtatagal lang siya doon ng isang buwan. But months turned into years.

"Tell him to come back home, and I'll be happy." In those years, I haven't talked to dada.

Masakit ang loob ko sa kaniya, I was so hurt when he left. He left without me knowing. Nalaman ko na lang nung pagbaba ko ng kwarto para sana kumain, ay hindi ko siya nakita sa hapag.

I asked mama about it. And there, she told me that dada had already left. I cried, I cried a lot for the first three months.

Waiting for him to come back.

My brother went directly to me and sat on my bed. He patted my head, "Hindi mo pa rin ba siya napapatawad? He did it for us, he did it for you. He needed to go to Canada, para maisalba ang nalulugi nating negosyo dito. Don't be mad at dada. He loves us so much." He continued brushing his hand to my hair. And it calmed me for a second.

"Pwede naman siyang umuwi kaagad kuya, right? But he didn't, he chose to stay there."

Isinubsob ko sa unan ang aking mukha. I don't want him to see me like this. Ayokong isipin niyang hindi ko pa rin napapatawad si dada kahit totoong hindi pa naman talaga.

Masakit maiwan ng sariling ama. Yes, his reason is valid. I just couldn't imagine myself, being here without my father.

Parati niya akong hinahatid sa school noon.

He was my bestfriend, but he left me. Guess what, promises are really meant to be broken. He has a lot of promises to me, saying that, no one could separate us, he will never leave me, he will be my shoulder to cry on.

But all of his promises, he didn't keep it, he didn't make it.

"Nangako si dada sa atin, gusto niyang bigyan tayo ng mabuti at maayos na kinabukasan. Soon, we will leave the Philippines and start a new life in Canada."

My current bestfriend, Abegail. Her father is an ofw. Katulong sa ibang bansa, what if ganon na rin pala ang nangyayari kay dada doon? I can't stop myself from overthinking.

"Can you get my sketchpad kuya, please?" Pag-iiba ko ng topic.

I want to draw, gusto kong mailabas ang sakit at pangungulila na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I though I'm already matured, pero bakit hindi ko matanggap ang pag-alis ni dada?

"Sure," lumapit si kuya sa study table ko at kinuha ang sketchpad ko. And he gave it to me.

"Relax yourself baby. I will be back later, ihahatid ko na lang dito ang pagkain mo. Understood?" Tumango ako at lumabas na siya sa kwarto ko.

Using my right hand, ay kinuha ko ang lapis na nasa kanang bahagi ng kama. Nakalimutan ko palang ligpitin kanina. And with a swift move, I started to sketch. It took me an hour to finish my work. Looking at it with a satisfied look.