Broken Pieces

CHAPTER {24}

AKARI

I wanted to scream, to shout but I couldn't. I was shaking badly, another panic attack. The voices grew louder by the second, I couldn't breathe. If you asked me what triggered it, I wouldn't be able to answer that because even I don't know.

It was just a sudden suffocating force that took all my breath away from me. It felt like I was drowning and there was no one to save me. I thrashed for air, scratching my throat but my throat remained closed.

After a while, I passed out. All I could see was darkness, but not the usual scary darkness, a comforting one. Made me wonder if this was what it felt like to die. Just a silent, dark abyss in solitude.

It was nice.

I was slowly brought back into my consciousness as I opened my eyes. I lay on a bed and the first thing I saw was the ceiling. There was a mask over my nose and mouth, so i didn't try to sit up. I scanned the room with my eyes and noticed Domenico in the far corner of the room, pouring a drink.

"You're awake." He stated as he closed the bottle, "You can remove the mask if you want." He made his way to the bed, glass in hand. I did as he said and slowly removed the mask, I was shaking, I didn't know why.

He got comfortable in the chair that was by the bed and finished his glass of liquor in one gulp. He let out a sigh and looked at me, for a while he analyzed my face, then went on to my arms that were bare showing my scars, then back to my face. I hugged my body as I had grown self aware.

He stood up and unbuttoned his shirt, my heart rate rose, why was he removing his shirt? No, I hope he doesn't want to touch me. Please, please, please, please. I continued to beg to any god who was listening. When his shirt was fully off, he asked me to look.

My pleas stopped as I looked at his scarred torso. There were some that looked painful that ran from his shoulder to his lower abdomen and minor ones like bruises and small cuts. He turned around and I bit my tongue to stop myself from gasping. He had familiar scars on his back, whip marks, stab wounds. I would know.

After a while, he put his shirt back on. "Akari, I know what it's like to be hurt by someone who you thought was supposed to love you. To care for you. I know what it's like to have your cries be disregarded. I also know what it's like to be alone." He began, he stood up and walked back to where he had previously left his bottle.

"I was just like you believe it or not. My-our father was the main cause of my pain. Everyday was the same thing, "I'm only teaching you to be a man," "A man should know how to handle pain," He'd say all this as he cut open my back, whipped me, beat me until I couldn't even walk." He said taking another gulp of his drink and continued.

"Like I said, he completely disregarded the fact that I was only a child, I had no need to be a man, no need to be strong but as he would say, "The earlier the better" Hours upon hours of constant torture. Through the years, my cries seized, and with that, my happiness also faded." He sighed as he took another gulp.

"I used to smile, Akari. Whenever I would see the twins playing football in the backyard, or watching Armano play basketball, my heart would melt and I would smile. That all stopped." Another gulp.

"Just like you, I ended up self harming but instead of cutting myself, I vigorously trained. I would spend day and night hitting that punching bag, lifting weights, anything to become stronger and gain my father's approval. After a few months, he died, leaving no point in training but i didn't stop." Another gulp.

"People were getting worried, knocks would be heard but I didn't answer. I strived by the fact that I needed to be perfect. For who? I didn't know either. That was until one day Zachary waltzed into the gym room and punched me right in the face telling me to stop this madness." He paused reminiscing the day, he allowed his lips to twitch until they returned to their frown.

"He aided me and gave me food that I had been lacking for days. He gave quite a motivational speech and forced me to man up as I was now the new Head of The Mafia. I was trampled by papers, deals, missions. I didn't actually get time to heal. I always feel the vast emptiness in my heart but I never had time to address it." He finally took the last gulp.

"Akari, I'm telling you this because it's okay to tell your story, it's okay to be ashamed we're all human after all, we all go through some shit. What's not okay is to suffer in silence, believe me I know what it's like, but I have Zachary, which may seem weird getting advice from my younger brother but as long as the help comes, it doesn't matter." He settled again on the chair.

"You're suffering, Akari, I can tell and I'm willing to give you the help you need. Whether it's from me, your other brothers or a therapist, I just want you to be okay." He laid his hand on mine and gently caressed it. I sniffled, I hadn't realized I was crying.

It was a heart melting moment for me. I never had anyone who cared for me so it was a foreign feeling in my heart. "Thank you." I said barely above a whisper and I sat up. Domenico sat on the bed as well and gave me a hug I so desperately needed.

After years of emptiness, I felt the whole in my heart beginning to fill up.