Once We Were | BxB

Once We Were

Do you remember?

The days when everything was still fine? Not a sorrow on our soul?

Once we were children, growing up together.

Only old photos remain of the day we built sandcastles, imagined a kingdom in the clouds, and talked to friends only we could see.

Once we were innocent, holding hands.

Once we were teenagers, finding ourselves.

I still remember the day you kept a secret from me. I felt betrayed. I cried. And when you came over to say sorry, I yelled at you. I felt misunderstood.

And the next day in school, we would hug each other, both of us crying. I told you I had a bad dream, that you were angry with me, and you told me the same.

I still remember, when it was as easy as to just accept it as a bad dream, and move on as if nothing had ever happened.

Because looking back it was, really, nothing. Nothing compared to now.

Once we were stubborn, and would fight.

Once we would grow closer from shared memories.

When my father passed, you were there. I can still hear your voice. You told me it would be okay. That you'll be with me. I believed you.

If I could just hear your voice again.

Once we were best friends.

A best friend I lost my heart to, a best friend who should never know.

If you had still accepted me? If it had been okay?

Once you were so head over heels for girls, and I was not. I should have been, but there were always you. I could never tell you. Maybe I should have. Maybe you would have hated me, called me sick, disgusting.

But maybe you hadn't.

Maybe.

I still remember.

That night when you just had broken up with her, your heart shattered, your soul crushed. And I, with a heavy heart, took you in my arms. There was so much I wanted to tell you. But I didn't. I didn't. You needed me, and I needed you. Just... different.

Once you were in love with a girl, who didn't love you back.

Once I was in love with you, who didn't love me back.

These were the days we felt were the hardest of them all. Nothing was fine anymore, nothing would ever be fine ever again. But we made it work. Gradually we came to term with what life put in our way. You got over her, and while I never got over you, I accepted it for what it was.

She didn't love you, and it was okay.

You didn't love me, and it was okay.

You would always be my first love, no matter how many men would follow. No matter how many man did follow. It's because of you I couldn't keep others close. I always felt like betraying another, thinking about you and the thing we never were.

Once we were inseparable.

I remember spending nights out, chilling in the neighborhood, partying at shared friends' places, dancing, drinking despite the fact that we shouldn't have, or just sitting in your room and playing games until the sun would rise. I hoped it would never change. I was wrong. I was so wrong. It still hurts to this day.

Once we were a team.

Playing the same sports at High School, signing up for theater classes we never attended.

Once we were hiding, in our usual spot, smoking as we shouldn't have.

You saw her for the very first time that day, and you fell in love with her on first sight. As your best friend, I helped you. I pushed you into her arms when you felt obligated to stay with me, because I was your best friend.

My heart ached. I wondered... Would it ever stop to hurt? And if not, how long could I take it? Being your best friend was the closest I could ever be to you, but I couldn't replace your yearning for love. Your yearning for her. Your yearning for a girl at your site.

Once we were nothing more than best friends. All I was and would ever be is the boy you grew up with like a brother. I did this to myself.

I still remember.

Once we were at her place.

Sitting together, and she shared her dreams, sparkles in her eyes as she explained the world to us.

I could see your eyes ignite with excitement. A determination I had never seen before. Her parents wanted to leave, wanted to see the world, and you wanted to go with her. We were just 17. We were so very young. But it didn't stop you.

You would make it work, for her.

Once we were sitting in your room.

I still remember sitting next to you, squeezing your shoulder, comforting you, when your parents first told you no. To be honest, I wished for them to keep you here. I wished for them to forbid you to go.

Once I was a liar.

I told you I would support you. Told you I would back you up whatever your dreams may be. But in my thoughts I betrayed you.

Once it was okay for her to have you, as long as you would stay my friend.

But in the end, you made it work. You made it work for her, as I knew you would.

Once we were best friends.

Once we were friends.

Once we were acquaintances.

Once we were strangers.

And now...

Now we are no more.

You walked your path, and I did not.

I heard you broke up not too long ago. I heard you plan on coming back home.

I heard.

Not from you, but from others.

Would you remember me after so many years? The best friend you left behind? The friend you stopped to text back? The acquaintance whose Christmas cards you never read? The stranger who is looking at you?

"Do you remember me?"

I whisper, but your grave keeps silent.