SOUL

post dads death comfort

November 13th, 2014

Mary had been tossing and turning for hours, her mind too restless to allow sleep to take hold. She finally gave up and sat up in bed, rubbing her tired eyes. A soft glow filled the room, and she blinked in surprise as she saw Adamma sitting at the edge of her bed, her presence calm and reassuring, just as it had been so many times before.

"Couldn't sleep?" Adamma asked gently, her warm eyes watching Mary with the same care she had shown her all those years ago.

Mary shook her head, her voice catching in her throat. "No, I couldn't. I've been thinking... about everything. About my father."

Adamma nodded, her expression understanding. "I know."

Mary let out a deep sigh, her hands gripping the blanket tightly. "I'm not upset that he's gone," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm more upset that... I'm alone now. An orphan."

The word felt strange on her tongue, cold and heavy. She wasn't grieving the man her father had been, not really. He'd been awful, abusive, a source of so much pain in her life. But now that he was gone, the emptiness was something else entirely—something that made her feel adrift in a world that suddenly felt too big and too uncertain.

"I don't know what to do," Mary admitted, her voice cracking slightly. "I keep thinking that I should be more upset, but I'm just... relieved. And I hate that I feel relieved. What kind of daughter feels that way?"

Adamma reached out, gently placing a hand on Mary's knee. "It's okay to feel that way. Your father wasn't the man he should have been for you. He hurt you. It's natural to feel relief, even if it's hard to accept."

Mary looked down, biting her lip. "I told my grandma I'm leaving after graduation. I'll go live with her, help with the shop. But everything is going to change, Adamma. Everything. I won't see Leo anymore. And I—" She swallowed hard, her throat tightening. "I don't want to lose him."

Adamma's face softened. "You're not going to lose him, Mary. Leo loves you, more than you know. But I understand why you're afraid, your life is taking you in a different direction but that doesn't mean that your paths won't cross again"

Mary's breath hitched, her chest tightening with the weight of everything she had been holding in. "I can't shake this feeling, Adamma. It's like the one I had before the pond... before something bad happens. I don't know what it is yet, or how to stop it. It's making me sick."

Adamma's expression grew more serious, and she leaned in slightly, her voice soft but firm. "You have always had a strong instinct, Mary. Trust it. But don't let the fear consume you. You will know what to do when the time comes."

Mary nodded, though the uncertainty still gnawed at her. She wanted to believe that everything would work out, that she could stop whatever horrible thing was coming. But the dread in her stomach was growing by the day.

"I just... I don't want to lose anyone else," Mary whispered.

"You won't," Adamma said, her voice full of quiet assurance. "But for now, you need to take things one step at a time. Trust yourself, trust the people who care about you. You'll get through this, I promise."

Mary exhaled slowly, the tightness in her chest loosening ever so slightly. She glanced at the clock, noting the early hour, and then heard her phone buzz softly on the nightstand. She picked it up and saw a text from Leo.

There's something on your porch for you.

She frowned slightly, curiosity tugging at her as she climbed out of bed. Before she could head downstairs, she turned back to Adamma, her voice small. "Thank you... for being here."

Adamma smiled, her presence warm and reassuring. "Always"

With that, Adamma faded away, leaving Mary alone in her room, but somehow, she felt a little more grounded.

She made her way downstairs, the smell of something cooking drifting through the air. Her grandmother was already awake, bustling around the kitchen and humming softly to herself. When she saw Mary, she greeted her with a warm smile.

"Good morning, sweetheart. You're up early."

"Couldn't sleep," Mary replied, rubbing her eyes. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Grandma... Adamma came to me again. We talked. And... I'm scared. I feel like something's coming, and I don't know how to stop it."

Her grandmother stopped stirring the pot on the stove and turned to face her, her expression calm and understanding. "Adamma's right, honey. Whatever it is, it will reveal itself in time. Right now, you need to give yourself space to grieve."

Mary bit her lip, a knot forming in her chest. "I don't want to grieve him, though."

Her grandmother's eyes softened with empathy, and she stepped closer, gently resting a hand on Mary's shoulder. "It's complicated, I know. He wasn't a good father to you, and you have every right to feel the way you do. But grief doesn't always make sense. He was still your dad, and it's okay to feel conflicted."

Mary swallowed hard, nodding as tears stung her eyes. She didn't want to cry over her father, but the weight of everything was pressing down on her.

"I'll be okay," she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.

Her grandmother nodded, giving her a gentle squeeze. "You will be."

Taking a deep breath, Mary turned toward the front door, remembering Leo's text. She opened the door and looked down, her breath catching in her throat. A beautiful bouquet of flowers lay on the porch, delicate and vibrant against the gray morning light. Tears welled in her eyes as she bent down to pick them up.

She looked across the street and saw Leo sitting on his porch, watching her. Their eyes met, and she felt her heart lurch. Without a second thought, she slipped outside, not bothering to put on shoes, and walked over to him, her bare feet padding softly across the cool grass.

Leo stood as she approached, his expression softening when she reached him. Without saying a word, Mary wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. Leo's arms came around her instantly, holding her tightly as he ran his hand through her hair, his touch gentle and comforting.

"I'm here," he whispered, his voice low. "I've got you."

Mary closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of him surround her, his steady heartbeat soothing her as she leaned into him. For the first time in days, the gnawing anxiety in her stomach seemed to ease.

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head and asked quietly, "What do you need from me, Mary?"

She shook her head against his chest, her voice muffled. "I'm okay. You don't have to worry about me."

He pulled back slightly, his hands resting on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes, his expression serious. "It's my job to worry about you," he said softly. "Someone has to look out for you."

Mary couldn't help but smile, even through the tears threatening to spill over. "Who appointed you in charge of that?" she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

Leo's lips twitched into a small grin. "I did. And I'm not giving up that role."

She let out a soft laugh, shaking her head, but the sound quickly faded as she leaned back into him. His arms came around her again, and they stood there together, the quiet morning air wrapping around them like a blanket.

"I feel better," she whispered after a long moment. "Just being here with you... it helps."

Leo held her tighter, his hand brushing through her hair again. "I'll always be here for you, Mary. No matter what."

For the first time in a long while, Mary felt a glimmer of peace in her heart, knowing she wasn't alone. With Leo's arms around her, she felt grounded, like she could face whatever was coming.