'Bullshit Love Story'

Chapter One - Supermarket Pornstar.

Author Notes

Hey guys! I saw a tweet earlier today of a girl describing losing her virginity last night. Me being the piss taker I am thought that i would do my own version, just less.... 'Romantic'. A few tweets in, I was getting so many tweets from my followers telling me how much they were enjoying it, so I carried on, getting them involved with parts.

THIS STORY IS IN NO WAY SERIOUS.

I aint an author, i'm just bored at 3am on a Sunday night.

Don't correct my spelling as I don't give a flying f-....

This is just a joke story. Hope you enjoy lol.

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CHAPTER ONE.

I was in the supermarket and someone poked me. spinning on my heels and pulling my headphones down from ears, I saw this guy...

He had that smile. You know that smile that take your breath away? Yeah, that one. I shook my head as if to ask what he wanted.

My cheeks were burning and I only realized that I was smiling back at him when I felt my lips twitch.

When was he going to speak? It felt like minutes were passing, I couldn't bring myself to look away from him. Big beautiful brown eyes. Brown curly hair. Well groomed. This guy was beautiful.

I could still hear my music playing through my headphones, Justin Bieber 'Nothing Like Us'. Talk about setting the scene. Was this God telling me that he was the one? He was handsome. My mum would like him. I'd give her hot grandkids... She said that she would beat my children if they were ugly or ginger. He wasn't ugly, nor was he ginger. I was onto a winner here.

Ok, Rebekka, straighten up, flick your hair or something... SAY SOMETHING.

"Hi, are you... Umm, okay?" Seriously? that's all I could come up with....

"Hey, Yes I'm okay thank you." Ooooh he's posh, he could be rich too. Yes I really like him. "I just wanted to come over here and ask if you, would like to..." He scratched the back of his neck and looked to the floor. WAS HE BLUSHING? Omg... Wait until I get on Twitter and tell everyone about this guy! He was PERFECT.

"Yes?" I pushed.

Pushing worked.

"Wanna fuck?" He said.

Awwwwwh, he's so gorgeou- Wait, what? Did he seriously just ask me that?!?!?!

My brain was screaming at me to walk away..... Yeaaaaah, na. I didn't do that.

I mean, I thought that maybe he would take me somewhere a little nicer... But the back of his pick-up truck done the job for him i guess...

He pinned my hands above my head whilst slowly kissing and sucking my neck. "You're perfect" he whispered to me, his breath tickled. I just nodded and let him carry on. This was slightly awkward. 

"Have you got a condom?" I asked.

"Fuck condoms. I'm allergic to latex." He replied.

"I don't want kids with you yet, it's a bit too soon" I tried to make the situation lighter.

"I have always wanted to have sex with a pregnant bitch." I smiled. He didn't. 

"Oh, well ok then" Then a thought hit me. "I was at the hospital this morning. I stole some latex free gloves from A&E" I said unzipping my bag to find one. "Look" I said waving one in his face. He pulled down his tracksuit bottoms and stuck it over the end of his penis. "It looks like a chicken" I laughed.